Funny Business Jokes

Humor is a great way to get through the boring days in work, especially business jokes that make you see the funny side of the corporate world.

We’ve published our office jokes before, and now here’s some more funny business jokes for you to enjoy.

A collection of really funny business jokes

Best Business Jokes

What’s the best way to make a small fortune in the stock market?

Start off with a big fortune.

I just started a business where we specialize in weighing tiny objects.

It’s a small scale operation.

I tried to start a hot air ballooning business but it never took off.

What sort of money do need if you want to start your own landscaping business?

A hedge fund.

I’ve started a business making boats in my attic.

Sails are going through the roof.

I used to be a doctor but then I lost patients.

Bill struggled to get up early in the morning and as a result was always late for work. His boss got fed up of his constant lateness and so threatened to fire him if he didn’t get his act together.

So Bill went to see his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it just before going to bed.

Bill did this, and slept very well and actually beat the alarm clock by two hours. So he fixed himself a nice breakfast and drove happily to work, in plenty of time for the start of the work day.

When he got there, he said, “Boss, that pill the doctor gave me actually worked!”

His boss said, “That’s all very well, but where were you yesterday?”

I used to be a banker but I lost interest.

My friend is trying to convince me to invest in his sword making business.

He makes some very good points.

I used to own a donut making company, but I got fed up of the hole business.

A new small business was opening and one of the owner’s friends arranged for flowers to be sent to mark the occasion and wish the owner luck.

The flowers duly arrived at the new business site and the business owner read the accompanying card to find it said, “Rest in Peace”.

The business owner rang his friend and told him what the card read. The friend was angry and called the florist to complain.

After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist said, “Sir, I’m really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry you should consider this… somewhere there’s a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, ‘Congratulations on your new location.'”

My boss asked me to make a presentation and said I should start it with a joke. So I put my payslip on the first slide.

I’m thinking of starting my own business as a watchmaker.

That way I can set my own hours.

If a tree falls in the forest and no-one hears it…

Then my illegal logging business is a success.

I got fired from the orange juice factory because I couldn’t concentrate.

I travel around the country giving seminars on the beneficial features of dried grapes.

I’m in the business of raisin awareness.

I used to be a blackjack host but I got offered a better deal.

I had to fire my acupunturist. It turned out they were a back-stabber.

A very successful businessman went to visit his new son-in-law.

He said to him, “I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family. To show you how much we care for you, I’m making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn how everything works.”

The son-in-law said, “That’s very kind of you but I hate factories. I can’t stand the noise.”

“Oh, I see,” said the father-in-law. “In that case, you can work in the office and take charge of some of the operations there.”

“That’s very kind of you but I hate office work too,” said the son-on-law. “I can’t stand being stuck behind a desk in an office all day, every day.”

“Wait a minute,” said the father-in-law who was getting a little annoyed now. “I just made you half-owner of a huge money-making organization, but you don’t like factories and you won’t work in a office. What am I going to do with you?”

“Easy,” said the young man. “Buy me out.”

I used to own a paper business but it folded.

My bakery business failed because I didn’t make enough dough.

I used to be a train driver but I got side-tracked.

My local Indian restaurant has an interesting business model.

It’s a naan-profit.

I used to be a butler but I found the work wasn’t really my cup of tea.

My friend started a business exporting artificial limbs to hospitals in foreign countries.

He’s an international arms dealer.

My dad just got back from a business trip to Alaska.

I asked him how the trip was.

He said, “Oh, Juneau.”

I used to be a shoe salesman until they gave me the boot.

Who is the best at minding their own business?

An entrepreneur.

Did you guys hear the sad news about the calzone business?

It folded.

I’m thinking of getting into the photography business.

There have been a lot of new developments in that area.

More Work & Business Puns & Jokes

If you enjoyed our collection of funny business jokes, be sure to check out the rest of LaffGaff for lots more funny jokes including all our other work jokes such as these:

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