Cooking Jokes And Puns

We bet you can’t wait to sample this collection of funny cooking jokes and puns that we’ve rustled up for you! They’re very tasty!

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Funny Cooking Jokes

My wife rang me at the pub and said, “If you’re not home in 10 minutes, I’m giving the dinner I cooked you to the dog.”

I was home in 5 minutes.

I’d hate for anything to happen to the dog.

Burnt my Hawaiian pizza today…

Should have cooked it on aloha temperature.

Harry Potter can’t tell the difference between his cooking pot and his best mate.

They’re both cauldron.

Did you know the first French fry wasn’t cooked in France?

It was cooked in Greece.

I cooked a medium rare steak for my friend and he said, “I like it well done.”

I said, “Thanks. That means a lot.”

I used to be a member of the secret cooking society.

But they kicked me out for spilling the beans.

Do cannibals eat ramen?

Or do they cook them first?

I was watching an Australian cooking show recently and the audience began applauding when the chef made meringue.

Which is odd because…

Australians usually boo meringue.

My wife asked me if she could have some peace and quiet while she tried to cook dinner.

So I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm.

I like to cook dangerously.

I take whisks in the kitchen.

I cannot eat shrimp, lobsters and clams that have been cooked by heated water vapor.

I have shellfish steamed issues.

What’s the best way to cook an alligator?

In a croc pot.

After years of holding out on me, my friend finally told me the secret ingredient in his cooking.

It was about thyme.

I wanted to cook chicken for dinner, but I forgot to take it out of the freezer ahead of time.

It wasn’t a well thawed out plan.

A women is cooking eggs in the kitchen when her husband comes running in…

Immediately, he sees the eggs and gasps in horror.

“Be careful! CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh, my GOSH!”

The wife, startled at her husband’s violent reaction, dashes to the fridge to get some butter.

“You’re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW!”

The wife, concerned by the status of her husband’s mental state,forgets about the butter and goes running to the eggs.

“WE NEED BUTTER! Are you CRAZY??? Where are we going to get the butter? They’re going to stick! HURRY!”

The wife runs to the fri-

“CAREFUL about the eggs! CAREFUL. You NEVER listen to me when you’re cooking! Never! Turn them quickly! Oh not that quickly, don’t you know how to cook? Are you insane? Turn the DAMN EGGS!”

At this point, the wife starts crying, since she has no idea what to do.

She gasps “What is WRONG with you? I know how to cook eggs.”

The husband simply smiles, remarks “I just wanted to show you what it feels like while I’m driving with you in the car”, and leaves.

What is Pac-Man’s favorite cooking utensil?

A wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok.

What is a nice guys’ favorite cooking utensil?


The Admiral was visiting one of his ships. When having tea he noticed that every biscuit has the ship’s insignia embossed on it.

He is impressed and calls the cook to ask him how he does this.

Cook: When rolling the biscuits I slap each one onto my belt buckle before putting them in the oven.

Admiral: That’s pretty unhygienic.

Cook: In that case sir, I’d suggest you skip the doughnuts.

This idiot calling himself a “food critic” said my cooking was awful, so I kicked him in the mouth.

He didn’t enjoy the taste of defeat.

I hate to admit it, but my wife’s cooking has seriously improved.

That was best slice of soup I’ve ever had!

My girlfriend’s such a bad cook…

She uses the smoke alarm as a timer.

More Funny Jokes

If you enjoyed this taste of hilarious jokes about cooking, be sure to try out the rest of LaffGaff for lots more really funny jokes, including these: