Ash Wednesday Jokes And Puns

Ash Wednesday marks the beginning of Lent for Catholics. Celebrate it with laughter with these funny Ash Wednesday jokes and puns which are sure to leave their mark on you!

Header image for a page of funny Ash Wednesday jokes and puns.

Funny Ash Wednesday Jokes

On Ash Wednesday I will be giving up spreadsheets for 40 days and 40 nights.

It’s going to be completely Excel Lent.

Avengers: Infinity War is the perfect holiday movie…

For Ash Wednesday.

A guy walks into a bar on Ash Wednesday and orders a beer.

“I’m really having a hard time trying to decide what to give up for Lent,” he tells the bartender.

“Well let me tell you a little cautionary tale about giving things up for Lent,” the bartender says. “A particular family in LA has been abstaining from using one letter of the alphabet for Lent each year, since 2001. It started as a joke, giving up “A” in 2002 and “B” in 2003, but developed into a strong family tradition. This year, one of the members has a tough choice to make. Unlike the rest of the Astleys, Rick made a solemn vow… “

Every year on Ash Wednesday, my friend stops using isopropyl in lieu of dryer fluff…

He gives up alcohol for lint.

Ash Wednesday: The day when a bunch of people with no religion the rest of the year show everyone what religion they are.

I didn’t want to observe the period from Ash Wednesday to Easter again, but did so to stop my girlfriend’s constant nagging…

I re-Lent-ed.

What is a Christian’s favorite meal between Ash Wednesday and Easter?

Lentil soup.

What do you call it when you’re burnt out in the middle of the week?

Ash Wednesday.

What’s Thanos’ favourite holiday?

Ash Wednesday.

Ash Wednesday was yesterday so my family is going to be eating a lot more legumes.

Mostly lentils.

What is Sean Connery’s favorite holiday?

Ash Wednesday.

What did the pastor say to the boy ditching mass on Ash Wednesday?

Get your ash back over here.

What is a Pokemon trainer’s favorite holiday?

Ash Wednesday.

A man took his young son to a baseball game.

While they were sitting there, he asked the boy what he was going to give up for Lent.

The boy replied, “I don’t know, Dad. What are you going to give up?”

His father said, “I’ve thought about this a lot and decided to give up liquor.”

Later in the game, the beer man came by, and the man ordered a beer.

His son objected, “Hey, I thought you were giving up liquor!”

His dad answered, “Hard liquor, son. I’m giving up hard liquor. This is just a beer.”

The boy replied, “Well, then, I’m giving up hard candy.”

The church was packed with the faithful eager to receive ashes on Ash Wednesday.

The sacristan offered to help.

The Father said, “OK, now these are the words you say: Remember, man, you are dust, and unto dust you shall return.”

The sacristan prepared to start at the opposite end of the communion rail used in the old days.

But the sacristan came hurrying over to Father, asking “Father, what are those words again?”

Father told him and he went back to his station, but in a moment he was back, asking again for the words, which Father repeated.

When the sacristan came back the third time Father exploded: “You are a dummy and you’ll always be a dummy.”

The sacristan went back and started distributing ashes.

When the Father and the sacristan came close to each other at the middle of the communion rail, the priest was dumbfounded to hear the words the sacristan was saying:

“You are a dummy and you’ll always be a dummy.”

Lent is coming – get your ash in church!

Jokes About Ash Wednesday

If you enjoyed these jokes about Ash Wednesday, be sure to check out the rest of LaffGaff for lots more funny jokes and other fun, such as these:

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