Waitress Jokes And Puns

You don’t have to wait any longer because here we serve up our favorite funny waitress jokes and puns!

Here’s a tip for you – read them all, because they’re hilarious!

Header image for a page of funny waitress jokes and puns.

Funny Waitress Jokes

While at a restaurant, the waitress was totally flirting with me with my wife present.

After she walked away, my wife said, “She obviously has COVID!”

“Why would you think that?” I asked.

“Because she has no taste.”

I was at a restaurant with my wife when a waitress suddenly screamed, “Does anyone know CPR??”

I shouted, “Even better, I know the whole alphabet!”

Everyone laughed.

Well, everyone except this one guy.

Not to brag, but I’ve satisfied every waitress that has ever served me.

With just the tip.

The waitress saw me and my girlfriend were wrapping up our meals.

She said, “Y’all wanna box for your leftovers?”

I said, “I’m not much of a boxer, but I’ll wrestle you for them.”

“Waitress, can I ask you something about the menu please?”

Waitress: (slaps me across the face) “The men I please are none of your business!”

The waitress came over to see if we were ready to order by saying, “Are we good to go here?”

I said, “No, actually we’d like to stay and eat.”

I waved the waitress over to our table.

I said, “Could you get the bill for us?”

She said, “Absolutely.”

I said, “Thanks. We’re kind of broke.”

A wolf, a fox and a weasel all go to a diner.

The waitress comes over and asks them what they want to drink.

“Coffee,” growls the wolf.

“Water,” says the fox.

“Pop!” goes the weasel.

I told the waitress my coffee tasted like mud.

She said, “It should, it was fresh ground this morning.”

The waitress came over and asked me if she could take my plate.

I said, “Sure, it was yours to begin with.”

The waitress asked me, “Did everything come out alright?”

I said, “Not yet, but I’ll let you know in a couple hours.”

Waitress: Soup or salad?

Dad: Just the regular salad would be super.

Two men sit down at a restaurant.

A waitress comes to their table and takes their drink order.

When she returns a few minutes later with their beverages, she finds them both eating sandwiches out of paper bags.

“Hey!” she says, “you can’t eat your own food here!”

So they trade sandwiches.

I thought me and my girlfriend had something.

She met my parents, brought me dinner and called me honey.

Now suddenly…

She’s just a “waitress” and she was just “doing her job”.

In a Jerusalem restaurant, a waitress asks a customer, “How’s everything tasting?”

And the customer answers…

“Israeli good, thank you.”

I asked the waitress for a quickie and she slapped me.

The old woman next to me said, “It’s pronounced ‘quiche’, dear.”

Waitress: How did you find your steak?

Dad: I just looked next to the potatoes and there it was.

A waitress once threw sodium chloride on me.

That’s a salt.

Where do one-legged waitresses work?


What’s the name of the one-legged waitress that works at IHOP?


I think my waitress is hungry.

She keeps asking how my food is.

Waitress: Are you ready to order guys?

Me: I’ll pass on the guys and order a burger.

I’ve stopped tipping the waitress at a restaurant…

She kept falling onto the people sitting next to us!

Why did the waitress get promoted?

She brought a lot to the table.

My IT worker friend tried to flirt with a waitress and failed miserably.

I guess it wasn’t the first time he couldn’t connect to the server.

A couple is dining in a restaurant when suddenly the waitress catches the man slowly sliding under the table.

She sees that the woman is not bothered by this and assumes the worst.

Thinking how to approach the situation, she slowly gets to the table and quietly tells the woman, “Ma’am, I think your husband just slid under the table for no apparent reason.”

The woman turns her head and whispers, “You’re wrong my dear, my husband just entered the restaurant…”

Why do waitresses love serving men in fedoras?

If you’re nice to them, their tipping intensifies.

A janitor, a waitress, and a bartender walk into a bar.

Then they open for the day.

More Funny Jokes

If you enjoyed our funny puns and jokes about waitresses, be sure to sample the rest of the LaffGaff menu for lots more hilarious jokes such as these:

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