Skiing Jokes

These funny skiing jokes and puns certainly don’t go downhill fast. In fact, they’re sure to chair you up and lift your spirits!

Header image for a page of funny skiing jokes and puns.

Funny Skiing Jokes And Puns

I thought taking a job as a ski instructor would be great.

But it really went downhill fast.

I used to own 3 ski lodges, one in the Alps, one in Aspen and one in France.

When I got divorced the first 2 times, my exes each got a lodge as part of the settlement.

The third marriage, I decided I needed a prenuptial agreement to cover my assets.

It was all I could do. It was my last resort!

Why do Polish people have ski at the end of their names?

Because they can’t spell toboggan.

A Scottish guy goes on a skiing holiday to Canada.

After a hard day on the slopes he retires to a bar at the bottom of the mountain.

After about five or six whiskeys, he looks up and notices a stuffed animal with antlers on the wall.

He asks the barman, “What is that?”

The barman says, “It’s a moose.”

The Scottish chap yells, “Geez! How big are the cats!?”

Somebody asked me recently why I took up downhill skiing.

I told them uphill skiing was far too difficult.

A financial tip: Don’t invest in skiing companies.

The entire sport is going downhill fast.

My local ski resort was ripped off last week for around $900.

The robber stole a burger, two beers, and some chips.

You could say that getting addicted to skiing…

Is a slippery slope.

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy Bob so they loaded up Jack’s mini van and headed north.

After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.

“I realize it’s terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I’m recently widowed,” she explained. “I’m afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house.”

“Don’t worry,” Jack said. “We’ll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we’ll be gone at first light.”

The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.

Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.

About nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.

He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, “Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up North?”

“Yes, I do,” said Bob.

“Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?”

“Yes,” Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out. “I have to admit that I did.”

“And did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?”

Bob’s face turned red and he said, “Yeah, sorry, buddy. I’m afraid I did. Why do you ask?”

“She just died and left me everything.”

What do you call a non-skiing Inuit?

An emo.

A friend and I got into a fight on a ski lift.

It was an uphill battle.

When my wife goes skiing she finds it fun to fall on purpose.

She’s a strange woman, but that’s how she rolls.

Ski lifts always chair me up.

As I got off the chairlift, I came to the realization that skiing is not for me.

It all went downhill from there.

I tried to do some harder skiing courses once but you know what they say.

It’s a slippery slope.

I broke up with my girlfriend on a ski trip.

Our relationship was going downhill.

I have a meeting at the bank later and if it’s a success, I will be out of debt and own everything I have now.

I’m so excited, I can barely put on my ski mask..

A Pharaoh calls to make a reservation at a ski resort.

He says: “I’d like to make a reservation for two please.”

Attendant: “Absolutely. Can I get your name please?”

Pharaoh: “Neferneferuaten”

Attendant: “Can you spell that out for me?”

Pharaoh: “Bird, double triangle, wavy line, dog head, more bird, flames.”

Old skiers go downhill fast.

A novice skier often jumps to contusions.

People in Switzerland can’t learn to ski without a lot of alp.

I retired from skiing.

My skills were just going downhill.

More Funny Jokes

If you enjoyed these funny skiing jokes, be sure to check out the rest of LaffGaff for lots more funny jokes such as these: