Duck Jokes & Puns To Quack You Up!

Waddle you say if we tell you these are the funniest duck jokes and puns around? In fact, they’re top of the bill and are sure to quack you up with laughter!

After all, ducks are always popular – from the ugly duckling to Donald and Daffy, they have a firm place in popular culture. And here at LaffGaff, we’re never ones to shirk a challenge so we’d never duck out of the opportunity to bring you the best duck jokes and here they are!

These funny duck jokes and puns are sure to quack you up!

Best Duck Jokes & Puns

Here’s a quacking collection of the best duck jokes and puns. Enjoy them!

1. What time does a duck wake up in the morning?

At the quack of dawn.

2. What happens when a duck flies upside down?

It quacks up.

3. What do you call a clever duck?

A wise quacker.

4. Two cows were chatting over the fence between their fields.

The first cow said, “I tell you, this mad-cow-disease is really pretty scary. They say it’s spreading fast; I heard it hit some cows down on the Johnson Farm.”

The other cow replied, “Hell, I ain’t worried, it won’t affect us ducks.”

5. What do you call a duck that steals?

A robber ducky.

6. Where do sick ducks go?

To the ducktor.

7. What’s a duck’s favorite TV show?

The feather forecast.

8. What do you call a duck with a drug problem?

A quackhead.

9. How do you make a duck sing soul music?

Put him in a microwave until his Bill Withers.

10. A duck walks in to a bar and says, “Give me a beer.

The bartender asks, “How are you going to pay for that?”

The duck says, “Just put in on my bill.”

11. What do ducks eat with cheese?


12. What do you see when a duck bends over?

Its butt quack.

13. How do you get down from an elephant?

You don’t. You get down from a duck.

14. What do you get if you cross a duck with a box of fireworks?


15. Two Scottish ducks are walking down the road when one says to the other, “Quack”.

The other replies, “I’m going as quack as I can!”

16. What do ducks like to watch on TV?


17. A man walks into the doctor’s office with a big white duck on his head.

The doctor looks up and says, “Yes, sir, can I help you?”

The duck says, “Yeah, can you get this guy off my butt?”

18. What do you call a bird that can fix anything?

Duck Tape.

19. What does a duck wear to parties?

A duck-sedo.

20. Where do duck farts come from?

Their buttquacks.

21. Two ducks are swimming in the pond.

The first duck says, “Quack, quack!”

The second duck says, “That’s funny, I was just about to say that!”

22. What do you call a cat that eats a duck?

A duck-filled-fatty-puss.

23. A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “Got any bread?

The the bartender says, “No.”

The duck says again, “Got any bread?”

The bartender says, “No.”

Again, the duck asks, “Got any bread?”

The bartender says, “No, we have no bread.”

The duck repeats, “Got any bread?”

The bartender angrily says, “No, we haven’t got any bread.”

The duck says, “Got any bread?”

The bartender says, “No, are you deaf? We haven’t got any bread, ask me again and I’ll nail your beak to the bar, you irritating little bird!”

The duck say, “Got any nails?”

The bartender says, “No.”

The duck says, “Got any bread?”

24. What’s the difference between a duck?

One of the legs is both the same.

25. What does a duck say when it goes to the doctor?


26. Why do ducks have feathers?

To cover up their butt quacks.

27. A platypus walks into a bar owned by a duck.

He finishes his drink and asks for his check.

Duck billed platypus.

28. What do you get if you put a duck in a cement mixer?

Quacks in the pavement.

29. What’s the difference between a cranky two-year-old and a duckling?

One is a whiny toddler and the other is a tiny waddler.

30. I stubbed my toe and my Mom shouted at me for yelling, “What the duck!”

She was angry that I used fowl language.

31. Why did the duck go to jail?

He was selling quack.

32. What did the duck say when he dropped a dish?

I hope it didn’t quack.

33. What’s a duck’s favorite game?


34. What’s it called when it starts raining ducks?

Fowl weather.

35. Who has webbed feet and fangs?

Count Duckula.

36. Why was the duck arrested?

He was suspected of fowl play.

37. Why did the duck fall over?

They tripped on a quack.

38. How do you change tires on a duck?

With a quacker jack.

39. What did the duck detective say to his partner?

I hope we quack this case.

40. Did you hear about the duck who thought it was a squirrel?

It was one tough nut to crack.

Jokes About Ducks

If you enjoyed our funny duck jokes and puns, be sure to check out the rest of LaffGaff for many more funny jokes too. In particular, we’ve got lots more animal jokes, including these:

More Fun And Laughter

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