This great collection of funny goose jokes and puns won’t leave you feeling down or give you the bird! Don’t worry – none of them are fowl!
Funny Goose Jokes
How do you get down from an elephant?
You don’t, you get down from a goose.
When will Ryan Gosling be old enough to be called Ryan Goose?
I have a racing goose for sale.
Let me know if you wanna take a quick gander.
Geese fly in a V-formation for aerodynamics, and when the lead goose gets tired he switches out his position.
But one side of the V is almost always longer than the other. Do you know why?
There’s more geese on that side.
What do you call a possessed bird?
Which side of a goose has the most feathers?
Did you know that geese kill more humans than sharks each year?
To be fair, it’s really hard for geese to kill sharks.
What happened to the geese when they fell down the stairs?
They all got goose bumps.
I cant take my dog to the pond anymore because the geese keep attacking him.
I guess that’s what I deserve for having a pure bread dog.
The local humane society is giving away male geese for free.
I might go take a gander.
The goose said to me, “Quuuaack, quack quack?”
I replied, “Quack, quaaack, quack.”
My brother said, “I didn’t know you speak Portugeese.”
After an argument, my cooking instructor wants me to stew goose feathers gently below or just at the boiling point.
She wants me to simmer down.
What do you get when you run over geese?
Why did the police arrest the goose?
They suspected it of fowl play.
What does an Egyptian goose say?
Even though I’m an avid duck and goose hunter, I don’t own any calls.
My wife doesn’t want me using fowl language.
I just bought a new goose, but it’s massive.
It is truly humongoose.
What do you get if you cross a goose with a cow?
A guy at school kept hitting me with poultry.
I got goose bumps.
If you teach a goose to use a computer…
Is it a technical fowl?
If a goose can fly away from the sun at 20mph, how fast can he fly toward the sun?
Puts hand over eyes and flaps the other arm like a wing 10mph.
What kind of clothes are made with Australian goose feathers?
Down Under wear.
Other animals: Winter is almost here. What are we supposed to do now?
Goose: Wanna hear migrate idea?
While browsing the poultry market, the clerk asked me if I would like try some goose.
I told him no thanks, I was just gonna take a gander.
What do you get when you goose a ghost?
A handful of sheet.
What do you call turbulence while riding a goose?
A hunter shoots a flying goose one day.
Proud of his hit he walks to fetch it only to see a farmer waiting for him, holding the goose.
“Sorry sir, this goose is mine. I shot it,” explains the hunter.
The farmer replies with a smirk, “But it landed on my property, so it’s mine.”
“Excuse me? You can’t just take what’s mine! Hand it over, right now!” The hunter is clearly angry.
The farmer’s grin gets bigger.
“Alright alright,” the farmer says calmingly. “Let’s settle this with a simple game we use around here to resolve an argument. The winner will keep the goose. The rules are simple. I’ll kick you in the nuts and see how much time it takes you to recover. Then you’ll do the same to me. Whoever recovers faster is the winner.”
The hunter, provoked and angry, agrees immediately.
The two get ready, the farmer kicks first.
He takes a full swing and hits the farmer right between the legs.
The hunter nearly blacks out; a moment passes before he screams in agonising pain, holding his crotch.
His knees give in and he falls face first onto the ground.
Time passes and the hunter does his best to endure the pain and get back up.
Eventually, still in pain, the hunter gets back onto his feet.
With teary eyes and a sore throat he says, “Now it’s my turn!”
The farmer, looks at him smiling, shakes his head and goes, “Nah, man. It’s fine, you can have it. Here’s the goose, I didn’t want it anyway,” and walks off, laughing out loud.
Did you know a goose’s beak is composed of 4 elements: Hydrogen, Oxygen, Nitrogen, and Potassium.
What do you call two ducks who walk like, act like, and believe they are geese?
How is a flock of geese like an airplane full of encylopedias?
They’re flying in-formation.
What language do Brazilian geese speak?
Petting geese always makes me sad.
Because every time I do, I feel a little down.
What are goosebumps for?
To slow geese down.
If you enjoyed our puns and jokes about geese, check out the rest of LaffGaff for lots more funny jokes, such as these: