We love elephants here at LaffGaff, and so in tribute to these magnificent beasts here’s a selection of our favorite elephant puns and elephant jokes. You’d have to be a real Dumbo to miss out on them – they’re unforgettable. So enjoy!
Funny Elephant Jokes
I had a job circumcising elephants.
The base salary wasn’t great, but the tips were huge.
Hannibal crossed the Alps because it was safer than crossing the elephants.
What do you call a flying elephant?
A jumbo jet.
What do elephants do at night?
What do you get when you cross two fish with two elephants?
A pair of swimming trunks.
What did the grape say when the elephant stood on it?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
Why did the elephant ask to borrow a suitcase?
Because he only had a little trunk.
I bought an elephant for my friend’s room.
They said “Thanks.”
I said “Don’t mention it.”
Why can’t two elephants swim at the same time?
They only have a pair of trunks.
To catch an elephant, you first need to go to the jungle where elephants are found.
Then you cut down all the trees in a big circle, and dig a hole.
Put the trees in the hole and burn them down to ashes.
Carefully line the edge of the hole with peas.
And when an elephant comes to take a pea, you kick him in the ash-hole!
At school I used to get called an elephant.
I’ll never forget that.
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
How do you breathe through that little thing?
Why don’t you ever see elephants hiding in trees?
Because they are really good at it.
The best way to tell the difference between an Indian and an African elephant is…
That one of them is an elephant.
I’ve got the memory of an elephant.
I remember one time I went to the zoo and saw an elephant.
When can three elephants stand under one umbrella and not get wet?
When it’s not raining.
Why do elephants drink?
What do you give an elephant with diarrhea?
Plenty of room.
How do you get down from an elephant?
You don’t, you get down from a goose.
How do you kill a blue elephant?
Shoot it with a blue elephant gun.
How do you kill a pink elephant?
Hold it’s nose until it turns blue then shoot it with a blue elephant gun.
What’s the difference between an elephant and a plum?
Plums are purple.
What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants stampeding?
Here come the elephants.
What did Jane say when she saw a herd of elephants coming over the hill?
“Look! A herd of plums!”
Jane is colorblind.
Why do elephants paint their toenails red?
To hide in cherry trees, of course!
Have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? See how well it works!
Why do ducks have flat feet?
To stamp out forest fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
To stamp out burning ducks!
It must be tough working in the shipping and receiving department of a zoo.
No-one ever addresses the elephant in the room.
An Irishman and his son went to the zoo.
A sign says, “Feed the elephant a bun to get your age.”
The little boy gives the elephant a bun and it stomps its foot 6 times.
“Wow,” says the boy, “That’s right I am 6. You have a go Dad!”
So the Irish chap gives the elephant a bun.
A moment later the elephant farts and stomps twice.
“Bajaysus, that’s right!” Said the father. “I am farty two!”
What has two grey legs and two brown legs?
An elephant with diarrhea.
How do you stop an elephant from charging?
Take away its credit cards.
How do you know if an elephant is under your bed?
Your nose is touching the ceiling.
Why are elephants large, grey, and wrinkly?
Because if they were small, white, and hard they would be an aspirin.
How do you make an elephant fly?
Start with a three foot zip…
Why do elephants wear green shoes?
So they can sneak across pool tables.
Have you ever seen an elephant sneaking across a pool table?
Works, doesn’t it?
Best Elephant Puns
Anything unrelated to elephants is irrelephant.
Looking after more than one elephant at a time requires the ability to multi-tusk.
An elephant’s opinion carries a lot of weight.
What’s big and grey and wears a mask?
The elephant-om of the opera.
Hunting elephants is illegal as ivory well know.
Elephants will toil all day, and they work for peanuts.
What’s grey, beautiful and wears glass slippers?
It’s OK to watch an elephant bathe as they usually have their trunks on.
Who do elephants get their Christmas presents from?
What do you call an elephant that never washes?
What animals were last to leave the ark?
The elephants as they had to pack their trunks.
What do you call an elephant with rotors?
An elephant was drinking out of the river one day when he spotted a turtle lying fast asleep on a log.
The elephant walked over and kicked the unsuspecting turtle clear across the river.
A passing giraffe who happened to see this happen asked the elephant, “Why did you do that?”
The elephant replied, “Because I recognized it as the same turtle that bit my trunk 38 years ago.”
The giraffe said, “Wow, what a memory you’ve got!”
“Yes,” said the elephant, proudly. “Turtle recall.”
What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros?
Eleph-ino! (Sounds like “Hell if I know!”)
What do you call a light-headed elephant?
What’s an elephant’s favorite musical?
The Elephant-om of the Opera.
What do you call an elephant with an aerial on his head?
What’s the opposite of an elephant?
How heavy is a Chinese elephant?