A turtle was walking down the street when he was attacked by a gang of snails.
When asked by the police what happened he said, “I don’t know, it all happened so quickly.”
Bob walks into a bar and sits next to a man who has a dog next to him.
He says to the man, “Has your dog ever bitten anyone?”
The man replies, “No” but then the dog jumps up and bites Bob on the arm.
“I thought you said your dog’s never bitten anyone!” shouts Bob.
The man says, “I know. That’s not my dog.”
There was a knock at my door earlier. When I opened the door a policeman was stood there…
“Mr Jones?”, he asked.
“Yes,” I replied.
“I’m afraid your dog’s just been reported to have chased someone on a bike.”
I said, “I don’t think so – my dog doesn’t have a bike.”