There’s nothing hammy about these funny bacon jokes and puns! In fact, they’re so tasty they’ll have you curling up with laughter!
Funny Bacon Jokes
Two cowboys are lost in the desert.
One of the cowboys sees a tree that is draped in bacon.
“A bacon tree, we’re saved!” he cries.
He runs up to the tree and is shot up with bullets.
It wasn’t a bacon tree, it was a ham bush.
Smoking will kill you.
Bacon will kill you.
But smoking bacon will cure it.
How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in the frying pan?
You take away its tiny little broom.
How many vegans does it take to eat a bacon cheeseburger?
One if nobody’s looking.
My wife and I were stuck in traffic.
I said, “I’m turning round.”
She said, “I know. Stop eating bacon.”
Bacon and eggs walk into a bar.
The bartender says, “Get out of here! We don’t serve breakfast!”
I just had a physical. The doctor said, “Don’t eat anything fatty.”
I said, “Like bacon and burgers?”
He said, “No fatty, don’t eat anything!”
My coworker is in the hospital after eating a giant bacon cheeseburger.
It was mine.
What’s bacon’s favorite movie?
Grease.
What do you call a pig mixed with a centipede?
Bacon and scrambled legs.
Why did the pig go into the kitchen?
He felt like bacon.
Two guys were eating breakfast together:
“Do you want some of my bacon?”
“No thanks, I’m Jewish.”
“Don’t worry, it’s free.”
What do you call a farm that sells chickens and pigs?
A chicken, bacon, ranch.
My doctor tells me I’ve got a bacon addiction.
Thankfully he thinks I can be cured.
What pig is used to make spicy bacon?
Peppa pig.
I don’t think a vegetarian pastry chef would survive.
They couldn’t go more than a day or so without bacon.
Why did the slice of bacon laugh?
Because the egg cracked a yolk.
Did you hear about the butcher who sat on his bacon slicer?
He got a little behind in his deliveries.
What do you call bacon that’s 100 days old?
Ancient grease.
How is bacon like southern Europe?
It’s got a lot of Greece in it.
How do you know it’s hot?
When two pigs are at the beach and one says to the other, “I’m bacon.”
Most people don’t like eating food before it’s done in the oven.
But I think pig is best eaten while it’s still bacon.
What’s a pig’s favourite song?
Don’t go bacon my heart.
How did the bacon go to hospital?
In a ham-bulance.
A priest and a rabbi are stuck on an elevator.
They strike up a friendly conversation and after a while, the priest asks the rabbi, “Tell me, did you ever, in a moment of weakness, partake in the eating of bacon?”
The rabbi said, “Yes. I was staying at a motel where no one knew me and it was on the breakfast buffet.”
The priest nods, empathetically.
The rabbi then asks the priest a question. “Did you ever…you know…sleep with a woman?”
The priest replied, “Yes, in a period of weakness during my first year in seminary. I met a young woman at a cafe and one thing led to another and, well, yes. We made love.”
“I see,” the rabbi nodded, knowingly, before adding. “It’s a heckuva lot better than bacon, isn’t it?”
What tree does bacon grow on?
Porcupine.
What did the bacon say to the tomato during breakfast?
Lettuce be together.
Why was the meat packer arrested?
For bringing home the bacon.
Why did the pig kill the farmer?
To save his own bacon.
I bought a new HP printer recently.
The ink is a bit funny but it tastes great on a bacon sandwich.
What did the bacon do after school?
Their ham-work.
Jokes About Bacon
If you liked these puns and jokes about bacon, be sure to take a look around the rest of LaffGaff for lots more funny jokes, such as these:
