Snail Jokes And Puns

We may have been slow to bring you these hilarious snail jokes and puns, but we came out of our shells eventually!

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Funny Snail Jokes And Puns

Barack Obama goes to a costume party giving his wife a piggyback.

Someone asks what he is and he says, “I’m a snail! That’s M’Shell on my back!”

I took the shell off my racing snail, thinking it would make him faster.

Unfortunately, it just seems to have made him more sluggish.

Why do French people eat so many snails?

Because they don’t like fast food.

What do snails become when they die?


What happens when two snails get into a fight?

They slug it out.

Why did the snail paint an S on his car?

So when he sped past people they would say, “Look at that S car go”.

I met a French guy at my interpreter-training class, we were having conversation about food.

And suddenly he said, I like snails, why don’t Americans eat snails?

I said because they prefer fast food.

Two snails were in a race, and they tied.

I guess you could call it a snailmate.

What did the snail say while riding on a tortoise?


Why are French snails faster than American ones?

L’ess cargo.

Are slugs just snails that have gone through a divorce?

“Yep, she got the house.”

What do you call a snail on a boat?

A snailor.

Where do you find giant snails?

On the end of giants’ fingers.

A snail turned up at my birthday party.

He started to become a nuisance and was aggravating my other guests so I decided to pick him up and throw him out.

He then showed up at my next birthday party and said, “What did you do that for?!”

What does a snail keep in his shell?


Why do snails take self-defense classes?

So they don’t get assaulted.

A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for some important guests.

The wife was very excited about this and wanted everything to be perfect.

At the very last minute, she realized that she didn’t have any snails for the dinner party, so she asked her husband to run down to the beach with the bucket to gather some snails.

Very grudgingly he agreed. He took the bucket, walked out the door, down the steps, and out to the beach.

As he was collecting the snails, he noticed a beautiful woman strolling alongside the water just a little further down the beach.

He kept thinking to himself, “Wouldn’t it be great if she would even just come down and talk to me?”

He went back to gathering the snails.

All of a sudden he looked up, and the beautiful woman was standing right over him.

They started talking and she invited him back to her place. They ended up spending the night together.

At seven o’clock the next morning, the husband woke up and exclaimed, “Oh no!!! My wife’s dinner party!!!”

He gathered all his clothes, put them on real fast, grabbed his bucket, and ran out the door.

He ran down the beach all the way to his apartment.

He ran up the stairs of his apartment.

He was in such a hurry that when he got to the top of the stairs, he dropped the bucket of snails.

There were snails all down the stairs.

The door opened just then, with a very angry wife standing in the door way wondering where he’s been all this time.

He looked at the snails all down the steps, then he looked at her, then back at the snails and said, “Come on guys, we’re almost there!!”

If shotgun slugs are inside shotgun shells…

Does that make them shotgun snails?

A snail is heading home from work, very late one night when he gets mugged by a turtle.

When the police show up, the policeman asks the snail, “Can you describe the guy who did this to you?”

The snail says, “I don’t know… it all happened so fast.”

A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door.

He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.

Three years later, there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail.

The snail says, “What the hell was that all about?”

Have you ever observed the depression cycle of a snail?

It’s pretty much a downward spiral.

What do you call a snail’s luggage?

Its cargo.

I’m currently studying snails and slugs.

It’s safe to say I’m a slow learner.

What does a snail wear when they need to carry a lot of things?

Escargot pants.

Why did the doctor put a flesh-eating snail on the burn wound?

To make the Eschar go.

What did the sea snail say to the other sea snail when be cracked his shell?

Sea-kelp! Sea-kelp!

Two mailmen were out doing their rounds and met each other on a street corner.

They talked for a couple minutes then the first mailman saw a snail on the sidewalk so he stomped on it, crushing it.

The second mailman said, “Why did you do that?”

The first replied, “That thing has been following me around all day!”

More Funny Animal Jokes

If you enjoyed our jokes and puns about snails, why not take a look at the rest of LaffGaff, for lots more funny animal jokes such as these:

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