Dating Jokes

Make a date with these funny dating jokes and puns! It’ll be love at first sight when you see them because they’re definitely keepers!

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Funny Dating Jokes And Puns

I asked my date to meet me at the gym, but she never showed up.

I guess the two of us aren’t going to work out.

I dated a communist once.

I had no idea. She seemed sweet.

But it did NOT end well.

Honestly I should have noticed all the red flags.

My son wanted some dating advice, so I told him, “If you are intimidated by a date, remember one thing.”

They are just big raisins.

My wife first agreed to a date after I gave her a bottle of tonic water.

I Schwepped her off her feet.

I dated a one legged girl who worked at a brewery.

She was in charge of the hops.

Two windmills were on a date.

One said to the other, “What type of music do you like?”

The other responded, “I’m a huge metal fan.”

If you were dating an FBI agent and you broke up…

He would be your Fed ex.

Not to brag, but I already have a date for Valentines Day.

February 14th.

New dating service launched in Prague!

It’s called Czech-Mate.

I used to date a girl who was lactose intolerant.

We broke up because she couldn’t stomach my cheesy jokes.

My dad told me I should never date a tennis player.

Because love means nothing to them.

I went out with on a date with a girl I haven’t seen in a few weeks and since then I have started growing a beard.

When I saw her she said she wasn’t too keen on the beard.

I said, “Yeah I wasn’t crazy about it at first either, but it grew on me.”

What’s the difference between dates and prunes?

You can’t take a girl on a prune.

I went on date with a girl with a lazy eye once.

I got up and left because she was seeing someone else.

I’ve been on three dates with a woman who works in a zoo.

I think she’s a keeper.

My mate set me up on a blind date and he said, “I’d better warn you, she’s expecting a baby.”

I felt like such an idiot sitting in the bar wearing just a nappy.

When I heard that oxygen and magnesium were dating…

I was like OMg.

My girlfriend dated a clown right before she met me.

I’ve got some big shoes to fill.

You shouldn’t kiss anyone on January 1st because it’s only the first date.

My wife asked me, “Why don’t you treat me like you did when we were first dating!?”

So I took her to dinner and a movie then dropped her off at her parents’ house.

You know the biggest problem with dating apps?

Too many booby traps.

I went on a date with a woman. Things were going perfectly.

She said, “This is the best date I’ve ever had.”

“Me too,” I replied.

She said, “Pinch my arm to make sure that it’s real.”

So I pinched it and said, “Yes, that is definitely an arm.”

What’s a pirate’s greatest fear on the first date?

A sunken chest with no booty.

My date asked me if I had ever been abroad.

I said, “No, I’ve been a man since birth.”

I once dated a girl that collected magazines.

But she had too many issues.

Why didn’t I have a New Year’s kiss?

I don’t kiss on the first date.

I once dated a twin.

My friend asked me how I told them apart.

I said Stacy has a beauty mark on her right cheek.

And Frank has a beard.

I’ve just started up a dating site for chickens.

It’s not my normal day job, I’m just doing it to make hens meet.

A crush hinted that I should bring flowers to our date.

I said, “I’ll make arrangements.”

My wife emailed me the pictures of our first date together, but I couldn’t open any of the files.

I have serious emotional attachment issues.

I was on a date with a woman who said, “I am a big country fan.”

Me trying to sound intelligent: “Well, China is 3.7 million square miles.”

I have no problem getting dates online.

I also have great luck with pistachios, cashews and almonds.

A girl I’m dating owns a bakery and works long hours.

I don’t think it’s going to work out.

She’s too kneady.

More Funny Jokes

If you enjoyed these funny dating jokes, be sure to check out the rest of LaffGaff for lots more funny jokes and laughs such as these:

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