Picking up members of the opposite sex is a dirty job but someone’s got to do it! So roll your sleeves up and arm yourselves with some really dirty pick up lines.
Every pick up artist worth their salt likes their funny pick up lines dirty and sexual. But if you don’t have any such lines, worry not – you’re in the right place. Check out this huge collection of the best dirty pick up lines for guys.
Dirty Lines For Guys
I want to melt in your mouth not in your hand.
Your Dad must have been a baker, because you’ve got a nice set of buns.
Smile if you want to have sex with me.
Did you sit in a pile of sugar?
Because you’ve got a pretty sweet butt.
Do you sleep on your stomach?
My couch pulls out but I don’t.
Hi, I’m a burglar and I’m going to smash your back door in.
What’s a nice girl like you doing in a mind like mine?
I want you to be the girl who takes my virginity.
Come and sit on my lap and let’s get things straight between us.
That’s a nice shirt.
Can I talk you out of it?
When I see you, sea levels aren’t the only thing rising.
If I were a squirrel and you were a tree, I’d store my nuts in your hole.
They say your tongue is the strongest muscle in your body.
That’s a beautiful smile, but it’d look even better if it was all you were wearing.
You can call me “The Fireman”.
Because I turn the hoes on.
I find your lack of nudity disturbing.
I’m no weatherman, but you can expect a few inches tonight.
Are you an elevator?
Because I’d like to go down on you.
I think I ought to tell you what people are saying behind your back.
I lost my pants.
Do you mind if I wrap your legs around me instead?
Are you a drill sergeant?
Because you’ve got my privates standing at attention.
Do you work at a butcher’s shop?
‘Cause you’re giving me a T-bone.
You know how they say the skin is the largest organ in the body?
Not in my case.
Do you like cherries?
If not, can I have yours?
I wish you were soap so I could feel you all over me.
You’re so hot even my zipper is falling for you.
It’s true there are plenty more fish in the sea, but you’re the only one I want to catch and mount back at my place.
I’m a businessman.
I work in orifices.
Got any openings?
Girl, your bone structure is giving my bone structure.
You smell like trash.
May I take you out?
Those breasts look very heavy.
Shall I hold them for you?
My bed is broken.
Can I sleep in yours?
Nice legs, let’s eat out.
Girl, I like every bone in your body.
My face is leaving in 15 minutes.
Be on it.
Did you clean your pants with Windex?
‘Cause I can see myself in them.
If I was a robot and you were one too,
If I lost a bolt would you give me a screw?
Let’s play Titanic.
When I shout “Iceberg”, you go down.
Baby I want to wear you like a pair of sunglasses…
One leg over each ear.
I’ve just received government funding for a four hour expedition to find your G spot.
Do you like Krispy Kreme?
Because I’m gonna glaze your donut.
I’m not trying to pressure you.
I don’t want to have sex without mutual consent.
Oh, and by the way, you have my consent.
That dress would look great on my bedroom floor.
Hey baby, will you be my love buffet so I can lay you on the table and take what I want?
What’s my name?
People call me “Bar Stool” because of my third leg.
I’m the finger down your spine when all the lights go out.
You’re so selfish.
You’re going to have that body for the rest of your life, and I only want it for one night.
Girl, you should sell hot dogs because you already know how to make a weiner stand.
Why don’t you sit on my lap and we’ll talk about whatever pops up?
I’m going outside to make out.
Care to join me?
Let’s play house.
You can be the door then I can slam you all I want.
If you were an elevator, what button would I have to push to get you to go down?
I’m scared of getting pregnant, so do you want to go up to my room and help me test all my condoms?
Tonight’s word is “legs”.
Let’s go back to my place and spread the word.
Hey baby, I’m kind of cold.
Can I use your thighs as earmuffs?
Why don’t you surprise your room mate and not come home tonight?
If your left leg was Christmas and your right leg was Thanksgiving, could I visit between the holidays?
You can touch mine, if I can touch yours with mine.
Do you work at Subway?
Because you just gave me a footlong.
I’m like a Rubik’s Cube.
The more you play with me the harder I get.
Hey, lets play farmer.
You be the farmland, I’ll plant the seed.
If you’re feeling down, I can fill you up.
Hey baby, what’s your sign?
Caution, Slippery When Wet, Dangerous Curves Ahead, Yield?
I’m going to have sex with you later, so you might as well be there.
I’m feeling a little off today.
Would you like to turn me on?
You know how your hair would look really good?
In my lap.
I’ll show you my tan lines if you’ll show me yours.
Why have I got a pierced tongue?
You’ll soon find out.
If I gave you a sexy negligee, would there be anything in it for me?
Wanna try an Australian kiss?
It’s like a French kiss but down under.
If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?
I’m either going home with you or behind you.
Take your pick.
You know if I were you I’d have sex with me.
Hi, I’m a freelance gynaecologist.
How long has it been since your last check up?
I’d like to buy you a drink and then get sexual.
We should play strip poker.
You can strip and I’ll poke you.
I’m a Love Pirate, and I’m here for your booty! ARRRGGGHHH!!!
Can I park my car in your garage?
It’s pretty big but it doesn’t leak.
If you look that good in clothes, you must look even better out of them.
Are you a cowgirl?
‘Cause I can see you riding me.
I’d like to wrap your legs around my head and wear you like a feed bag.
You’ve got some nice jewelry.
It’d look great on my nightstand.
I’ll kiss you in the rain so you get twice as wet.
I heard your ankles were having a party.
Want to invite your pants down?
Lie down on that couch and pretend your legs hate each other.
Hi, I’m an astronaut, and my next mission is to explore Uranus.
You’re so hot, I could roast my meat on you, girl.
My magical watch says you’re not wearing any panties?
Oh, you are? Darn, it must be an hour fast.
Hi, I’m your slave.
Take me home and mistreat me.
You have eyes like spanners.
When I look into them my nuts tighten.
If I could rearrange the alphabet I’d put my name first so you could memorize what to moan later on tonight.
I hope you’re a plumber, ’cause you got my pipe leaking.
Hi, I’m the new milkman.
Do you want it in the front or the back?
Let’s play Barbie.
I’ll be Ken and you can be the box I come in.
Hi, I’ve been undressing you with my eyes all night long, and think it’s time to see if I’m right.
I might not go down in history, but I’ll go down on you.
Liquor is not the only hard thing around here, girl.
What time do you get off?
Can I watch?
Hey baby, you’ve got something on your butt… my eyes!
Pizza is my second favorite thing to eat in bed.
Let’s make like Winnie The Pooh, and I can get my nose stuck in your honey jar.
Hey girl, wanna go halves on a baby?
Your breasts remind me of Mount Rushmore…
My face should be among them.
Do you want to have great sex?
No? Good, then come to my place.
So you’re not into casual sex?
Fine, I’ll put on a tux and we can call it formal sex.
I wish you were my little toe.
Then I could bang you on every piece of furniture in my house.
As long as you need a place to sit, you’ll always have my face.
Hey baby, what do you say we go behind that rock and get a little boulder?
You’re on my list of things to do tonight.
Gee, that’s a nice set of legs.
What time do they open?
The FBI wants to steal my penis.
Can I hide it in you?
Excuse me, but does my tongue taste funny to you?
Since we shouldn’t waste things in this bad economy, what you say we use these condoms in my pocket before they expire.
Hey baby, there’s a party in my pants and you’re invited!
Dirty Pick Up Lines For Guys
If you enjoyed our collection of the best sexual and dirty pick up lines for guys, be sure to check out our other pages of pick up lines too, as well as our other dirty humor collections, including these: