Anniversary Jokes

Anniversaries are a special time filled with love and laughter, remembering great times, and it’s important that we celebrate them. Celebrate with laughter with these funny anniversary jokes!

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Funny Anniversary Jokes

My battery died when I was recording my wife giving a toast at her parents’ 50th wedding anniversary.

Now I’m never going to hear the end of it.

My wife asked for something shiny that goes from 0 – 200 in five seconds or less for our anniversary.

I bought her a scale.

We’re still not speaking.

My family just celebrated the 200th anniversary of owning a buffalo farm.

That’s right, it’s our bison-tennial.

I bought my girlfriend a fridge for our anniversary.

I know it wasn’t a great gift, but I loved seeing her face light up when she opened it.

For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a small picture of me inside a pistachio.

But that’s just me in a nutshell.

I asked my wife if she’d like a new Diamond Ring to celebrate our anniversary.

“Nothing would make me happier!” She replied.

So I got her nothing.

How do you remember your wedding anniversary?

Forget it once.

It’s our wedding anniversary today. My wife and I have been happily married for two years now.

1995 and 2009.

Our anniversary is coming up, so my wife told me that she would be happy as long as I get her something with a lot of diamonds in it.

She’s going to love this pack of playing cards.

I bought my wife a stripper pole for our anniversary and installed it in our bedroom.

Whenever I ask her if she likes it, she just dances around the subject.

I asked my wife to cook me a Japanese meal for our anniversary

Sushi did.

For their 50th anniversary, my parents went on vacation, but unfortunately, my Dad got really ill.

When they got back, I asked, “Dad, what made you so sick in Hawaii?”

He said, “Poi, son.”

Why am I excited for my wedding anniversary trip?

It’s going to be a trip of a wifetime.

Happy anniversary to the love of my life.

And her husband Bill.

My buddy said, “It’s me and my wife’s tenth wedding anniversary next weekend, so I thought we could go somewhere really nice together.”

I replied, “Sounds good to me! What’re you going to tell your wife though?”

My girlfriend is in a band, and for our anniversary I bought her a new drum kit.

It was a cymbal of my love.

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in bed.

She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.

She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of hot cocoa in front of him.

He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

She watches as he wipes away a tear from his eye.

“What’s the matter, dear?” she whispers as she steps into the room, “Why are you down here at this time of night?”

The husband looks up from his drink, “It’s the 20th anniversary of the day we met.”

She can’t believe he has remembered and starts to tear up.

The husband continues, “Do you remember 20 years ago when we started dating? I was 18 and you were only 15,” he said solemnly.

Once again, the wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive.

“Yes, I do” she replies softly.

The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily. “Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?”

“Yes, I remember” said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continued. “Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, Either you marry my daughter or I will make sure you spend the next 20 years in prison?”

“I remember that, too” she replied tenderly.

He sighed as he wiped another tear away from his cheek and said, “I would have gotten out today.”

A priest celebrates his 25th anniversary as head of a small congregation in a small village in rural America.

The mayor was supposed to hold a speech at the beginning, but as always he had more important matters at hand and was late to show up.

So the priest started with his speech: “I know how disturbed I was 25 years ago when I came to this village. The first man to confess, I will not name him, told me that he cheated on his wife and had 5 children with his lover…’

As the priest came to an end, the mayor finally arrived and started his speech: “I still know I had the honour to be the first one to confess to Father Anderson.”

A married woman had a dream on the night before her anniversary. She dreamed that her husband bought her a gift box.

Inside that box was another box.

Inside that box was another box.

Inside that box was another box.

And inside the fourth box was a glistening diamond ring.

When she woke up, she told her husband about the dream, wondering what it entailed and if she was foreseeing the future.

That night her husband bought her a gift box.

Inside that box was another box.

Inside that box was another box.

Inside that box was another box.

And inside the fourth box was a book entitled “How To Interpret Dreams”.

At St. Peter’s Catholic Church in Toronto, they have weekly husbands’ marriage seminars.

At the session last week, the priest asked Giuseppe, who said he was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.

Giuseppe replied to the assembled husbands, “Wella, I’va tried to treat her nicea, spenda da money on her, but besta of all is, I tooka her to Italy for the 25th anniversary!”

The priest responded, “Giuseppe, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary?”

Giuseppe proudly replied, “I gonna go picka her up.”

A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary.

The old man leans forward and says softly to his wife, “Dear, there is something that I must ask you. It has always bothered me that our tenth child never quite looked like the rest of our children. Now I want to assure you that these 75 years have been the most wonderful experience I could have ever hoped for, and your answer cannot take that all that away. But, I must know, did he have a different father?”

The wife drops her head, unable to look her husband in the eye, she paused for a moment and then confessed, “Yes. Yes he did.”

The old man is very shaken, the reality of what his wife was admitting hit him harder than he had expected. With a tear in his eye, he asks “Who? Who was he? Who was the father?”

Again the old woman drops her head, saying nothing at first as she tried to muster the courage, to tell the truth to her husband.

Then, finally, she says, “You.”

A man walks into a bar looking depressed.

The bartender says, “You look like you need a drink. What’s wrong?”

The man repliest that it’s his 50th wedding anniversary.

He goes on to explain that when he was a teenager he got his girlfriend pregnant, adding, “And to make it worse her father was a judge and told me if I didn’t marry his daughter I would go to jail for 50 years!”

“Today I could be a free man!”

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