Did you know bears can run twice as fast as us humans? That’s our excuse for being so slow to bring you our bear jokes! So please, bear with us while we present to you this fantastic collection of funny bear jokes and puns! There’s no need to paws – dive right in and enjoy them!
Best Bear Jokes & Puns
This selection of our favorite bear jokes certainly isn’t un-bearable! Quite the opposite in fact, so enjoy!
1. How do you catch a fish without a fishing rod?
With you bear hands.
2. What do you call bears with no ears?
3. What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp?
A bear-faced lyre.
4. What color socks do bears wear?
They don’t wear socks, they have bear feet.
5. What do you call a confused panda?
6. Why didn’t the teddy bear eat his lunch?
Because he was stuffed.
7. What do you call a grizzly bear who gets caught in the rain?
A drizzly bear.
8. What’s white, furry and shaped like a tooth?
A molar bear.
9. What’s black and white, black and white, black and white?
A panda rolling down a hill.
10. What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear.
11. Did you hear about the guy who got killed by a bear?
It was a grizzly death.
12. What do polar bears have for lunch?
13. What do you get if you cross a teddy with a pig?
A teddy boar.
14. What cheese do you use to get a bear out of a tree?
15. What do bears do when it rains?
They get wet.
16. What is a bear’s favorite drink?
17. Why don’t bears like fast food?
Because they can’t catch it.
18. Why did the sloth get fired from his job?
He would only do the bear minimum.
19. Why do bears have fur coats?
Because they look silly wearing jackets.
20. Why do pandas like old movies?
Because they’re in black and white.
21. How do bears keep their houses cool in summer?
22. What kind of car do bears drive?
23. To spell panda….
You just need p and a.
24. A bear walks into a bear and says, “I’ll have a pint of lager……….. and a packet of crisps.”
The bartender says, “Sure, but what’s with the big pause?”
The bear replies, “I dunno, I was born with them!”
25. Why do bears have sticky fur?
Because they use honey combs.
26. What do you call a cemetery for bears?
27. If I ever find out the name of the surgeon who messed up my limb transplant, I’ll kill him…
With my bear hands.
28. What do you call a bear with no arms and no legs?
An ambulance. This is no time for jokes.
29. Two scientists, one from the Czech Republic and one from Austria, travelled to America to study the legendary grizzly bear.
When they failed to return from their first trip into the woods, two park rangers went looking for them and quickly tracked down a male and a female bear who’d been by the scientists’ campsite.
Their apprehension was proven justified when they tranquilized the female grizzly and found the remains of the Austrian.
The first park ranger said sadly, “You know what this means…”
The second ranger said, “Yeah, the Czech is in the male.”
30. What has no pants and screams like a bear?
31. What do you call a Mexican bear with a rubber toe?
32. Why do grizzlies never look sad?
Because whenever there’s a problem, they just grin and bear it.
33. What happened when they planted new bamboo trees at the zoo?
There was panda-monium.
34. What do you call a bear who lives in the Arctic and has extreme mood swings?
A bi polar bear.
35. Why isn’t a koala a bear?
It doesn’t meet the koalafications.
36. What do grizzlies pack when they go camping?
The bear necessities.
37. What do you call a bear that never grows up?
38. What do you call a bear who gets caught in the rain?
A drizzly bear.
39. How do you apologize to a grizzly?
Bear your heart and soul.
40. How do you fry a black and white bear?
With a pan-duh!
41. How do you spoil a bear?
You panda to their every whim.
42. What do you do if you find a bear in your toilet?
You let them finish.
43. What do you call a bear with no money?
44. What do polar bears eat?
45. What’s a koala’s favorite drink?
46. What’s white, furry and shaped like a tooth?
A molar bear.
47. Why shouldn’t you take a bear to the zoo?
Because they’d rather go to the movies.
48. How does a grizzly keep cool in the summer?
49. What animal do you look like when you get in the bath?
A little bear.
50. What do you get if you cross a skunk with a bear?
Winnie the Pooh.
51. What is black and white and red all over?
A sunburned panda.
52. What do you call a bald teddy?
53. What animal hibernates standing on its head?
54. One time, I was out hunting when I saw a sign that said “Bear left”.
So I went home.
55. Why can’t polar bears eat penguins?
They can’t get the wrappers off them.
More Funny Animal Jokes
If you liked our funny bear jokes and bear puns be sure to take a look at all our other hilarious animal jokes too, including these: