Rat Jokes And Puns

Escape the rat race and relax with these funny rat jokes and puns. Don’t worry, it’s not a (rat) trap – these jokes are hilarious!

Header image for a page of funny rat jokes and puns.

Funny Rat Jokes And Puns

I hit a rat with my car today.

It left a ro-dent.

Rats are underrated…

According to the dictionary.

Why can’t rodents be succesful criminals?

Beause someone always rats them out.

What do you call a rodent that steals your dessert?

A pie-rat.

Did you know the leading cause of cancer in lab rats is research scientists?

What kind of car insurance does a rat have?

Road dent insurance.

What do you get when you mix a rat and an elephant?

Who cares? It’s a relephant.

What’s the difference between an actor and a burnt rodent?

One’s Chris Pratt, the other’s a crisp rat.

Why does Arnold Schwarzenegger never have problems with mice, rats or cockroaches?

He’s an ex Terminator.

What did the man say when he accidentally dropped something into the sewer?

Rats!

A man walks into a diner one day and orders a bowl of chili but the waitress says she gave the last of it to a guy sitting nearby who is just staring at it.

After watching him not eating for a while, the first man asks him, “Are you going to eat that?”

The second man replies, “No, you can have it if you want.”

So the first man takes the bowl and starts eating.

About halfway through the bowl, he’s chewing when he feels a crunch. He looks down only to see half a dead rat sitting in the chili.

He immediately throws all of it up, back into the bowl.

The second man looks at him and says, “Yeah, that’s about as far as I got too.”

What did people say when they caught the Black Plague?

Aw rats!

A man walked into a bar. He sat down and asked the bar tender, “If I impress you, can I have a free drink?”

The bar tender said sure, so the man reached in his pocket and pulled out a tiny piano.

He then pulled out a small rat and set it by the piano.

It crawled on to the bench and began playing music.

The bar tender was amazed, so he gave the man a beer.

Next, the man said, “If I impress you even more, can I have free drinks for life?”

The bar tender didn’t think it was possible, so he agreed.

The man pulled a frog out of his pocket, and it began to sing by the piano.

The bar tender smiled and told the man that he was impressed.

A rich man in a suit with a cane walked into the bar, saw the small animals, and offered to buy them for $2 million.

The owner said no, but he offered to sell the frog for $500k.

The rich man agreed, took the frog, and left.

The bar tender couldn’t believe the owner just did that and said, “Why did you just sell the frog?! There is no singing now!”

The owner laughed and said, “Don’t worry; the rat is a ventriloquist!”

A Scottish man visits Canada for the first time

He goes for a hike and sees a moose. He asks the park ranger, “Oi! What animal is that then?”

“That’s a moose,” the ranger replied.

“A moose!” exclaimed the Scotsman. “If that there’s a moose, dear laddie, ye must have rats the size of elephants then!”

What would C.S.Lewis write if he was a rat?

The Chronicles of Gnaw-rnia.

My friend’s a scientist and accidentally chilled his lab rat to absolute zero.

At first the rat was just frozen, but he’s 0K now.

One day, a guy went into a store, just browsing. He suddenly saw a statue of a rat made of bronze, and thought that it was interesting. He decided to buy it, and so he did.

The guy walked out of the store, carrying the statue in his arms. Suddenly some rats started following him.

He shrugged it off, and continued on his way.

As he walked along, more and more rats started following him, until all the rats in the city were behind him. He suddenly realized that it was the statue that was doing this.

He headed towards the bay that resided next to the city, and threw the statue in. The rats followed, not caring about their immediate deaths.

The guy ran back to the store, and when he reached it, the store owner said, “No refunds.”

The guy shook his head, and said, “No, no, I was wondering if you had any statues like the one I bought, only, shaped like a politician.”

Researchers have recently started using lawyers instead of rats in their lab experiments.

You don’t get so attached to them, and there are some things a rat just won’t do.

I knew I was destined to be a psychologist not a magician…

When I pulled a habit out of a rat.

What do rats like on their birthday?

Mice cream and cake.

More Animal Jokes

If you enjoyed our jokes about rats, be sure to check out the rest of LaffGaff for lots more funny animal jokes such as these: