Statistics Jokes And Puns

Statistically speaking, these are the funniest statistics jokes you’ll read on this page! And because of that it would be mean of us not to bring you them!

Header image for a page of funny statistics jokes and puns.

Funny Statistics Jokes

Statistics say that 1 out of 3 people in a relationship is unfaithful.

I just need to work out if that’s my wife or my girlfriend.

Statistics show that six out of seven dwarves aren’t happy.

I’ve spent today analysing some statistics about how drunk people walk.

They’re just staggering.

Statistics show that 47% of people are pedantic.

Well, 46.8%.

I’ll do algebra, I’ll do trigonometry, I’ll even do statistics…

But graphing is where I draw the line.

My statistics professor told me I was average.

I told her, “That’s mean.”

If statistics state that 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea…

Does that mean 1 enjoys it?

Statistics are like bikinis.

What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital.

Statistics say there’s a gay guy in every group of friends. I think it’s Tim.

He’s so cute.

The median and the mode walked into a bar.

The bartender asks, “Where’s your other friend?”

The median says, “We don’t like him anymore. He’s mean.”

Why is studying statistics hard to do in Afghanistan?

Because of the tally-ban.

I don’t understand statistics like mean, mode and median

Is that normal?

At his 103rd birthday party, my grandfather was asked if he thought that he’d be around for his 104th.

“I certainly do,” he replied. “Statistics show that very few people die between the ages of 103 and 104.”

Statistics say that 60% of women take medication for mental illness.

Which means 40% aren’t taking their medication.

My next joke is called heart disease.

Statistically 2/3 of you won’t get it.

Statistics show that someone gets stabbed every 52 seconds in London.

Poor guy.

A politician uses statistics like a drunk uses a street light.

For support, rather than illumination.

A new study shows that birthdays are good for your health.

Statistics show that people who have more birthdays, live the longest.

Can somebody tell me how statistics are done?

Mathematician: By all means.

If you’re ever losing an argument, randomly quote a statistic.

People will believe you 80% of the time.

Why are two medians in a single data set funny?

Because it’s a co-median.

In statistics, a larger sample size results in more reliable averages.

The Ns justify the means.

Why are men statistically more likely to drown than women?

Because women are boyn’t.

According to statistics, 80% of all fatal plane crashes happen in the first 3 or last 8 minutes of the flight.

But according to even more precise statistics, 100% of all fatal plane crashes happen within the last 0.1 seconds of the fight.

I got a paper cut from my statistics homework.

What are the odds?

It doesn’t make sense that you’re statistically more likely to die when you’re old.

The older you are, the more experience you have not dying,

Statistics show that vegetarians live on average ten years longer than meat eaters.

Ten long miserable years.

Statistically, if you take the entire population of the US and cut them in half…

They’ll die.

Three statisticians go deer hunting.

After some time passes, they come upon a buck.

The first shoots at it and misses by 30 yards to the right.

The second takes a shot and misses by 30 yards to the left.

The third jumps up and yells, “We got him! We got him!“

It has been shown that cows raised in Mexico are statistically happier on average than cows raised in other countries.

They’ve been reported as feeling “Mooey bien”.

Statistics say that R2-D2 is the most vulgar movie character ever.

They beeped out everything he said.

Old statistics teachers never die.

They just get mean.

Jokes About Statistics

If you found these hilarious jokes about statistics to be above average, check out the rest of LaffGaff for lots more funny jokes such as these:

More Math Fun

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