The wait is over, because we’ve finally served up this fantastic collection of hilarious waiter jokes and puns!
You could say we’ve handed them to you on a plate!
Funny Waiter Jokes
I sat down for dinner at a restaurant, and the waiter asked me, “Do you want to hear today’s special?”
I said, “Yes please.”
He said, “No problem sir. Today is special.”
The waiter asked me, “How do you like your steak, sir?”
I said, “Like winning an argument with my wife.”
He replied, “Rare it is!”
My Chinese waiter thinks all white people look alike and gave my food to the wrong customer
Wait. Never mind. That wasn’t my waiter.
I went to a job interview for a job as a waiter today.
The interviewer said, “What would make you a good waiter?
I said, “Well, you could say I bring a lot to the table.”
Two Karens are out having dinner.
The waiter stops by their table and asks, “Is anything ok?”
The waiter said to me, “Be careful, the plate is really hot.”
I said, “No worries. I’m not really attracted to plates.”
The waiter said to me, “I’m glad you enjoyed your dinner. How did you find the steak?”
I said, “Super easy. It was right next to the potatoes.”
My boss: “You’re fired.”
Me: Turns in gun and badge.
My boss: “You’re a waiter where did you get those?”
Waiter, this coffee tastes like mud!
Yes sir, it’s fresh ground!
Waiter: I see you glass is empty, would you like another one?
Dad: Why would I want two empty glasses?
Who is the most impressive guy in a restaurant?
He just brings so much to the table.
He got the order wrong.
Why did the customer get upset at the waiter?
Our waiter at a Chinese restaurant said, “Soy sauce…”
So I said, “Hola, Sauce. Soy papá.”
Waiter: Do you wanna box for your leftover food?
Dad: No thanks, but I’ll wrestle you for them.
Being a waiter is hard.
The hours are long, the pay is low.
But at least it puts food on the table.
A tennis ball walks into a restaurant.
The waiter asks, “Have you been served?”
After finishing my meal, the waiter gave me the dessert menu.
“Can I ask you something?” I said.
“Certainly,” he replied.
I said, “Why did you just eat my food?”
What does the penguin waiter says?
Waddle’ll it be?
I went to a restaurant and the waiter sat me down and asked if I’d like to see a dessert menu.
I said, “No, that’s the last thing I want.”
Husband: “Waiter, my wife spilled her water.”
Waiter: “No problem, I’ll get you another one.”
Husband: “Make sure the next one likes sports.”
Wife: I am having an affair.
Me: Handing the menu to the waiter… I’ll have the affair as well.
I went to a restaurant and when I sat down the waiter asked, “Comfortable?”
I said, “No, comeforfood.”
What do you call it when a waiter brings you the wrong meal?
A server error.
What did the Australian chess player say to his waiter after eating his meal?
Her: I’ll have the salad, no nuts, please.
Waiter: Of course.
Me: It didn’t say it had nuts.
Her: I’m allergic, so I tell them to be safe.
Me: That makes sense.
Waiter: And for you?
Me: Steak, no bees, please.
Why was the UN concerned when the waiter dropped Thanksgiving dinner?
Because it meant the fall of turkey, the ruin of grease, and the breakup of china.
A man goes to a diner and orders a grilled cheese sandwich and a glass of room temperature sweet tea.
When his food arrives he takes a sip of the tea but finds it to be scorching hot.
“Ow!” yells the man. “I asked for this to be room temperature!”
“It is, sir,” says the waiter. “The kitchen is on fire.”
Jesus and his disciples walk into a restaurant.
Jesus asks for a table for 26.
The head waiter says, “But there’s only 13 of you.”
Jesus says, “Yeah, we’re all going to sit on the same side.”
More Funny Jokes
If you enjoyed these funny puns and jokes about waiters, be sure to check out the rest of LaffGaff for lots more hilarious jokes, including these: