Funny Short Jokes

I started my new job at the pasta factory last week.

It’s been going well for the most part, just a fusilli mistakes.

Have you ever seen a picture of Mount Rushmore before it was carved?

Its beauty was unpresidented.

My wife said she’d leave me if I didn’t stop eating pasta.

Now I’m feeling cannelloni.

Has anyone else’s gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have?

I planted myself on the sofa at the start of April and I’ve grown bigger ever since.

I somehow managed to make it through high school math while only being able to remember even numbers.

What are the odds?

How do Vikings send secret messages?

Norse code.

My friend Ty came first in the Beijing marathon, but wasn’t awarded a gold medal.

The Chinese refuse to acknowledge Ty won.

I get depressed if I don’t play video games.

I always need to console myself.

What beef only comes in 2, 3, 5, 7, or 11 ounce portions?

Prime rib.

My granddad asked me how to print on his computer.

I told him it’s Ctrl-P.

He said he hasn’t been able to do that for ages.

Dad jokes are important.

They are a big part of pop culture.

My son told me, “The car manual says that I shouldn’t turn up the stereo to full volume.”

I said, “That’s sound advice.”

A small meteorite is reportedly headed for Legoland.

The damage is expected to be 50 square blocks.

What is the favorite music of cheese?

R ‘N’ Brie.

I do really feel bad for the Class of 2020. People say your senior year flies.

I just didn’t realise it would Zoom.

You know, with everything that’s happening so far in 2020…

You’d think someone would have seen it coming.

My old next door neighbor and I were good friends, so we decided to share our water supply.

We got a long well.

I’m making a new documentary on how to fly a plane.

We’re currently filming the pilot.

In exactly 3030 years, there’s a chance things could be really good, and there’s a chance things could be really bad.

I guess it will be 5050.

I just want to give a shout out to sidewalks.

For keeping me off the streets.