They say only two things are certain in life: death and taxes. Well, that’s not quite true because it’s also certain you’ll laugh at these funny tax jokes and puns! Relax and enjoy them – they’re not taxing at all!
Funny Tax Jokes & Puns
Why are Sherlock Holmes’ taxes so low?
He’s a master of deduction.
You can tell Monopoly is an old game.
Because there’s a luxury tax and rich people can go to jail.
My friend told me to stop filing taxes and go watch anime with him.
But this isn’t even my final form.
What kind of insect helps people with their taxes?
An accountant.
The government denied tax exemption for my church that believes Jesus spoke with a lisp.
It was a real slap in the faith.
I tried to pay my taxes to the IRS with a smile.
Turns out they prefer money.
I heard the atheists are trying to get tax exempt status now.
They are a non-prophet organization.
How do crabs evade taxes?
They set up shell corporations.
I saw a lady in tears at the store.
She said she had lost an envelope with her tax refund inside.
I gave her 100$ because I felt sorry for her.
Plus I had just found about $1,600 in the parking lot.
What’s the difference between Al Capone and Anakin Skywalker driving an Uber?
One is a tax evader, the other is a taxi Vader.
IKEA has been accused of evading over $500 million in taxes.
Apparently, prosecutors have been after them for years.
But they’re having a really hard time putting their case together.
Is it fair to say that the idea of taxes is tariffying?
A man took out a lemon in a crowd of people and squeezed it dry.
He said, “If anyone can squeeze a drop out of this lemon, I’ll give them 100 bucks.”
Many people tried and no one could get any juice out of the lemon.
Finally, a man came up and squeezed out two drops of lemon juice.
Handing him his $100, the first man asked in wonder, “Who are you?”
The second man replied, “Income tax officer.”
Can I claim my Indian bread company as a charity tax deduction?
It’s a naan profit organization.
There’s so much tax evasion in America.
It’s almost like the country was founded on it or something.
Why did the IRS change their logo to a dolphin?
For tax porpoises.
Why don’t programers pay tax to the Devil?
Because that would be a sin-tax issue.
Why are IRS employees always tired when they get home?
Because their jobs are taxing.
The IRS tax agents decide to audit an elderly man, and summon him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when the old man showed up with his attorney.
The auditor said, “Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I’m not sure the IRS finds that believable.”
“I’m a great gambler, and I can prove it,” says the elderly guy. “How about a demonstration?”
The auditor thinks for a moment and says, “Okay. Go ahead.”
The old guy says,”‘I’ll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.”
The auditor thinks a moment and says, “It’s a bet.”
The elderly guy removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor’s jaw drops. The old guy then says, “Now, I’ll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.”
The auditor can tell he isn’t blind, so he takes the bet. The elderly guy removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with his attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
“Want to go double or nothing?” the elderly person asks. “I’ll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.”
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there’s no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
The old guy stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can’t make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor’s desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But the elderly guy’s attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.
“Are you okay?” the auditor asks.
“Not really,” says the attorney. “This morning, when he told me he’d been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you’d be happy about it.”
A programmer is working on the software for a cash register computer at a convenience store. He finally thinks he got it done and tests a few items.
He scans a gallon of milk:
$2.50
Perfect. How about this bag of beef jerky?
$4.99
Excellent. 20 oz soda?
$1.59
Perfect. How about this box of cigarettes?
ERROR
Huh? Maybe try this can of snuff?
ERROR
Darn.
So he looks through the code again, making sure he checked every parenthesis and spelled every function correctly. He checks. Double checks. Triple checks. Finally, he sees the problem.
It was a sin tax error.
IRS Auditor: For your tax return, you just wrote down, “Money for Nothing, Checks for Free?”
Me: Am I in trouble?
Auditor: Yes. In Dire Straits.
More Funny Jokes
If you enjoyed our tax jokes, you’re sure to like these other funny jokes:
