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Funny Restaurant Jokes
I arrived early to the restaurant.
The manager said, “Do you mind waiting a bit?”
I said no.
“Good,” he said. “Take these drinks to table nine.”
A woman goes into a restaurant with 15 kids.
The kids start goofing around while she’s talking to the waitress.
The mom gets impatient and yells, “Eddy! Stop that! Or else!”
All 15 boys suddenly sit down, obedient and quiet.
The waitress asks, “Did you really name all 15 of your boys Eddy?”
“Yup,” says the woman. “Makes it easier than trying to remember who’s who every time.”
“But what if you only want to talk to one of them for some reason?” the waitress asks.
“Well, then I just call them by their last names.”
I sat down for dinner at a restaurant, and the waiter asked me, “Do you want to hear today’s special?”
I said, “Yes please.”
Waiter: “No problem sir. Today is special.”
A man walks into an Indian restaurant.
The waiter asks, “Have you ever ordered here before?”
The man replies, “No, I haven’t.”
The waiter continues, “We’re a little different here. Before you order, I need you read and sign this form,” and he hands a piece of paper to the man.
The man squints at the paper and reads the single sentence, “We have naan at this restaurant.”
The man looked up, puzzled, and asked why he needed to sign this worthless statement.
The waiter replied, impatiently, “Just sign the naan disclosure agreement and we can move on.”
I was at a restaurant with my wife when a waitress suddenly screamed, “Does anyone know CPR??”
I shouted, “Even better, I know the whole alphabet!”
Well, everyone except this one guy.
Jesus and his disciples walk into a restaurant.
Jesus: A table for 26, please.
Headwaiter: But there’s only… um, 13 of you.
Jesus: Yeah, we’re all going to sit on the same side.
I went to an Indian restaurant last night for some garlic bread.
But they had naan.
A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the “Chicken Surprise”.
The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot.
Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down.
“Good grief, did you see that?” she asks her husband.
He hadn’t, so she asks him to look in the pot.
He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down.
Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening, and demands an explanation.
“Please sir,” says the waiter, “What did you order?”
The husband replies, “Chicken Surprise…”
“Ah! So sorry everyone,” says the waiter, “I brought you Peeking Duck.”
A guy sits down in a restaurant and orders a bowl of chili.
The waitress says, “Sorry, but the guy next to you got the last bowl”.
He looks over and sees that the guy’s finished his meal, but the bowl of chili is still full. He asks, “Are you going to eat that chili?”
The other guy says, “No. Help yourself”.
He slides the bowl of chili over and starts to eat. When he gets about half way down, his spoon hits something. He looks down sees a dead mouse and immediately pukes all the chili back into the bowl.
The other guy says, “Yeah, that’s about as far as I got, too”.
Your Indian restaurant is naan profit?
My Vietnamese is pho profit.
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
Great food, but it has no atmosphere.
Who is the most impressive guy in a restaurant?
He just brings so much to the table.
I’ve opened a restaurant called “Peace And Quiet.”
Kids meals only $150.
I recently opened a restaurant.
I guess you could call me an entrée-preneur.
Did you hear about Five Guys restaurants not serving women anymore?
Apparently they fired one guy, so now it’s Four Guys only.