Anti Pick Up Lines

Sometimes the element of surprise is your best form of attack. And that’s no different when it comes to pick up lines. So give these anti pick up lines a try and see how you get on. Good luck (you might need it)!

Best Anti Pick Up Lines

Excuse me, do you have a pen?

Then you’d better get back to it before the farmer notices you’re gone.


You look like I need a drink.

What’s a girl like you doing in a nice place like this?

Ask me if I’m a tree.

<Are you a tree?>


I’d like to get you wet.

At least long enough to get you back to the ocean.

Would you have sex with me for $100?

I could really use the money.

I can tell what a woman drinks just by looking at her, and for you it’s a diet coke.

Your name must be trigonometry, because you make me want to cry.

Are there people following you?

Because I’m seeing someone behind your back.

How much does a polar bear weigh?

<I don’t know.>

About ten pounds less than you, fattie.

Your name must be calculus homework, because I have no interest in doing you.

Has a guy ever walked up to you just to tell you how beautiful you are?

They must have been much drunker than I am.

Hey girl, are you a broom?

<Why, because I swept you off your feet?>

No, because you’re really hairy.

Are you from Tennessee?

Because you look inbred.

Are you a banker?

Because you need to leave me a loan.

My fridge is hotter than you.

From the moment I saw you, I knew I would be spending the rest of my life trying to avoid you.

Are you a red light because stop.

If you were a math test, I would cheat on you.

When I see your face there’s not a thing that I would change.

Except the direction I’m walking in.

Camel called.

He wants his toe back.

Do you like wine?

Because that’s all your doing.

Girl, I know your wearing Nike, but I just won’t do it.

Do you know Santa?

Because you’re not what I wanted for Christmas.

So how many cats do you have?

Are you a computer technician?

Because you turn my hardware into software.

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?

Because it looks like you landed on your face.

Did the Lord take the thunder from the skies, and put it in your thighs?

Are you the sun?

Because you should stay 93 million miles away from me.

Are you a fortune cookie?

Because you’re always wrong.

You’re like Newton’s laws.

Not perfect, but good enough.

Are you bad WiFi?

Because I’m feeling no connection here.

Are you a cigarette?

Because when I’m done with your butt I’m gonna throw it away.

Are you a fire detector?

Because you’re loud and annoying.

If I could rearrange the alphabet…

I’d leave it the way it is.

Do you want to dance?

<Yeah, sure.>

Great, then I can sit there.

You must sprinkle extra sugar in your cereal in the morning.

<Why, because I’m so sweet?>

No, because you’re fat as hell.

There’s something gorgeous about your eyes...

Oh, that’s it! It’s my reflection.

Do you have a mirror in your pocket?

<Why, because you can see yourself in my pants?>

No, because I wanted to check how I look before I hit on your hot friend.

Did your driver’s license get suspended?

<For driving guys like you crazy?>

No, because you’re a woman so I assume you’re a horrible driver.

Did you just fart?

<Why, because I blew you away?>

No, because you smell like sh*t.

Can I check the tag on your clothes?

<Why, because I’m made in heaven?>

No, because your sweating profusely through your armpits and I want to avoid purchasing this fabric in the future.

Are you a lumberjack?

<Why, because I give you wood?>

No, because you have masculine forearms and you’re wearing Wranglers jeans.

Do you have a library card?

<So you can check me out?>

No, because my cat just died and I need to find a book about cat funerals.

Use the element of surprise (and insult!) with these hilarious anti pick up lines

More Funny Pick Up Lines

If you enjoyed these examples of the best anti pick up lines, check out the rest of LaffGaff for more pick up lines, including these: