Donkey Jokes

There’s no half-assed attempts at funny donkey jokes and puns here! In fact, we’re sure you’ll find them all highly a-mule-sing and will bray with laughter!

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Funny Donkey Jokes & Puns

What do you call a 3-legged donkey?

A wonkey.

What do you call a donkey with 3 legs and one eye?

A winky wonky.

What is a mule’s favorite novel?

Donkey-jote.

What’s the hardest key to turn?

A donkey.

One of my employees called in sick today because his donkey broke it’s leg and he had to wait on a vet.

I’ll admit, it was a lame ass excuse.

What’s a donkey’s favorite TV program?

Bray watch.

What do you call a valuable donkey?

An asset.

What do you call a man with 2 donkeys?

Biased.

What do you get when you have Avogadro’s number of donkeys?

Molasses.

My car broke down on a Kentucky back road next to a pasture containing a single donkey .

Not wanting to walk, I had to burro it.

A man with a stutter is visiting the doctor.

“How’s the stutter?”, asks the doctor.

“It’s g-getting better but my friend calls me D-Donkey,” replies the man.

“Any idea why?” The doctor asks.

“No, but he aw he aw he aw he always calls me that.”

What has six legs, four eyes, two heads and a tail?

A man sitting on a donkey.

A truck full of donkeys passed me on the highway.

The driver was really hauling ass.

Why did the donkey eat with its mouth open?

Because it had bad stable manners.

What do you call a donkey that refuses to move?

Bad ass.

Why don’t they let donkeys into college?

Because they already have enough smart asses.

Did you hear about the ventriloquist whose dummy looks like a donkey?

He’s always talking out of his ass.

What makes a donkey sneeze?

Hay fever.

What do you call a man who kills donkeys for a living?

An ass-assin.

One of the babies on the Intensive Care Unit is playing with a toy donkey.

ICU baby, shaking that ass.

How does Winnie the Pooh’s friend paddle his boat?

Eeyores it.

My donkey just ate the last of my French bread.

It’s a pain in the ass situation.

My magician friend used to have a part of his act where he saws a donkey in half.

It was a half-assed attempt at magic.

Why did the limping donkey cross the road? Ahh forget it…

Sorry for such a lame ass joke.

What do little donkeys send at Christmas?

Mule-tide greetings.

A donkey had an IQ of 186.

He had no friends at all though. Because even in the animal kingdom, nobody likes a smart-ass.

Statistically you’re more likely to be killed by a donkey than a terrorist attack.

So watch your ass.

Did you hear about the scientist who started a nuclear reaction with donkeys?

He reached critical ass.

Why did the man buy a donkey?

He thought he’d get a kick out of it.

I just saw a guy riding a bike while trying to sell a donkey.

He was peddling his ass all over town.

Who does a donkey see to get its FICO score?

The credit burro.

What did the donkey do when he was driving his car and got cut off?

Hee-haw-nked his horn.

What do you call it when you watch a donkey fart?

An asstute observation.

Why’d the donkey become a truck driver?

Because he haul.

It’s a cold November evening and two men are out on the town.

They enter a bar and approach the barkeeper.

The first man says to the other, “Hey Donkey, I think it’s your turn” and walks off to use the toilet.

Donkey looks at the barkeeper and says “T-T-T-T-T-Two b-b-b-b-beers p-p-p-p-p-please”

Given his speech impediment, the barkeeper feels sorry for the man and asks, “Do you mind him calling you Donkey?”

Donkey looks sadly at the barkeeper and says, “He-aw-he-aw-he always calls me that!”

A man crosses the border each morning on a donkey and each day, his donkey is loaded with only bags of straw.

When he reaches the bridge marking the border, the tax collectors search his bags to calculate what duty he must pay on his exports.

Every day, they find nothing.

And yet, in the evening, after their shift has finished and they are in the tea houses or restaurants in the city, they see the same man spending lots of money and boasting that he is in fact a smuggler and that no one can catch him.

Every day, incensed at his bold claims, the tax collectors obsessively search his bags of straw. They sift the straw, cut it into pieces, rip open the fabric of his bags, attempt to burn the straw, check his hat, his beard and even cut open his shoes in the hope of finding coins between the leather.

And yet, each evening, he is seen back in the city growing ever more prosperous and ever more brazen, even offering to pay for the tax collectors meals and drinks while continuing to tell stories of his wily smuggling.

The tax collectors continue their futile interrogations of the straw bags for years, to no avail.

This continues until, now a prosperous man, the smuggler moves away to another city and settles down to enjoy his wealth.

Years pass and one day, in the market, one of the retired tax collectors meets his old foe and asks, “Mister, many years have passed. I am no longer a tax collector and we are just two old men. Please, you can tell me, what was it you were smuggling all that time?”

The smuggler replies, “Donkeys.”

Young Chuck moved to Texas and bought a donkey from a farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.

The next day the farmer drove up and said, “Sorry Chuck, but I have some bad news The donkey died.”

Chuck replied, “Well, then just give me my money back.”

The farmer said, “Can’t do that. I went and spent it already.”

Chuck said, “Okay, then, just bring me the dead donkey.”

The farmer asked, “What ya gonna do with a dead donkey?”

Chuck said, “I’m going to raffle him off.”

The farmer said, “You can’t raffle off a dead donkey!”

Chuck said, “Sure I can. Watch me. I just won’t tell anybody he’s dead.”

A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, “What happened with that dead donkey?”

Chuck said, “I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars apiece, less the $100 I gave you and made a profit of $898.00.”

The farmer said, “Didn’t anyone complain?”

Chuck said, “Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.”

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