Boyfriend Jokes And Puns

Make a date with these funny boyfriend jokes and puns; they’re sure to sweep you off your feet! In fact, you’re guaranteed to fall in love with them!

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Funny Boyfriend Jokes

I met my boyfriend while visiting the zoo.

There he was, in his uniform.

Straightaway I knew he was a keeper.

Ladies, if your boyfriend asks for matador equipment for Christmas…

It’s a big red flag.

My daughter’s new boyfriend introduced himself to me, saying, “Hi sir, I’m David, nice to meet you.”

He put out his hand and I said, “David, are you nervous?”

He said no so I grabbed his hand looked him in the eyes and said, “Then why are you shaking?”

I’m tired of all these forced gender neutral terms.

The girl I’m going out with insists on calling me just friend instead of boyfriend.

I told my boyfriend, “I know a guy with a small willy who sounds like an owl.”

He asked, “Who?”

What do you do if your boyfriend hates fruit jokes?

You let the man-go.

My teenage daughter came home from school and she was blazing mad.

“We had sex education today, dad and you lied to me! You told me if I have sex before my sixteenth birthday, my boyfriend will die!”

I put down my newspaper, looked at her and said, “Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will.”

My wife yelled, “Hey, the sun’s coming out!”

So I wore my shorts and flip flops and came downstairs.

Found my son holding hands with his boyfriend.

My boyfriend is getting tired of my constant wordplay jokes, so I asked him how I could stop my addiction.

He said, “Whatever means necessary.”

I answered, “No it doesn’t.”

My boyfriend was dying.

I was by his bedside when he said something with a weak voice: “There’s something I must confess.”

“Shhh,” I said. “There’s nothing to confess. Everything is alright.”

“No, I must die in peace,” he said, “I had affairs with your sister, your best friend and your co-worker.”

“I know,” I whispered, “That’s why I poisoned you… Now close your eyes.”

My boyfriend just broke up with me for talking about video games too much.

What a stupid thing to Fallout 4.

I told my boyfriend that I got an expensive haircut, but they left my bangs too long.

He replied, “Too much bang for your buck?”

A woman takes a pregnancy test and looks at the result.

Mortified, she looks her boyfriend dead in the eyes, and says…

“Your kid in me.”

My boyfriend asked me if I wanted a threesome which of his friends I’d choose.

I probably shouldn’t have named two.

I broke up with my boyfriend because I realised he’s a communist.

Now that I look back, there were a lot of red flags.

My boyfriend keeps having disturbed dreams, shouting things like “Hobbit!”, “Gandalf!”, and “Mordor!”

Always Tolkien in his sleep.

Boyfriend: I’ve come to ask for your daughter’s hand in marriage.

Dad: You’ve got to take all of her or it’s no deal.

A girl saw her boyfriend flirting with other girls at the gym.

She walked up to him and said, “This isn’t working out.”

What did the authorities do when Barbie’s boyfriend was involved in a serious car accident?

They contacted his next of Ken.

A bartender broke up with her boyfriend.

But he kept asking her for another shot.

My daughter brought her boyfriend over the over day when all of a sudden, a pair of goalie gloves fell out of his bag.

It was this moment that I knew.

He’s a keeper.

Whenever my artist boyfriend is sad I let him draw things on my body.

I give him a shoulder to crayon.

My Mexican boyfriend just broke up with me.

Now he’s the Juan that got away.

My boyfriend told me that if I make one more pun I’m in trouble.

Guess I’m in for some punishment.

My boyfriend asked me why I never blinked during foreplay.

I said I didn’t have time.

My boyfriend infected me with a cold…

He sickens me.

I asked my daughter why her electrician boyfriend didn’t show up for their date.

No shock: He was grounded.

I had to break up with my boyfriend after he lost his feet in an accident.

Because I’m lack-toes intolerant.

I feel sorry for girls in wheelchairs.

Their boyfriends are always pushing them around and talking behind their backs.

My boyfriend is upset that I have no sense of direction.

So I packed up my stuff and right.

One day I’ll pretend to be gay.

I’ll make lots of female friends, gain their trust. Become their confidant, and when they least expected… BAAM!!!

I’ll sleep with their boyfriends.

My boyfriend gave me a ring on Valentine’s Day.

And he reached my voicemail.

My boyfriend keeps talking about overthrowing capitalism in a violent revolution.

Could this be a red flag?

Yesterday a friend called and asked if I could loan her $500 to help her pay her rent.

I wanted to be helpful to someone in such need.

I told her, “Let me check my account and I’ll call you right back.”

Before I could double check, her sister called and said, “Don’t give her any money because she’s lying.”

Her sister told me that she wanted to use the $500 to get her boyfriend out of jail so they can be together for her birthday.

I thought about it for a minute, then decided to go ahead and give her the $500.

A few minutes ago, she called me from the local jail, crying about being arrested.

She started screaming, asking, “Why did you give me counterfeit money?!”

I replied, “So you and your man could be together for your birthday.”

A woman promises to teach her boyfriend what 69ing is.

He lies down on the floor and she squats down over his face to assume the position and farts.

Embarrassed she stands up and apologises.

She squats down for another go but farts again, she gets up and apologises again.

Before she can have a third go, her boyfriend gets up and goes to walk out saying, “Yeah this isn’t really for me, I’m not having 67 more of those in my face.”

A girl goes into the doctor’s office for a checkup.

As she takes off her blouse, the doctor notices a red ‘H’ on her chest.

“How did you get that mark on your chest?” asks the doctor.

“Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he’s so proud of it he never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we make love,” she replies.

A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a blue ‘Y’ on her chest.

“How did you get that mark on your chest?” asks the doctor.

“Oh, my boyfriend went to Yale and he’s so proud of it that he never takes off his Yale sweatshirt, even when we make love,” she replies.

A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a green ‘M’ on her chest.

“Do you have a boyfriend at Michigan?” asks the doctor.

“No, but I have a girlfriend at Wisconsin, Why do you ask?”

I met this girl the other day and she took me back to her house where things got hot and heavy very quickly.

I bent her over the kitchen table and started going at it when suddenly we heard the front door open.

“Oh no, it’s my boyfriend!” she exclaimed. “Quick, use the backdoor!”

Now it’s at about this time I probably should have left but you just don’t get an offer like that every day.

Daughter: Mom, I have a new boyfriend, our neighbor Joe.

Mom: But he could be your father!

Daughter: Age is not that important to me.

Mom: That’s not what I was talking about.

My boyfriend bought me a diamond ring

The stone was cut in the shape of a four leaf clover.

I wore it all the time to show how much it meant to me.

One day, I got curious and had it valued at a jeweller’s.

Unfortunately they told me that my boyfriend had been swindled, as the diamond was actually a cubic zirconia.

It was a sham rock.

My daughters boyfriend still doesn’t know how to tie his shoes.

Every time I walk in her room that’s all she’s doing.

A boy goes up to a girl and says, “Hey baby what’s up?”

She says, “I have a boyfriend.”

He says, “I have a math test.”

The girl asks, “What’s that got to do with anything?”

He replies, “I thought we were just naming things we are going to cheat on.”

Jokes About Boyfriends

If you enjoyed these puns and jokes about boyfriends, be sure to check out the rest of LaffGaff for lots more funny jokes, such as these:

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