Soar to new heights of laughter with these funny eagle jokes and puns! They so claw-some, you’ll be amazed at our talon-t!
Funny Eagle Jokes
Why don’t you breed an eel with an eagle?
It’s eel-eagle.
What do you call a sick eagle?
Illegal.
What’s the difference between a fly and an eagle?
An eagle can fly but a fly cannot eagle.
What do you call an eagle who can play the piano?
Talonted.
My roomba went out my front door and a pack of bears attacked it, an eagle carried it away to the ocean, and a shark finished it off.
Nature abhors a vacuum.
A sick eagle crossed the border without a passport.
He is now ill-eagle.
What did the Canadian eagle say?
“I’m soary”.
A hunter kills and eats a bald eagle, and is arrested for violating the Endangered Species Act.
He pleads guilty, and throws himself on the mercy of the court.
“Your Honor,” the hunter said, “I had no idea that it was illegal to kill and eat a bald eagle. If you let me go, I’ll never do it again.”
“You’ve committed a very serious crime,” the judge replies. “But you clearly weren’t aware of the law, so I’m willing to overlook it this one time. However, before I let you go, I’m going to ask you to do one thing.”
“Anything, Your Honor,” the hunter replies. “What is it?”
The judge says, “It’s been illegal to kill a protected species for many years, so very few people have ever eaten a bald eagle. For the record, can you please tell everyone what a bald eagle tastes like?”
The hunter thinks for a moment and then replies, “It tastes pretty good. Kind of like a cross between a spotted owl and a condor.”
What do you get if you shoot an eagle on a par 5?
About a $300 fine and your gun and truck confiscated.
I saw a half lion, half eagle in the dining room at Hogwarts.
Everyone was wondering how it had got in but it was obvious.
It came through the Griffindor.
How big was that seagull?
Almost as big as a D gull, but not big enough to be an eagle.
What do you call a sick bird from Mars?
An ill eagle alien.
Did you know there is a church for eagles?
They are birds of pray after all.
What do you call a gun with whipped cream on it?
A dessert eagle.
Healthy eagles come from America.
Ill eagles come from Mexico.
What do you call an eagle out on the sea?
A seagull.
Did you hear about the bald eagle that became a preacher?
He thought he was a bird of pray.
An eagle goes looking for a mate.
He swoops down and picks up a loon but the loon says, “I’m a loon, I’m a loon, I love to spoon.”
The eagle realizes this will not work, so he kicks the loon out and finds a hawk but the hawk says, “I’m a hawk, I’m a hawk, I just want to talk.”
Realizing that that will not work, he kicks out the hawk and finds a dove but the dove says, “I’m a dove, I’m a dove, I don’t make love.”
Frustrated now at three failed attempts, the eagle kicks out the dove and picks up a duck: “I’m a drake, I’m a drake, you made a mistake!”
I’ve got the heart of a lion and the eye of an eagle.
And now I’m banned from entering the zoo.
Mick Jagger and Keith Richards were cruising down the coast.
Coming around a bend they saw a magnificent bald eagle in the middle of the road.
When Mick swerved to miss it he lost control of the car and they plummeted off a cliff to their death.
A tragic case of killing two Stones with one bird.
What do a mole and an eagle have in common?
They both live underground.
Except for the eagle.
What do you call an eagle who can’t catch its prey?
Talont-less.
How can you identify a bald eagle?
All his feathers are combed to one side.
Pony and Eagle walked up to Coyote.
Pony tells Coyote: “I am very mad at Eagle. Will you yell at him for me?”
Coyote: “Why can’t you yell at him yourself?”
Pony replies: “Because I’m a little horse.”
Jokes About Eagles
If you liked these puns and jokes about eagles, take a look at the rest of LaffGaff for lots more funny jokes, such as these:
