Bad Pick Up Lines

We’ve brought you lots of our favorite funny funny pick up lines in the past but now it’s time for some really bad pick up lines instead!

We have to warn you – don’t expect these lines to actually work on any sane member of the opposite sex! They’re far too bad for that. We bring them to you just for entertainment’s sake and accept no responsibility for any results! Enjoy these awful pick up lines.

Sometimes bad can be good, especially when it comes to these really bad pick up lines!

Really Bad Pick Up Lines

Try your luck with these really bad pick up lines but be ready to run away!

My love for you is like diarrhea. I just can’t hold it in.

If your left leg was lunch and your right leg was dinner, I’d want to snack between meals.

If you were a vegetable, you’d be a CUTE-cumber!

I’ve been waiting for you to be legal since you were a little girl.

Girl, you’ve got more legs than a bucket of chicken.

What makes love like a tiger and blinks? <What?> (Start blinking as fast as you can)

Are you a musician vampire? Because my organ is filling up with blood.

Hey baby, I just pooped in my pants. Can I get into yours?

Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?

You look like an angel that fell from heaven and hit its face on the pavement when it landed.

You don’t sweat much for a fat girl.

Are you French? Cause Ma-DAMN.

Damn girl, you look good in beer goggles.

I find the most erotic part of a woman to be the boobies.

The only STD I have is sexually transmitted desire… for you.

Hey girl, did you drop something? <Uhhm, I don’t think so.> I think you did – your standards. Hi, I’m Steve.

If you were a fruit, you’d be a FINE-apple.

Are you my appendix? I don’t know what you do or how you work but I feel like I should take you out.

You’re like my two favorite letters of the alpabet: E Z.

I want you to have my abortion.

You look just like a swan. You have skinny legs but a fat ass.

If I said you had a beautiful body, would you take your pants off and dance around a little?

Do you want to trade STDs?

Here’s $30. Drink until I’m really good looking, then come to talk to me.

Are you an orphanage? Because I want to give you kids.

Are you from Holland? Because you’re one big dyke.

Hey girl, I bet I can run faster horny than you can scared.

Do you have a boyfriend? <Yes>. That’s okay, I’m not the jealous type.

I promise I won’t film you in your sleep and sell the video on the internet more than once.

Are you free tonight or will it cost me?

You must have a p-value of at least 0.05, because I fail to reject you.

Is your name Gillette? Because you’re the best a man can get.

Are you sandpaper? Because I want you to rub my wood.

Are you an antiquer? Because I have some junk that hasn’t been touched in years.

Hey girl, I know Klingon, and tonight I’m going Klingon to you.

If you were a flower, you’d be a DAMN-delion.

I have a rare tropical disease which will kill me unless I have sex within the next half hour.

I lost my keys. Can I check your pants?

The doctor’s pretty sure the antibiotics worked this time.

More Pick Up Lines

If you enjoyed this collection of bad pick up lines, check out the rest of LaffGaff for lots more pick up lines, including these: