Bank Jokes

If you’re feeling a loan, check out these funny bank jokes and puns – you could never lose interest in them! Just be careful you don’t suffer withdrawal symptoms afterwards.

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Funny Bank Jokes & Puns

A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and screams, “Give me all your money or you’re geography!”

The teller replies, “Don’t you mean history?”

The robber says, “Don’t change the subject!”

Give a man a gun and he’ll rob a bank,

Give a man a bank and he’ll rob the world.

I lost my job at the bank my very first day.

A woman asked me to check her balance so I pushed her over.

A robber pulled a gun on the bank clerk and manager saying, “Give me all the money! I need it to set myself up in a trade or profession. You know, initial investment is needed to cover the overheads until my cash flow is established.”

The bank manager said to the clerk, “You’d better do what he says, I think he means business.”

If you have no interest in banking…

You are not a loan.

A naked woman robbed a bank.

Nobody could remember her face.

People who rob jewelry stores and banks are pretty bad.

But people who rob bakeries really take the cake.

My dad always said to me, “Work until your bank account looks like a phone number” so I did.

Account balance: $9.11.

Where do fishes keep their money?

In the river banks.

If money doesn’t grow on trees, then why do banks have branches?

The bank must really like me.

They keep telling me that my loan is outstanding!

What’s the hardest part about being addicted to banking?

The withdrawals.

Everyone in my family was a police officer, except for my grandad, who was a bank robber.

He died last week.

Surrounded by his family.

I walked into a bank, pointed a long, thin piece of wood at the ceiling and shouted…

“This is a stick up!”

Bank robbery is a safe job.

My bank recently called me to let me know I had an outstanding balance.

I replied “Thank you, I used to do gymnastics,” and hung up the phone.

That was nice of them to say.

A basketball player and a jockey just robbed the bank.

Police are looking high and low for the culprits.

What did the recluse say to the bank teller when he needed money?

“Leave me a loan.”

I used to have an account with a bank at the North Pole.

They froze all my assets.

A young man robbed a bank wearing a suit made of many mirrors.

But he turned himself in after taking some time to reflect.

Luckily the judge was lenient, as he saw a lot of himself in the young man.

I looked at my bank account and found I could live the rest of my life comfortably without working.

As long as I die on Thursday.

Why did the tightrope walker go to the bank?

To check his balance.

I was gonna do a bank joke…

But I lost interest.

What did the tree do when the bank closed?

Started its own branch.

If money talks, why do we need bank tellers?

I went to get tornado insurance for my camp site, but the bank refused.

They said, “If your tent gets blown away, you won’t be covered.”

What starts with 0 and end with 0?

My bank account.

Why did the bank owner buy cows?

To beef up security.

Why are Irish bankers so successful?

Because their capital’s always Dublin.

What did the nut say when it held up the bank?

“Give me all the cashew have!”

I got an email that said, “You have won $35,148,216. To complete the transaction we will need your bank details.”

“Certainly,” I replied. “It’s a big building with money inside.”

My uncle always told me he had a fortune in a safe deposit box.

He left me the key in his will.

I went to the bank, trembling with anticipation, got access to the box, took it into the private viewing room.

I opened the box and looked in, there was an envelope in side, when I opened it, a folded piece of paper fell out.

I read it, and it said: “Good things are ahead for you. Your lucky numbers are 6, 10 and 13.”

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