Funny pick up lines are always handy because you never know when you’re going to meet the person of your dreams. And you may only get that one chance to make your mark.
For this reason, it’s a good idea to always have ready some really good pick up lines that work. So to help you out, we’ve gathered together the best examples ever ready for use on Valentine’s Day, or any other day for that matter.
These hilariously cringey pick up lines are guaranteed to work – well to have some sort of effect anyway.
95 Of The Funniest Pick Up Lines Ever
Your name must be Coca Cola, because you’re soda-licious.
You’re hotter than the bottom of my laptop.
If you were a chicken, you’d be impeccable.
I would flirt with you, but I’d rather seduce you with my awkwardness.
I have amnesia, do I come here often?
I’m not a photographer, but I can picture us together.
I don’t need Twitter, I’m already following you.
Do you know the essential difference between sex and conversation? (No.) Do you wanna go upstairs and talk?
Do you sleep on your stomach? If not, can I?
Somebody call the cops. It’s got to be illegal to look that good.
I’ve had such an off week but seeing you just turns me on.
Your body is a wonderland and I want to be Alice.
I’m going to kiss you now. Say “Kiss me” now if you want me to stop.
Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
Your lips look lonely. Let me introduce them to mine.
Is there a mirror in your pants…? I think I can see myself in them..
Hi, I’m doing a survey …What’s your name? What’s your phone number? Are you free next Saturday?
Kiss me if I’m wrong, but dinosaurs do still exist, don’t they?
I’m going to give you a kiss. If you don’t like it, just return it.
I think there’s something wrong with my phone. Could you try calling it for me to see if it rings?
My magical watch says you aren’t wearing any underwear! (I am.) It must be an hour fast.
You must be a keyboard, because you’re just my type.
You’re so hot, if you ate bread you’d poop out toast.
If I had to rate you from 1 to 10, I’d rate you as a 9 because I’m the 1 you’re missing.
What do I have to do to get on your drunk dial list?
You make me wish I wasn’t gay.
Are you accepting applications for your fan club?
If you were a basketball, I’d never shoot because I’d always miss you.
Are you related to Jean-Claude Van Damme?
Because Jean-Claude Van Damme, you’re sexy!
I’m new in town. Can I have the directions to your house please?
My feet are getting cold… because you’ve knocked my socks off.
There’s something wrong with my mobile. It doesn’t have your number in it.
It’s a good job I brought my library card, because I’m checking you out.
I’m not drunk… I’m just intoxicated by you.
I lost my teddy bear. Will you sleep with me instead?
Is your second name Jacobs, because you’re a cracker?
Did you get your licenses suspended for driving all these guys crazy?
If you were a bogey, I would pick you first.
You’re hot, I’m ugly. Let’s make average babies.
Excuse me, but I think I dropped something… my jaw!
Are you wearing space pants?
Because that butt is out of this world.
Was your mother a beaver? Because DAAAAMN girl!
Are you a parking ticket? Because you’ve got FINE written all over you.
I bet you $10 you’re gonna turn me down.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I have a gun, get in the van.
There’s a huge sale going on in my bedroom right now. Clothes are 100% off!
Here I am. Now what are your other two wishes?
Remember me? No? Oh that’s right, I’ve only met you in my dreams.
Hey girl, you’re gonna have to stop eating magnets; you’re making me attracted to you.
Are you religious? Because you’re the answer to all my prayers.
Can I borrow your phone? I need to call God and tell him I’ve found his missing angel.
You must be from Tennessee, because you’re the only ten I see!
Do you know what this shirt is made of? Boyfriend material
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put U and I together.
Are you tired? Because you’ve been running through my mind all day.
Do you know what’s on the menu tonight, girl? Me ‘n’ U!
(Lick finger and wipe on guy/girl’s shirt) Right, let’s get you out of those wet clothes.
Are you a camera? Because every time I look at you I smile.
Do you like sleeping? Hey, me too! Let’s do it together.
Hey, I just noticed you looking at me across the room. I’ll give you a minute to catch your breath.
I wish you were my big toe… Then I would bang you on every piece of furniture at my house.
You must be in the wrong place. The Miss Universe contest is over there.
You’re so hot, you must be the reason for global warming.
I’ve lost my rubber duckie, will you bathe with me instead?
Is your name Google? Because you’re the answer to everything I’m looking for.
You look great and everything, but you know what would really look good on you? Me.
That dress would look great on my bedroom floor.
I’m looking for treasure – can I look around your chest?
Do you want to sit on my lap, and we’ll talk about the first thing that pops up?
Are you an orphanage? Because I wanna give you kids.
Do you want to go and do what I’m going to tell my friends we did anyway?
I’m afraid I was blinded by your beauty. I’m going to need your name and phone number for insurance purposes.
Don’t let me be the one that got away.
Please tell your breasts to stop staring at my eyes.
So what time do you have to be back in heaven?
Let’s flip a coin. Head, I’m yours. Tails, you’re mine.
The word of the day is ‘legs’, let’s go back to my place and spread the word.
If it’s true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning.
I may not be Fred Flintstone but I bet I can make your Bed Rock!
Are you a banana, because I find you so a-peel-ing?
Don’t tell me if you want me to take you out tomorrow. Just smile for yes, or do a back flip for no.
Baby, I’m no weatherman. But you can expect a few inches tonight.
Is your body from McDonald’s? Because I’m loving it.
I noticed you don’t have a penis between your legs. Would you like me to put one there?
I think you’re suffering from a lack of vitamin me.
You have something on your ass… My eyes.
I wish you were a door, then I could bang you all day long.
Your hand looks heavy, would you like me to hold it for you?
On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight?
I’m not actually this tall. I’m sitting on my wallet.
Girl, if you were words on a page, you’d be FINE print.
You’re so sweet you’re giving me a toothache.
Girl, you’re so hot my zipper is falling for you!
More Funny Pick Up Lines
If you enjoyed this collection of funny pick up lines (or if for some unfathomable reason these cringey pick up lines didn’t work to win the girl of your dreams), be sure to try out the rest of our great pick up lines, including these: