Friday’s a great day because it’s the end of the week and the start of the weekend! Celebrate with these funny Friday jokes and puns!
Funny Friday Jokes
My boss said. “You’ve been late 5 days this week. You know what that means, don’t you?”
I said, “I certainly do. It’s Friday!”
I got fired from the unemployment office on Friday.
My boss said, “Clean our your desk, and I’ll see you in the office on Monday.”
What do biologists wear on Casual Friday?
Diarrhea Awareness Week begins on Monday.
Runs until Friday.
Why don’t people like jokes about Friday?
I don’t feel very strong on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.
Those are weak days.
What day does a chicken hate the most?
What do you need if you have the song “Friday I’m in Love” stuck in your head?
How do you make a blonde laugh on a Friday night?
Tell them a joke on Monday.
Why is Friday a happy day?
Because the next day is a sadder day.
Monday: Greg) (Tuesday: Ian) (Wednesday: Greg) (Thursday: Ian) (Friday: Greg) (Saturday: Ian) (Sunday: Greg).
It’s the Gregorian calendar.
Sadly, the guy who invented the fruit smoothie has passed away.
He’s being berried on Friday.
When will a priest laugh at your Friday joke?
When it’s a Good Friday joke.
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday.
Those were the days…
What’s a good pasta to make on Friday the 13th?
“Daaad, can we please go now? I’m thirsty!”
“Hi Thirsty, I’m Friday, come on over Saturday and we’ll have a Sundae!”
I’ve been good. No ice cream on Thursday. None on Friday. None on Saturday.
My wife was worried that the fish she bought on Friday weren’t swimming together on Saturday.
I told her not to worry. Saturday’s not a school day.
What’s way worse than Friday the 13th?
Monday the whatever.
Who wins in a fight between Friday and Saturday?
Saturday, because Friday is a weak day.
The local prison only does electrocutions one day a week.
I saw a sign today that said, “Friday special: Chicken strips for $5”.
I wonder what it would do for $10?
Pixar just started up a new chain restaurant.
I asked my gym instructor if he could teach me to do the splits.
He said, “How flexible are you?”
I said, “I can’t do Fridays.”
To all my friends who received a book from me at Christmas…
They’re due back at the library on Friday, thanks.
What’s the worst thing that can happen on a Friday?
When you realize it’s Thursday.
My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last.
Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant and have a little wine and good food.
She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
Where does Friday come before Thursday?
In a dictionary.
I asked my coworker if he would be interested in going on a double date next Friday, and he said yes!
Now we just need to find another couple to go with us.
The autopsy club has a meeting this Friday.
It’s Open Mike Night.
What’s a pilot’s favorite day of the week?
What do neanderthals do on Friday night?
What’s a potato’s favorite day?
When I tell people I only work on Wednesdays, Thursdays and Fridays…
They are like “WTF?”
After 12 years of marriage, I still make love to my wife almost every day!
Almost on Monday.
Almost on Tuesday.
Almost on Wednesday.
Almost on Thursday.
Almost on Friday.
Almost on Saturday.
Almost on Sunday.
What’s an introvert’s favorite day of the week?
Bob left work one Friday evening.
But it was payday, so instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with his mates and spending his entire wages.
When he finally appeared at home on Sunday night, he was confronted by his angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.
Finally his wife stopped the nagging and said to him, “How would you like it if you didn’t see me for two or three days?”
He replied, “That would be fine with me.”
Monday went by and he didn’t see his wife.
Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.
But on Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.
Two ladies ditch their husbands for a ladies night out on a Friday night and they go do whatever middle-aged women think is cool to do on a Friday night.
One thing leads to another and these two ladies have drunk a little bit too much and decide to head home and sleep it off.
So they’re driving home and on the way they realize they have to pee… bad.
They try to hold it, but when you gotta go you…
Finally, they just can’t take it anymore and they pull over to the side of the road near a cemetery and decide to drop their underwear and just go.
One lady simply takes off her underwear and wipe with those, but the other remembers that hers are a gift from her husband.
However, she spotted a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it.
After finishing, they went home.
The next day their husbands were at the pub chatting and one says, “These ladies nights out are getting out of hand they really need to stop, last night my wife cam home with out any panties on.”
The other man finishes his beer and says, “You think that’s bad… My wife came home with a card in her butt crack that said ‘On behalf of the whole fire department, we’ll never forget you.'”
A balding, white haired man walked into a jewelry store this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.
The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.
The man said, “No, I’d like to see something more special.”
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over.
“Here’s a stunning ring at only $40,000,” the jeweler said.
The lady’s eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
The old man seeing this said, “We’ll take it.”
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the man stated, “By check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I’ll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds. I’ll pick the ring up Monday afternoon.”
On Monday morning, the jeweler angrily phoned the old man and said, “Sir… there’s no money in that account.”
“I know,” said the old man. “But let me tell you about my weekend…”
What’s a sad person’s favorite day of the week?