February Jokes And Puns

February is the month of Groundhog Day and, of course, Valentine’s Day too. Here’s a collection of funny February jokes and puns to get you through the month.

Header image for a page of funny February jokes and puns.

Funny February Jokes

Not to brag, but I already have a date for Valentine’s Day.

February 14th.

Can February March?

No, but April May.

Why did the man get fired from the calendar factory?

He took a few days off in February thinking nobody would notice.

My son is a man trapped in a woman’s body.

He’ll be born in February.

What’s the difference between a $20 steak and a $55 steak?

February 14th.

How many seconds are in a year?

Twelve. January second, February second, March second …

I am giving up drinking alcohol for the month of February.

Edit: I am giving up. Drinking alcohol for the month of February.

A girl I met online thought February had 30 days.

It must be hard for her to date.

February 10th should be National Fart Day.

Because it’s 2/10.

I am worried about my neighbor who was born on February 29th.

He says he is only 10 but he really looks 40.

In February 1989, dogs were banned from the White House until January 1993.

They kept peeing on the Bushes and chasing the Quayles.

What do you call a frog born on February 29th?

Leap frog.

At what time of the year do women speak the least?

February. It has the least days.

What did February 28 do?

It marched.

Me and my childhood crush are marrying next year.

Hers is in February and mine in July.

I love February because it contains two of my favorite annual events

Groundhog Day, and the State of the Union Address.

One involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to a notoriously unreliable mammal for prognostication with no basis in reality.

The other involves a groundhog.

Why should there be a February 30th?

So dentists can have a day to celebrate.

My girlfriend just asked me when I last slept with someone that wasn’t her.

I said, “Back in 02.”

It sounds much better than “February”.

The month before Frank’s 21st birthday, his father told him, “Did you know that something amazing happens to all the male members of your family when they turn 21? When your grandfather turned 21, he went to the lake and discovered that he was able to walk on the water. When my oldest brother, your uncle George, turned 21, he discovered the same. Me, your other uncles, your older brothers… all of them could walk on water at age 21.”

“Cool!” said Frank. “I can’t wait to walk on water!”

A month later, Frank turned 21, and his family took him to the lake to see him walk on water.

They got into a boat and rowed into the middle of the lake, and watched excitedly as Frank stepped out of the boat… but instead of walking on the surface, he sank.

After he was pulled back into the boat, Frank said, “I don’t get it! You all turn 21, and you can walk on water! I turn 21, and I can’t!”

“Hmm,” said Frank’s father. “Come to think of it, it may be because all our birthdays are in February but yours is in July…”

Do you know who Russia’s 3 greatest generals are?

December, January, and February.

I can’t wait for Tuesday, February 22, 2022 (2/22/22). .

We can call it… 2’s day.

February is ending today, but that’s okay.

We’ll March on.

Sometimes February feels like it will last forever …

But time Marches on.

What’s the Difference Between February 14th and July 4th?

There isn’t any, at least to me, because they’re both Independence Day.

What did the French groundhog see on February 2nd?

His chateau.

Jokes About February

If you enjoyed our puns and jokes about February, check out the rest of LaffGaff for lots more funny jokes, such as these: