Chocolate Jokes

Better choco-late than never, here is a collection of really sweet chocolate jokes and puns to whet your appetite for laughter! Add them to your jokes kit-kat!

Header image for a page of funny chocolate jokes and puns.

Funny Chocolate Jokes And Puns

Archaeologists have uncovered a mummy in Egypt covered in nuts and chocolate.

They believe it’s Pharaoh Roche.

My son is three years old and I took him shopping.

When we got home, he had a chocolate bar in his pocket.

Now, I didn’t buy it and he certainly didn’t buy it, so I marched him straight back to the shopping centre and went to the jewellers.

A Korean martial artist was giving away chocolate bars.

I asked if I could have 2.

He said, “No. You can taek-won-do.”

Why is the Toblerone chocolate shaped like a triangle?

So that it’ll fit inside the box.

In case you were wondering, chocolate identifies as female.

Preferred pronouns are Her/she.

I just got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows and nuts.

I won’t lie, it was a Rocky Road.

So I was sitting on the bus just reading a book when somebody tapped me on the shoulder.

I turned around and saw an old lady.

She said to me, “Sonny, would you like some nuts? I’ve got a couple hazelnuts and almonds if you’d like.”

“Sure.”, I replied. Then she gave me a handful of nuts and went back to sit with her friends.

“What a nice lady”, I thought, while happily munching on the nuts.

A few minutes later, I felt another tap on my shoulder and there she was again, offering some nuts.

I gladly accepted and she went back to her seat.

After about 10 minutes, she tapped me on the shoulder, once again offering some nuts.

I asked her, “Why don’t you eat them yourself?”

“Because we’ve got no teeth”, she replied.

“Then why do you buy them?”, I asked.

“Oh, because we just love the chocolate around them.”

So I try to eat healthy.

But every time I try, a chocolate bar looks at me and snickers.

What type of snack is never on time?


My cousin works in a chocolate shop.

He works behind the bar.

A doctor and an engineer went into a chocolate store.

As they were busy looking around, doctor stole 3 chocolate bars.

As they left the store, the doctor said to the engineer, “Man! I’m the best thief ever, I stole 3 chocolates and no one saw me. You can’t beat that!”

The engineer replied, “You wanna see something better? Let’s go back to the shop and I’ll show you real stealing.”

So they went to the counter and the engineer said to the shop boy, “Do you wanna see magic?”

The shop boy replied, “Yes!!!”

The engineer said, “Give me one chocolate bar.”

The shop boy gave him one, and he ate it.

Then he asked for a second, and he ate that as well.

Finally he asked for the third, and finished that one too.

The shop boy asked, “But where’s the magic?”

The engineer replied, “Check in my friend’s pocket, and you’ll find them!”

I ordered a chocolate clock from Amazon a few months ago and it hasn’t arrived yet.

Boy, it’s taking its sweet time getting here.

People always ask me how I sneak chocolate into the cinema.


I’ve got a few Twix up my sleeve.

I once saw Arnold Schwarzenegger eating a chocolate egg.

I said to him, “I bet I could guess your favourite holiday!”

He replied, “Have to love Easter, baby.”

Crazy ex-girlfriends are like a box of chocolates.

They’ll kill your dog.

I love chocolate.

Hard candy is for suckers.

I put my friend’s chocolate bars in different wrappers. Needless to say…

He got his Snickers in a Twix.

Two wafers fell into a vat of chocolate.

The first one pulled the second one out.

The second one said, “Thanks, you’re a lifesaver!”

The first one responded, “Actually, I’m a KitKat.”

I saw an article about people snorting chocolate powder for a rush.

They wanted a Quik high.

An English couple decided to adopt a little German boy.

After two years, the child doesn’t speak and his parents start to worry about him.

After three years, he still has not spoken and after four years, he has yet to utter a word.

The English couple figure he is never going to speak but he is still a lovely child, and on his next birthday, they throw him a party and make him a chocolate cake with orange icing.

The parents are in the kitchen when the boy comes in and says, “Mother, Father, I do not care for the orange icing on the chocolate cake.”

“My God,” says his mother. “You can speak?”

To which the German boy replies, “Of course.”

“How come you’ve never spoken before?” asks his father.

“Well,” says the boy, “up until now, everything has been satisfactory.”

PETA is like a box of chocolates.

They kill dogs.

So the Pope is having a conversation with aliens from Mars.

Pope: “Do you know Jesus?”

Alien: “Oh, Jesus. Great guy. He comes to our planet twice every year.”

Pope: “Every year?! It’s about two millennia and we’re still waiting for his second coming.”

Alien: “Maybe he didn’t like your chocolate.”

Pope: “Chocolate?”

Alien: “Every time he visits, we gather the best chocolate from each manufacturing plant and give it to him before he leaves. Why, what did you do the first time he came here?”

I saw a little boy at the bus stop eating a giant chocolate Easter bunny.

I said, “Hey kid, eating that much chocolate at one time is bad for you.”

He looked me in the eye and said, “Well, my grandpa lived to 103.”

“Oh, really? Did he eat a lot of chocolate?”

“No, he minded his own business.”

A man walks into a petrol station and says, “Can I please have a KitKat Chunky?”

The lady behind the till gets him a KitKat Chunky and brings it back to him.

“No,” says the man, “I wanted a normal KitKat, fatty.”

As a person who has owned over 50 dogs in their life there are 2 thing I’ve learnt…

1) Your time with them Is brief so treasure it.

2) They LOVE chocolate.

Police are like a box of chocolates.

They’ll kill your dog.

I told my girlfriend that if she wanted her Hersheys bar she had to bark like a dog.

After she did it, I proceeded to eat it explaining that chocolate wasn’t good for dogs.

What do you call a cow with a stutter that makes chocolate milk?


More Funny Jokes

If these funny chocolate jokes and puns were to your taste, why not sample the rest of LaffGaff for lots more funny jokes such as these:

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