Spoiler alert: Every single one of these funny racing jokes and puns is a sure-fire winner! So take a quick look at them now: on your marks …
Funny Racing Jokes
My favorite gambling event is horse racing, but I’m bad at it.
No matter how hard I try, the horses are just way faster.
I took the shell off my racing snail, thinking it would make him faster.
Unfortunately, it just seems to have made him sluggish.
What kind of car racing comes from Mexico?
Formula Juan.
My wife and kids are threatening to leave, because of my obsession with horse-racing.
And they’re off!
My new girlfriend left me because of my addiction to horse racing.
I knew it wouldn’t last furlong.
What do you call it when two photographic journalists from Helsinki are racing to get a picture of the next top news story?
A photo Finnish.
I’ve been breeding racing deer.
Just trying to make a quick buck.
I have some racing geese for sale.
Let me know if you want to take a quick gander.
What is a vampire’s favorite racing game?
Need for Bleed.
My girlfriend bet me I couldn’t make a racing car out of spaghetti.
You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta.
Do you know why penguins are amazing racing car drivers?
Because they always start on pole position.
Aladdin has been banned from flying carpet racing.
Apparently, he was using performance enhancing rugs.
I watched a documentary about car racing, but I didn’t enjoy it as much as I thought.
Too many spoilers.
What do a bad computer and a bad racing team have in common?
Drivers that frequently crash.
When do vampires like horse racing?
When it’s neck and neck.
What is a cat’s favorite racing game?
Grand Purrismo.
What is a knight’s favorite racing game?
Need for Steed.
What trophy do octopuses win as the grand prize in the cephalopod racing tournament?
The Suction Cup.
Why didn’t the lion win the race?
He was racing a cheetah.
I don’t really like watching F1 racing anymore.
I find F5 to be more refreshing.
Why are racing drivers the best people to go to for dating advice?
They’re trained to look for red flags.
A lettuce and a tomato are racing.
The lettuce is a head and the tomato is trying to ketchup.
Three racing drivers were driving from Boston to Disneyland.
After three days they arrived at their destination and turned around and went home after they saw the sign saying, “Disneyland left.”
I was going to go greyhound racing this weekend but decided against it.
They’re too fast. I’d never win.
What sound do drag racing street sweepers make?
Broom broom.
I keep trying to watch racing on my computer.
But every time I press the F1 key it just opens a help window.
What do racing car drivers wear under their fire retardant suits?
Speedos.
What’s the hardest part about drag racing?
Running in heels.
I tried horse racing once, but I fell at the first fence.
I might have done better if I had a horse.
How do you make a million dollars dirt racing?
Start with 2 million dollars.
A man wakes up and looks at his clock. It is 7:07 am.
He gets out of bed, goes downstairs and glances at his calendar. It says it is July 7, the seventh day of the seventh month.
As he steps outside he notices Bus number 7 going by.
He walks to a coffee shop and orders a coffee and a bite to eat and the bill comes to $7.77.
The man thinks, “Hmmm… all these sevens… I think the universe is trying to tell me something.”
So feeling that maybe this is his lucky day, the man cuts out early from work and goes to the race track. He reads the racing schedule and sees that in the seventh race horse number 7 is called “Lucky Universe”.
The man can’t believe it. He runs up to the teller and bets all his money on the horse.
The horse came in seventh.
Jokes About Racing
If you liked these hilarious puns and jokes about racing, be sure to check out the rest of LaffGaff for lots more funny jokes, such as these:
