We thought we’d be mice to you and bring you these funny mouse jokes and puns! They’re sure to leave you squeaking with laughter!
Funny Mouse Jokes
What do you call a mouse that swears?
A cursor.
Why can’t elephants use computers?
Because they’re scared of the mouse.
What did the mouse use to build his house?
Cottage cheese.
What kind of shoes do mice wear?
Squeakers.
What do you call a mouse’s home?
A mousepad.
What’s cold and squeaks?
A mice-icle.
Two mice are chewing on a film roll.
One says, “I liked the book better”.
Why do mice have such small balls?
Because not many of them know how to dance.
Why was the mouse afraid of swimming in the sea?
Catfish.
What kind of animal needs oil?
Mice, because they squeak.
What’s small, furry and good at sword fighting?
A mouseketeer.
Why do mice bathe so much?
They like to be squeaky clean.
What’s a mouse’s favorite sport?
Mice skating.
What do baby mice read?
Furry tails.
Hickory dickory dock, three mice ran up the clock, the clock struck one…
And the other two escaped with minor injuries.
I once tried to kill a giant mouse with a baseball bat.
Now I have a lifetime ban from Disneyworld.
What do cats eat for breakfast?
Mice Krispies.
What’s hairy and squeaks?
A mouse-tache.
What did the mouse say when he broke his tooth?
Hard cheese.
What do you call a mouse who fixes teeth?
A ro-dentist.
What’s a mouse’s favorite hotel?
The Stilton.
What’s a mouse’s favorite meal?
Bubble and squeak.
How can you fix a wireless mouse problem?
Get yourself a wireless cat.
Why doesn’t Edward Scissorhands like mice?
Because he prefers keyboard shortcuts.
Last night my son saw a mouse in the kitchen so he wiped down all the counters and cleaned everything.
Tonight I’m putting the mouse in the bathroom.
What do cats like to eat on a hot day?
Mice cream cones.
What do you call a mysterious mouse?
Anony-mouse.
What kinds of jokes do mice like?
Cheesy ones.
How do mice secretly communicate?
Mouse code.
There’s a mouse named In and a mouse named Out.
How does Out know that In has died?
Instincts.
What is a mouse’s favorite type of cheese?
Mouseralla.
What game do baby mice play?
Hide and squeak.
Has anyone else ever used WD40 to get rid of mice?
It doesn’t work, but it does stop them squeaking.
I just ran over my neighbours cat so I went over and said, “I’d like to replace your cat.”
She said, “That’s fine with me but how are you at catching mice?”
Who do mice pray to?
Cheesus.
How does a mouse lifeguard help a drowning mouse recover after saving him?
Mouse to mouse resuscitation.
What do mice use to play their music?
Wireless squeakers.
Which mouse was a Roman Eemperor?
Julius Cheeser.
What do mice do at Christmas?
They exchange Christ-mouse cards.
A famous art collector is walking through Greenwich Village when he notices a mangy old cat lapping milk from a saucer in front of a store.
The collector does a double take when he sees the saucer. He knows it’s very old and very valuable.
So he saunters casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars.
But the store owner says to him, “I’m sorry, but the cat isn’t for sale.”
And the collector says, “Please. I need a hungry old tomcat around the house to catch mice. I’ll give you ten dollars for him.”
And the owner says, “Sold,” and takes the ten dollars.
Then the collector craftily says, “Listen, I was wondering if, for the ten dollars, you might include that old saucer. The cat seems to be used to it. It’ll save me a dish.”
The owner says, “Sorry, buddy. That’s my lucky saucer. So far this week, I’ve sold sixty-eight cats!”
What’s grey, furry and surfs the internet?
A computer mouse.
What’s grey and has a trunk?
A mouse going on holiday.
A guy sits down in a diner and asks for a bowl of hot chili.
The waitress says, “Sorry, but the guy next to you got the last bowl.”
He looks over and sees that the guy’s finished his meal, but the bowl of chili is still full.
He asks, “Are you going to eat that chili?”
The other guy says, “No. Help yourself.”
He slides the bowl of chili over and starts to eat.
When he gets about half way down, his spoon hits something.
He looks down sees a dead mouse and immediately pukes all the chili back into the bowl.
The other guy says, “Yeah, that’s about as far as I got, too.”
What musical instrument do mice play?
The mouse organ.
Why was the mouse nervous?
It was raining cats and dogs.
What does a mouse photographer always say?
Say cheese!
What do mice say when they meet for the first time?
Mice to meet you.
What do rodents put on their hot dogs?
Mouse-tard.
What is a mouse’s favorite movie?
The Fast and the Furry-ious.
I found my pet mouse Elvis in trouble.
He was caught in a trap.
Where do mice love to go on vacation?
Miceland.
What’s a rodent’s least favorite board game?
Mousetrap.
What do mice hate doing most?
Mouse-work.
What do you call a mouse’s wife who doesn’t work?
A mouse-wife.
Jokes About Mice
If you enjoyed these hilarious puns and jokes about mice, be sure to take a look around the rest of LaffGaff where we have lots more funny jokes, such as these:
