Accounting Jokes

There’s no accounting for taste but on balance we’re sure everyone will love these funny accounting jokes that sum up the accountancy profession!

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Funny Accounting Jokes & Puns

In college, I double-majored in accounting and dentistry.

Now I can crunch numbers AND numb crunchers.

Why did the accountant join a cult?

Because he found their compound interesting.

Why did the accountant dump his girlfriend?

He lost interest.

An accountant was under review at his firm.

He was asked the value of a dozen dozens, to which he promptly replied “132”, instead of 144.

He was fired for gross misrepresentation.

Did you hear about the constipated accountant?

He worked it out with a pencil.

My job as an accountant for a large restaurant is very important.

I have to make sure the books aren’t cooked.

Did you hear about the accountant who hated negative numbers?

He would stop at nothing to avoid them.

I know an accountant who is always tired.

His job is very taxing.

My son said he wants to be an accountant when he grows up.

I warned him it’s accrual, accrual world.

I got a job as an accountant for a large coffee company.

I guess you could say I’m a bean counter.

Just saw an advert in the local newspaper which read: “Accountant Needed: $55,000 – $60,000”.

So I rang them and said, “The answer is -$5,000”.

Welcome to the accounting department…

Where everybody counts.

I enjoy my accountancy job, figuratively speaking.

What do you call a Slavic government’s accounting department?

Czechs and balances.

Four professionals are interviewing for a math-intensive position in a company

The shortlist of applicants includes a mathematician, a physicist, an engineer, and an accountant.

To begin each interview, the representative from HR poses a simple math problem to warm up the candidates: “What is 45+18?”

The mathematician immediately responds “63”.

The physicist responds “63, plus or minus 5%”.

The engineer thinks for a moment and responds “63, but for safety, let’s call it 70”.

The accountant shuts the door, checks over his shoulder, leans in close to the desk, and whispers “How much do you want it to be?”

The linen shop gave their employees free bedding.

Even their accountant had his own handmade spread sheet.

Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference.

At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.

”How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?” asks an accountant.

”Watch and you’ll see,” answers an engineer. All of them board the train.

The accountants take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them.

Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, “Ticket, please.”

The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

The accountants saw this and agreed it was a clever idea.

So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money.

When they get to the station they buy a single ticket for the return trip.

To their astonishment, the engineers don’t buy a ticket at all.

”How are you going to travel without a ticket?” says one perplexed accountant.

”Watch and you’ll see,” answers an engineer.

When they board the train the three accountants cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby.

The train departs. Shortly afterwards, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding.

He knocks on the door and says, “Ticket, please.”

Have you heard they’ve banned accounting in Afghanistan?

Apparently there’s a tally ban.

A priest, a lawyer, and an accountant were all at the bedside of a very ill man. The man said to them,

“Gentlemen, I’m dying. Before I go, however, I want to ask you one final favor: My family is rotten and I don’t want to give any of them an inheritance. I would like to be buried with the remainder of my money.”

He then hands the priest, the lawyer, and the accountant three envelopes that contain $100,000 each.

“While my coffin is being lowered into the earth, please throw each of the envelopes in. Don’t tell anyone what’s inside the envelopes.”

So the three men leave. Sure enough, one week later, the man dies. During the funeral, the three men toss the envelopes into the grave whilst the coffin was being lowered. After the funeral, the three men go to a cafe to discuss the life of the old man.

The priest says, “I have a confession: I took $10,000 from my envelope. But I used it to fix up the children’s home. The old man was always very generous and loved the children. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind seeing where his money went.”

The lawyer pipes in, “Well, I also have a confession: I took $30,000 as payment of a personal loan he borrowed from me years ago.”

The accountant, looking rather shocked, says, “I cannot believe you two! I wrote a personal check that covered the whole thing!”

Old accountants don’t die.

They just lose their balance.

Jokes About Accounting

If you enjoyed these funny accounting jokes, be sure to take a look around LaffGaff for lots more funny jokes, such as our work jokes and our math jokes, as well as these:

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