Boss Jokes

You’re in good company if you find these boss jokes and puns funny! You certainly won’t want to delegate the work of telling them because anyone who fails to laugh must be office rocker!

Header image for a page of funny boss jokes and puns.

Funny Boss Jokes And Puns

Boss: “How good are you at PowerPoint?”

Me: “I Excel at it.”

Boss: “Was that a Microsoft Office pun?”

Me: “Word”.

My boss said to me, “You’re the worst train driver I’ve ever seen. How many have you derailed this week?”

I said, “Honestly sir, I don’t know. It’s hard for me to keep track.”

My boss is threatening to fire the employee with the worst posture.

I have a hunch it might be me.

My boss hates when I shorten his name to Dick.

Especially because his name’s Steve.

My boss told me as a security guard it’s my job to watch the office.

I’m on season 6 so far, but I’m still not sure what it has got to do with security.

I called work this morning and whispered, “Sorry boss, I can’t come in today. I have a wee cough.”

He exclaimed, “You have a wee cough!?”

I said, “Really?! Thanks boss, see you next week!”

“Boss, can I have a week off around Christmas?”

Boss: It’s May.

“Sorry. May I have a week off around Christmas?”

My boss said my math skills are average.

That’s just mean.

After a long argument with my boss, I quit my job at the helium factory.

I refuse to be spoken to in that tone of voice.

I told my boss 3 other companies were after me and I need a pay rise.

He said, “Which ones?”

I said, “Gas, electric and water.”

I told my boss that I was tired of being a human cannonball.

Then he fired me.

I took Uber yesterday.

The driver said, “I love my job. I’m my own boss. No one tells me what to do.”

I said, “Take the next left.”

My boss said, “You can have a week off if you want to.”

I replied, “And can I have two weeks off if I want three?”

I gave my boss some maracas for Christmas.

He kept talking about how he wants to shake things up.

My coworker said to me, “If the boss doesn’t take back what he said to me, I’m leaving the company.”

I asked, “What did he say?”

“Leave the company.”

Got some bubble wrap delivered to work yesterday.

The boss said, “Pop it in the corner.”

Took me five hours!

My boss accused me of stealing, and fired me from my job at the furniture store.

But I regret nothing.

Sometimes you have to take a stand.

I got fired from my job at the coffee factory.

My boss said it was because I had no filter.

My boss told me to attach two pieces of wood together.

Totally nailed it.

Me: Can I leave work early?

Boss: Only if you make up the time.

Me: Ok, 45 past 60.

They say dress for the job you want, not the job you have.

My boss still didn’t think a spacesuit was “appropriate work attire”.

My boss told me to have a good day.

So I went home.

I called my boss this morning.

“I won’t be coming in today,” I said. “My legs aren’t working properly.”

“What kind of excuse is that?” He asked.

I replied, “A lame excuse.”

Told my boss I would leave my job because they weren’t giving me sufficient training.

“Well, you know where the door is,” he said.

I said, “Actually no, I don’t.”

My boss fired me for cracking too many Asian jokes.

It ended my Korea.

My new boss told me that he expects me to be on call 24/7.

But I don’t really mind as the 24th of July is ages away.

Harry Potter could be a great Mafia boss.

He always catches the snitch.

At the office barbecue, I grilled a medium rare steak and my boss said, “I like it well done!”

I said, “Thanks. That means a lot to me.”

“There is no ‘I’ in team”, my boss said.

“No, but there is a ‘me’, I replied.”

Anyway, I need a new job.

My new boss asked if I could perform under pressure.

I said, “No, but I can do a great Bohemian Rhapsody”

My boss doesn’t tolerate any beards or mustaches.

He’s a real shave driver.

The decorator got wallpaper on himself instead of the wall.

His boss tore a strip off him.

The cop wanted to retire from his job as a traffic officer.

His boss gave him the green light.

I work for a window cleaning firm.

My boss often does spot checks.

Did you hear about the guy who fell in a vat of gum at the bubblegum factory?

His boss chewed him out.

What did the computer programmer talk to his boss about?


More Funny Jokes

If you enjoyed our funny boss jokes and puns, check out the rest of our funny work jokes too, including these:

Leave a Comment