Cricket Jokes And Puns

Let us say right off the bat that these funny cricket jokes and puns knock it out of the ground! Be warned though, there’s no boundaries to these jokes!

Header image for a page of funny cricket jokes and puns.

Funny Cricket Jokes

If you had one cricket ball in one hand and another cricket ball in your other hand, what would you have?

A very big cricket.

My wife says she’s leaving me due to my obsession with cricket.

I’ll be honest, it’s knocked me for six.

My wife asked me if I had seen the dog bowl.

I replied that I didn’t know he played cricket.

I recently played in a Star Wars themed cricket match.

Every time the ball was delivered the umpire struck back.

A woman is giving birth and her husband rushes to the hospital to be there.

On his way, he decides to call the hospital to see how she’s doing but he accidentally calls Lords cricket ground instead.

Someone answers and the husband asks, “Hi. How’s everything going there?”

The reply came, “Well… we have three out and hope to have the rest out by lunch. Last one was a duck.”

A cricket walks into a store selling sports goods, looking to buy a baseball bat.

He walks up to the clerk and asks, “Could you tell me where the baseball bats are located, please?”

The clerk is, not surprisingly, shocked to see a talking cricket, but he decides to play it cool.

“Over there,” the clerk says, before adding, “Hey! Do you know we have a sport named after you?”

The cricket is shocked. “What? You have a sport called Sylvester?”

What does a cricket umpire say while practising in front of the mirror?

“I’ll show myself out.”

What did the train conducter say to the carriage full of cricket players?

Wickets, please!

I watched the cricket for four hours today and I finally understand it…

It uses its legs to make a noise.

I heard that cricket matches can last for days.

No rest for the wicket, I suppose.

Why doesn’t China have a cricket team?

They eat bats and don’t understand the concept of boundaries.

What do you call an enforcer of cricket rules who has no reflection?

A vumpire.

A young cricketer was proud of his progress as a batsman and invited his mother-in-law along to watch him play, hoping to impress her.

At the crease, he turned to the wicketkeeper and said, “I’m anxious to do well and really hit this ball. That’s my wife’s mother over there.”

“Don’t be silly,” said the wicketkeeper. “You’ll never hit her from here.”

Why did the cricket team need cigarette lighters?

Because they lost all of their matches.

A British man just doesn’t understand why people like cricket despite trying very hard to get into the game.

He knows it’s his national sport and he also doesn’t care much for football and rugby, so he always feels left out at the pub.

Then one day, he comes in early for a pint, and there’s this strange game on the screen.

“What’s that game up there, Albert?” He aks the guy behind the bar.

Albert looks baffled, “Why, that’s baseball mate!”

He’d never seen a baseball game before. He’s enchanted. He loves the geometry of the field, the green grass, FOUR beautiful bases, my word!

He runs home to his wife. “Baseball!” he cries on his way through the door. And the bug has bit him. Bad.

After a few months, he’s all caught up. Not only has he watched all the World Series on tape, he’s seen the playoffs, highlight reels, Hall of Fame ceremonies, everything.

He turns to his wife and says, “Mabel? What would you say to moving to America?”

She’s hesitant, but she agrees.

His son, however, isn’t so hot on the idea. But the decision has been made. They move.

The man decides to go for broke and apply for a baseball job. He gets a small position at a minor league field, keeping the grounds. He’s in heaven.

After a few months, all the workers at the stadium notice his facility in understanding the game, and ask him if he’d be interested in becoming an umpire. He agrees.

After a while, he’s become one of the most beloved umps in the MLB. Nothing could be better. Except for at home.

While his wife is happy with the course their life has taken, his son is depressed. He misses England, he misses his friends, he misses his old life. No amount of consolation works.

It gets to the breaking point when the boy refuses to even sit upon his father’s lap. Ever again.

And so, sad to say, the son never sits on the British umpire.

What do amputees and cricket have in common?


I stayed in an English Hotel that was so quaint that when I first arrived, rather than a mint, there were a couple of cricket balls and a bat on the bed.

Though the bat did fly out of the window after only a few minutes, and I never did find the rest of the cricket.

I’ve been trying to think of a name for my shop selling cricket equipment.

But I’m stumped.

What’s the difference between Cinderella and the Australian Cricket team?

Cinderella knew when to leave the ball.

I drive my car like I play cricket.

I hit and run.

Why can’t China play cricket?

They keep eating their bats.

What animal is always at a game of cricket?

A bat.

I put together a cricket team, but they didn’t do very well.

They kept getting squished by the ball.

Who is the best cricket player?


I was playing cricket with body parts in the park today.

Nobody batted an eye lid.

Why should you never go to a nightclub with a batsman who struggles with short-pitched bowling?

Because they always get in a tangle with the bouncer.

China should have a cricket team.

They can take out the whole world with one bat.

Why are deep fielders so well-behaved?

Because they know their boundaries and can stay within them.

Four men at a bar discuss the most difficult sport to play.

The first man, wide as a dishwasher and having huge muscles all over, says, “I’m a football player, it’s the hardest sport in the world to play! You’ve gotta be in top physical condition and have excellent situational awareness.”

The second man, an older gentleman wearing a collared shirt, says, “Sorry champ, but the actual hardest sport to play is golf. Every swing of the club is a calculated symphony of body mechanics; the mental fortitude you need is unreal!”

The third man, adorned in a gray peacoat, says, “Gentleman, I have played in chess tournaments across 3 continents, and I can assure you that chess is the most difficult sport of all. You need to memorize and recall 30,000 moves before you can even face a college team!”

They all drink and then turn their attention to the fourth man who had baggy eyes and calloused fingers.

The football player says, “What do you do?”

The man replies, “Well I’m a cricket player.”

“I’m sure you think cricket is the hardest thing to play then?”

The man says, “You bet it is! Do you know how hard it is to get those things to chirp in key?”

I’m going to apply for the job as Australia’s next cricket captain.

I’ve been ball tampering for years and never got caught.

I fell in love with a girl who plays cricket.

She bowled me over.

A guy goes to the doctor.

Doctor: What’s the matter?

Patient: Doc, I’ve got a cricket ball stuck up my backside.

Doctor: How’s that?

Patient: Don’t you start!

Why do bad fielders never get sick?

Because they never catch anything.

I wondered why the cricket ball was getting bigger and bigger…

And then it hit me!

Why didn’t the cricket team believe what their captain told them?

Because he had a very silly point.

What’s a batsman’s least favorite bird?

A duck.

More Funny Jokes

If you enjoyed our hilarious puns and jokes about cricket, check out the rest of LaffGaff for lots more funny jokes, including these:

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