We gnaw you’ll like these funny beaver jokes and puns, because they’re the best dam examples you could find anywhere!
Funny Beaver Jokes
I just watched a program about beavers. It was the best dam program I’ve ever seen.
What did the river say when it saw beavers approaching? Well I’ll be dammed…
What do beavers like to put on their salads? Branch dressing.
What did the beaver parents yell at their kids? Clean your dam room!
What did the parent beaver say to the kid beaver? Shut the dam door!
Which species of animal is going to suffer eternal torment in the afterlife? Beavers. They’re all dammed.
So theres these two beavers. One is named Joe and the other, Steven. Joe and Steven have a fire. Joe decides he’s hungry so he grabs a pan and some sticks. Steven runs over and says, “Joe what are you doing?” And Joe says, “I’m just grilling up some sticks.” Steven immediately smacks the pan from Joe’s paw and says, “Joe, that’s a non-stick pan!”
Why was the beaver mad? Because no-one came to his dam party.
Where do beavers live? JustIn TimberLakes.
Beaver 1: “Sir, the river is running at full capacity with no obstruction!” Beaver 2: “Dam it!”
Why did the beaver cross the road? Because he didn’t give a dam.
A rabbit and a beaver are looking up at the majesty of the Hoover Dam. Finally, the beaver turns to the rabbit and says, “Well I didn’t build it, but it’s based on my design.”
Did you hear about the beaver in his rebellious phase? He just didn’t give a dam.
What did the atheist beaver say when he died and went to hell? “Well I’ll be dammed.”
Are beavers the best builders in the animal kingdom? Dam right they are.
What did the selfish beaver say to the deer that asked him to help stop the flooding affecting her grazing grounds? Frankly, my deer, I don’t give a dam.
What does a beaver say when they see water? Dam it.
I walked out my my cabin to find a beaver chewing on my favorite tree. Me: “Will you stop doing that, Mr. Beaver?” Beaver: “Gnaw.”
What did the beaver say when it saw it’s home on fire? Hot dam!
My Dutch guinea pigs want to become beavers. They’re building a Hamsterdam.
The beaver’s mistake … Was his own dam fault!
Why was the beaver homeless? He just couldn’t give a dam.
I was reading a cool book about beavers. It was the best dam book I have ever read.
I just bought a beaver and named him Clint. Clint eats wood.
A distraught farmer asked a preacher what would happen if he killed a beaver who had begun working near the canal by his farm. “Damned if you do, dammed if you don’t.”
Otters are more laid back than beavers. They just don’t give a dam.
A beaver watches as a turbulent river destroys his home. “Dam,” he thinks.
If beavers could form a country … It’d be a damnation.
A new study proves that beavers cause extensive flooding. I’ve read it. The evidence against them is damming.
A beaver’s tail makes them look odd. But without it they would look otter.
All these beautiful rivers, ruined by beavers … Dam!
A beaver goes into a bar, sees a man standing behind the bar and asks, “Is the bar tender here?”
The Beavers have the ugliest house in the neighborhood. It’s a dam shame.
What did the beaver say to the tree? “It’s been nice gnawing you.”
Recently found out Hell was made of demon beaver homes? So that’s what they meant by eternal dam nation.
A beaver is eating an ice cream. He has a sour look on his face. “I wish I’d reach the stick already,” he mumbles to himself.
Environmentalists are debating whether or not to remove a local beaver population. Leaving them would cause flooding, but removing them would affect wildlife. Damned if they do, damned if they don’t.
One time, I saw a beaver and I thought it was odd. Then I saw another marine animal, and I thought it was otter.
What is a beaver’s favorite kind of math? Logarithms.
Why didn’t the beaver build homes for charity? Because beavers don’t give a dam.
Why did the beaver break up with his girlfriend? Because he’s in love with some otter girl.
It finally got to the point that the zoo had to get rid of the beaver exhibit. It just wasn’t worth a dam.
Why was the beaver was found guilty? Because the prosecutor had damming evidence.
Had beaver curry last night. Bit like a normal curry, just a little otter.
A beaver got hit on the head with a falling tree. Dam.
What did the beaver find after his home was destroyed by a flood? Not a dam thing.
The beaver says, “I didn’t build that, Your Honor.” The judge points at the picture of the pile of logs in the river and says, “We have damming evidence against you.”
What’s the worst part about being a beaver? It’s a lot of dam work.
Beavers are great dam builders and Canada’s national animal. That’s why Canada is the best dam country in the world!
What did the beaver say when he chipped his tooth? Dam it!
One day, a young deer named Frank Lee went out with his mother. As they were carrying on with their daily business, they came across a river with a beaver building a dam. The young deer asked his mother, “Why is the beaver building a dam?” His mother responded, “Not for long. Watch and learn, son.” The mother then proceeded to destroy and wreak havoc on the dam the beaver had built, destroying it in the process. All the branches and sticks were gone with the wind. Frank Lee was distraught and started to panic. “You didn’t have to do that, mother!” The mother calmly responded, “Frank Lee, my deer, I don’t give a dam.”
What do you call a communist beaver? A dam commie.
Where does a beaver priest live? In a God dam house!
How can you tell that only male beavers cut down trees? Because they’re all fellers.
Jokes About Beavers
If you enjoyed these hilarious puns and jokes about beavers, be sure to take a look at the rest of LaffGaff for lots more funny jokes, such as these: