Funny Juan Jokes

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The Juan and only collection of funny Juan jokes you could ever need!

Juan Jokes

I hate Tacos…

Said no Juan ever.


How many Mexicans does it take to change a light bulb?

Just Juan.


What do you call two guys from Mexico playing basketball?

Juan on Juan.


Juan Vega, the clam diver, found an injured sea otter and nursed it back to health.

From the moment the grateful otter was able to walk, it never left Juan’s side. It even learned to dig for clams.

One day, a man went to Juan’s house looking to hire him for a week. His wife answered the door.

“‘Sure,” his wife said. “It will cost you $500.”

‘That much?”

“But you’re getting my husband and his otter. They bring up more clams than anyone else in town.”

“I just want Juan. I’ll hire him alone for $350,” the man countered.

“Sorry,” she shrugged. “You can’t have Juan without the otter.”


What are the chances of winning the Mexican lottery?

Juan in a million.


Who is Mexico’s greatest super hero?

Juan-der Woman.


A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption.

One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named ‘Amal.’

The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan’.

Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, “But they are twins. If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal.” ‘


Seven days with no food makes Juan week.


What number do you call in a Taco emergency?

Nine Juan Juan.


What’s a Mexican’s favorite martial art?

Tae K-Juan Do.


How do you start a Mexican bedtime story?

Juans upon a time.


Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He’s got two large bags over his shoulders.

The guard stops him and says, “What’s in the bags?”

“Sand,” answered Juan.

The guard says, “We’ll just see about that – get off the bike!”

The guard takes the bags and rips them apart, he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand.

He detains Juan overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags.

The guard releases Juan, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the man’s shoulders, and lets him cross the border.

The next day, the same thing happens. The guard asks, “What have you got?”

“Sand,” says Juan.

The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to Juan, and Juan crosses the border on his bicycle.

This sequence of events is repeated every day for a year.

Finally, Juan doesn’t show up one day and the guard later meets him in a Cantina in Mexico.

“Hey, Buddy,” says the guard, “I know you are smuggling something. It’s driving me crazy. It’s all I think about… I can’t sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?”

Juan sips his beer and says, “Bicycles.”


What did the Mexican woman say to her boyfriend?

You’re the Juan for me.


Mexican jokes are like black jokes.

Once you’ve heard Juan, you’ve heard Jamal.


What’s a Mexican’s favorite boy band?

Juan Direction.


What do you call a rich Mexican?

Part of the Juan percent.


Did you hear about the drunk Mexican?

He had Juan too many drinks.


How does a Mexican climb Mount Everest?

Juan step at a time.


What do you call a Mexican Jedi?

Obi Juan Kanobe.


What’s a Mexican’s favorite film?

Juan Hundred And Juan Dalmatians.


Knock knock!

Who’s there?

Don Juan.

Don Juan who?

Don Juan to go to school today, let’s go to the zoo instead.


What’s a Mexican’s favorite book?

Alice In Juan-derland.


What are the odds of a Mexican getting across the border?

Juan in a million.


Juan was the custodian at a local grade school.

Everyone loved Juan. He was so sweet and compassionate with the kids and did a wonderful job.

One day the principal came up to Juan and said, “You know Juan, you care about this school so much, maybe you should run for the board of education”

And Juan said: “You know, I’ve never thought about that before, but why not?”

So Juan got up in front of the people in town and gave a speech. “My name is Juan, I love my wife, I love my kids, and I love my dog.”

Now politicians tend to be dishonest, but the people of this town knew Juan, and his statements hit home with them. Juan was elected by a landslide.

From that day, Juan worked tirelessly to clean up the schools, day and night, instituting new programs and fixing the curriculum.

In a very short time graduation rates doubled and test scores shot up. Then one day the governor died of a heart attack, and the people who Juan worked with closely on the board suggested Juan run.

Juan said, “Well I’ve never thought about that before, but why not?”

Juan gave a speech to his state. “My name is Juan, I love my wife, I love my kids and I love my dog.”

The state went wild for such an honest and lovable man and he was elected.

As governor he made his home state a wonderful place to live, businesses boomed, communities were peaceful, crime was down and employment was up. Everyone loved Juan.

Then one day Juan was approached by a political group that endorses candidates for major offices. They asked Juan if he would like to run for president.

Juan said, “Hmm, I’ve never thought about that before, but why not?”

Juan stood before the American people and said, “My name is Juan, I love my wife, I love my kids, and I love my dog.”

The crowd went ballistic, the American people lost their minds. No candidate had ever been so universally loved like Juan.

Juan was elected President of the United States. A few years go by.

Juan kept every one of his campaign promises. Unemployment was down to basically nothing, the economy was booming, the national debt was on its way to being paid off.

Then reality hit Juan. He had nowhere to go from here.

Juan became depressed. He started drinking heavily.

One day he was sitting in the Oval office drunk as a skunk when his wife came in. She wanted funding for a new project. Juan didn’t listen. He pulled out a gun and shot her.

Then Juan’s children came into the oval office wanting the time and attention of their father. He shot them as well.

Lastly his dog came trotting in looking for a walk or a treat but he shot the dog as well.

This didn’t sit well with the American people. He was arrested and put up for impeachment but was able to make bail and get out for a while before the trial, but he wasn’t allowed back in the white house and he didn’t have a home.

Juan wandered the streets with a heavy heart when it started to rain. Juan found a dumpster, lifted the lid and started to climb in.

A homeless man jumped up from inside the dumpster and pushed Juan away.

“This is my dumpster” said the homeless man.

“Please let me sh are it tonight” said Juan.

“No… Wait a minute, I know you,” said the homeless man, “You’re Juan! You’re that sick son of a bitch that killed his wife, and kids, and dog!”

“I know” said Juan, “but please, I have nowhere to go.”

The homeless man told Juan to go away, but Juan just begged and begged. Eventually the homeless man pulled out a golf gun and shot him.

What’s a golf gun? Well I don’t know either, but it sure shot a hole in Juan.


So Juan, Pablo, and Jose are all attempting to cross the border legally.

A border guard stops when he sees only one of them has the correct papers, and says, “Whoa whoa whoa there can be only Juan!”


Juan has 40 chocolate bars. He eats one. What does Juan have now?

Diabetes. Juan has diabetes.


What do you call a Mexican that graduated college?

The chosen Juan.


When Trump was elected President, Juan was very worried.

I guess you could say it was because of Hispanic attacks.


Three Mexicans named Juan arrive at the border and see the sign “No Trespassing”.

Very disappointed, they don’t know what to do. Violating the sign will mean trouble later on with law; they could be deported back to Mexico.

Having spent so much time and effort, going back at this point is also not a good option.

They stand there scratching their head for hours, but nothing comes.

Then the most quick witted among them said, “No problem, let us all form a line and go Juan by Juan.”


Knock, knock!

Who’s there?

Juan.

Juan who?

Juan to hear any more knock knock jokes?


Why doesn’t Mexico have an Olympic team?

Because every Juan that can jump, run and swim is already in the U.S.


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