Magic Jokes

These funny magic jokes and puns that we’ve conjured up for you certainly aren’t an illusion! They are definitely magical though; indeed they’re spellbinding!

Header image for a page of funny magic jokes and puns.

Funny Magic Jokes And Puns

A lumberjack went in to a magic forest to cut a tree.

Upon arrival, he started to swing at the tree, when it shouted, “Wait! I’m a talking tree!”

The lumberjack grinned, “And you will dialogue!”

What do you call a magician who has lost their magic?

Ian.

What do you call a magical bra?

An abracadabra.

What do you call a dog that can do magic tricks?

A labracadabrador.

Did you hear about the magic tractor?

He went down the road and turned into a field.

I asked my magic 8-ball which email client to use. It told me…

Outlook not so good.

What do you call an owl that does magic?

Hoodini.

Here’s a magic joke for you: A magician was driving down a street.

Then he turned into a driveway.

A Mexican magician was doing a magic show.

He said “Uno, dos…”

And he disappeared without a tres.

I showed a mime a magic trick.

He was speechless.

To save his business, my butcher is trying an experimental process where he gives his cows magic mushrooms before slaughtering them.

Let’s just say…

The steaks are high.

“Son, remember these two magic words. They will open up the doors in your life.”

Push and Pull.

What kind of magic do cows believe in?

Moodoo.

Henry rubs a magical lamp.

A Genie pops out and grants him 3 wishes.

Genie: What will your first wish be?

Henry: I want to be rich

Genie: Of course, your wish is granted. What will you second wish be?

Rich: I want a lot of money…

My son asked me to make him a paper airplane.

I tried all the magic I know but he’s still just a boy.

I have got a magical hoodie.

I call it hoodieni.

How many magicians does it take to do magic?

Just one will do the trick.

An Irishman and an Englishman walk into a bakery.

The Englishman steals 3 buns and puts them into his pockets and leaves.

He says to the Irishman, “That took great skill and guile to steal those buns. The owner didn’t even see me.”

The Irishman replied, “That’s just simple thievery, I’II show you how to do it the honest way and get the same results.”

The Irishman then proceeded to call out the owner of the bakery and says, “Sir, I want to show you a magic trick.”

The owner was intrigued so he came over to see the magic trick.

The Irishman asked him for a bun and then he proceeded to eat it.

He asked 2 more times and after eating them again, the owner says, “Okay my friend, where’s the magic trick?”.

The Irishman then said, “Look in the Englishman’s pockets.”

A magic genie tells Tom, “I can make anything of yours disappear!”

Tom: [raises his mug]: Okay, get rid of my tea.

Genie: Poof!

om: It didn’t work.

A man stumbles upon a magic lamp.

He rubs the lamp and a genie pops out!

The genie says that he will grant the man only one wish, and that he has to pick from three choices.

He can either be the richest man in the world, the most popular man in the world, or the wisest man in the world.

The man says, “We all know that money does not bring happiness, and that popularity just makes you a slave to the whims of others, but wisdom is everlasting. I want to be the wisest man in the world.”

The Genie goes “poof” and suddenly the man’s face assumes a serene expression.

He sits down, rubbing his chin in thought.

Then he looks towards the genie and says, “I should have taken the money.”

At a bar, my friend made a remarkable shot in pool, and I asked how he did it.

He said, “When I am about to take a shot, it’s like magic, I can just see the line where I need to shoot.”

Then he threw a dart and got a bullseye on the first throw and I asked how he could aim the dart so well.

He said, “When I am about to throw a dart, it’s like magic, I can just see the line where I need to throw it.”

Later, he got in a fight with another guy at the bar. He threw a punch and missed badly. I asked how he could throw such a poorly aimed punch.

He said, “There is no punch line.”

Did you know if you drink the fluid from a magic 8 ball you can see the future.

Trust me. My friend Keith did it once and he said he was going to die and then he did.

I took this girl home after our date…

Her: When you said magical in bed, this isn’t what I expe-

Me: holds up 8 of hearts Is this your card?

Her: softly Holy moly!

A cruise ship hired a magician to entertain the passengers.

Since the passengers changed every four or five days, the magician was able to perform the same tricks over and over.

Unfortunately, the Captain of the ship had a parrot who sat around and watched the magician perform his tricks, over and over.

Eventually, the parrot learned how the tricks were done and would interrupt the act.

“It’s in his sleeve,” the parrot would say. “He switched balls.” “It’s in his pocket.” Etc., etc.

Naturally, the magician was quite disturbed by the parrot but could do nothing about it, since it belonged to the Captain.

Unfortunately, the cruise ship had the misfortune of hitting an iceberg and sank to the bottom of the sea in a matter of minutes.

As fate would have it, the magician and the parrot managed to grab hold of the same floating piece of furniture.

For 3 days, neither said anything.

The magician stared at the parrot and the parrot stared back.

Finally, on the 4th day, the parrot cracked and said, “OK, I give up, where on Earth did you put the ship?”

Did you hear about the magician who did magic with chocolate?

I heard he had loads of Twix up his sleeve.

A little boy wants his toy, so he walks up to his mother and says, “Mom, give me my toy.”

His mother responds by saying, “What are the magic words?”

So the little boy says the magic words and his mom gives him his toy.

The next day, the little boy starts kindergarten.

At snack time, the little boy wants some juice, so he walks up to his teacher and asks for a juice box.

The teacher says, “What are the magic words?”

So the little boy says the magic words.

But the teacher gets upset, and calls the little boy’s mother and asks her to come in.

When the three of them are sitting in the room together, the teacher asks the mother, “Have you been teaching your son sarcasm?”

“No,” the mother says. “Why, what did he do?”

“Well, he asked for a juice box,” said the teacher, “and I asked him to say the magic words, and instead of saying please, he said ‘you’re thin and you’re beautiful’.”

More Funny Jokes

If you enjoyed these funny magic jokes and puns, check out the rest of LaffGaff for lots more spellbinding humor, such as: