It was murder trying to get these funny crow jokes and puns together, but like vel-crow we stuck with it and here they are! We’re sure they’ll caws a lot of laughter!
Funny Crow Jokes
Did you know that a group of crows is called a murder?
Well, technically it’s only a murder if there’s probable caws.
Did you know that before crowbars were invented…
Crows mostly drank alone.
A raven has 17 primary wing feathers — the big ones at the end of the wing, also called pinion feathers.
A crow only has 16.
So the difference between a raven and a crow is only a matter of a pinion.
I called the cops about a murder on my front lawn and they just hung up.
They said that couldn’t do anything about crows and to stop calling.
My roommate tried to keep two crows in our apartment as pets.
The cops arrested him for attempted murder.
What do you call crows that stick close together?
If a group of dolphins is called a pod and a group of crows is called a murder, what is a group of small children called?
In order to have a murder of crows, there must be probable caws.
What do you call two crows flying together?
An attempted murder.
I stole seven crows yesterday.
Got away with murder.
I hate getting into arguments with farmers about the best methods for keeping crows away.
They always resort to straw man arguments.
What do you call a white crow?
A bunch of crows ganged up and killed a chicken.
It was a murder most fowl.
Why do crows sit on telephone poles?
To make long distance caws.
Why do crows not get hit by cars?
Because there is always another crow yelling, “Caw! Caw!”
What is a crow’s favorite drink?
Where do crows go to get educated?
What’s black, dangerous and hides in trees?
A crow with a machine gun.
Why can police always search a car driven by a crow?
What do you call a group of crows who see food?
A tempted murder.
My friend asked me how my pet crow communicates…
I replied, “Microwaves”.
A crow was arrested an put behind bars.
His lawyer, a lawyer bird obviously, visited him.
“How bad is it?” The crow asked.
“Pretty bad.” The lawyer bird replied. “They had a warrant to go through your phone.”
“So what?” The crow said. “I’ve got nothing to hide.”
“They found the texts to your friends.” The lawyer bird said.
“So now it’s a crime to ask my fellow crows to hang?” The crow exclaimed. “They were all to busy anyway!”
“You’re lucky they were.” The lawyer bird replied. “They’ve got you on attempted murder!”
There are 20 crows standing in a row. One of them is coughing. Which one is it?
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
A rabbit asked him, “Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?”
The crow answered, “Sure, why not.”
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.
A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone’s relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu.
The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.
However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird’s beaks and claws.
By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.
MTA then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.
He very quickly concluded the cause: When crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger.
They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout “Cah”, not a single crow could shout “Truck.”
What do you call a group of chickens dressed up like crows?
A murder most fowl.