We thought we’d court your attention with these funny basketball jokes and puns! You’ll be dribbling with laughter after you’ve read them!
Funny Basketball Jokes
God and Satan arranged a basketball game between Heaven and Hell.
“I know for a fact we are gonna win,” said God. “We have all the best players up here… Wilt Chamberlain, Moses Malone, Kobe Bryant, and so on.”
“I wouldn’t count on that, God,” said Satan. “You see, down here, we have all the referees.”
Low wage workers play basketball.
Tradesmen go bowling.
Middle managers play softball.
Upper managers play tennis.
CEOs play golf.
The lesson: the higher you climb, the smaller your balls get.
They always asked me if I play basketball because I was tall.
They stopped asking me that when I asked them if they play mini golf.
Hey, flatearther, wanna play basketball?
Tosses him a frisbee.
The anti-vax basketball team lost every game this season.
Apparently they never take any shots.
Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?
He heard the ref was blowing fouls.
What kind of cheese do basketball players eat?
Swish cheese.
What do you call a pumpkin that can slam dunk a basketball?
Michael Gourdan.
So I gave a blind guy a basketball.
I think he’s still trying to read it.
What do you call a communist basketball tournament?
Marx Madness.
What do you call basketball goals in Hawaii?
Hula hoops.
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan.
I was interviewing for a job and they asked if I would be alright with travelling.
I said, “Definitely not! I play basketball by the rules.”
Why are Muslims so good at playing basketball?
Because their religion says “I slam.”
Why didn’t the fish try out for basketball?
Because they were afraid of the net.
I saw a man walking through an airport carrying a basketball.
Must’ve been traveling.
Why does every retired basketball player open a brewery?
Because they’ve got hops.
Why don’t giraffes play basketball at the zoo?
Too many cheetahs.
Why aren’t birds allowed to play basketball?
They commit too many fowls.
My dad was an organ player at basketball games.
One time something got stuck on the organ and it made such a loud sound he sadly died.
The death was listed as “organ failure”.
What do you get when you cross a farmer and a basketballer?
Lebarn James.
Why was the basketball court so wet?
Because people kept dribbling on it.
What’s the difference between a female basket and a male basket?
Basketballs.
Why are basketball players good at handling breakups?
Because they can always rebound.
Why does every tech company have a basketball hoop in the parking lot?
So people won’t have troubleshooting.
It was a bad idea to ask the chicken farmer to referee the basketball game.
He kept calling fowls.
I was wondering why the basketball was getting bigger…
And then it hit me.
Which dinosaur was the best at playing basketball?
The LeBrontosaurus.
If traveling is a violation in basketball then shouldn’t the entire visiting team be disqualified?
A blue whale is so large that if you laid it end to end across a basketball court…
The game would be cancelled.
Legend has it that basketball used to be played with glass beads, and we only started using rubber balls in the 1900s.
Switching was indeed a marbleless idea.
Why is Cinderella not good at basketball?
Because she always runs away from the ball.
Mr. Potato Head went to a basketball game last night.
He was a spec-tater.
What policy means that ant schools are forced to expel their most promising basketball players?
Zero taller-ants.
Why are basketball players messy eaters?
Because they’re always dribbling.
Why are cats so bad as basketball?
They shoot too many hair balls.
What do you call a basketball player that always makes mistakes?
LeWrong James.
Where do new basketball players get their uniforms from?
New Jersey.
Why hasn’t Africa ever won Olympic gold in basketball?
Because Africa isn’t a country.
A woman goes to the doctor and asks about options to augment her breasts..
She doesn’t want surgery, so that rules out implants.
The doctor suggests a new technology for her bra that uses the inflatable pump mechanism that was made popular with basketball sneakers.
If she helps trial the product, she’ll get them for free.
She tries them out and gets fitted properly.
It has little sacs in her bra that are inflated when she flaps her arms like a chicken, giving her a larger bust.
She decides to go out to the bar to see if men will notice.
She sees a handsome man across the room and starts walking up to him, seductively smiling, flapping her arms and says, “Haven’t I seen you here before?”
“No, but I think we go to the same doctor,” he answers, furiously opening and closing his legs.
My wife phoned me and said, “You better come to the hospital. My mother hasn’t got long to live!”
I replied, “But it’s March Madness! All the basketball games are important!”
She said, “Record it and watch it later.”
You should have seen her face when I turned up at the hospital with the camcorder and the tripod.
What do Jewish people and basketball games have in common?
The tip off.
More Funny Jokes
If you liked these hilarious jokes and puns about basketball, check out the rest of LaffGaff for lots more funny jokes, such as these:
