Girlfriend Jokes And Puns

We’ve taken out all our favorite funny girlfriend jokes and puns for this page! You’re sure to fall in love with them, so make a date with them now!

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Funny Girlfriend Jokes

I broke up with my girlfriend of 5 years because I found out she was a communist.

I should have known, there were red flags everywhere.

My girlfriend said she’ll leave me if I don’t support Trump.

I said okay… Bi den.

My deaf girlfriend just told me, “I think we need to talk.”

That’s not a good sign.

My girlfriend asked if we could have an old movie night and watch “Gaslight”.

I told her, “We already watched that together, don’t you remember?”

My girlfriend got mad at me for being lazy.

It’s not like I did something.

My deaf girlfriend was talking in her sleep last night.

Darn near poked my eye out.

I found out my girlfriend is really a ghost.

I had my suspicions the moment she walked through the door.

My girlfriend is the square root of -100.

Perfect 10, but purely imaginary.

My wife is mad that I keep introducing her as “My ex-girlfriend”.

My girlfriend said that quilts are better than duvets.

I told her she should be careful making blanket statements like that.

My ex girlfriend was obsessed with trying to find the largest known prime number.

I wonder what she is up to now.

My girlfriend told me she slept with 5 people before we met.

I wouldn’t mind but I was only 20 minutes late.

Whenever my artistic girlfriend is sad, I let her draw things on my body.

I give her a shoulder to crayon.

I accidentally gave my girlfriend a gluestick instead of chapstick.

She still isn’t talking to me.

What did Jay-Z call his girlfriend before they got married?


My girlfriend totally changed when she became a vegan.

It’s like I never knew herbivore.

My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation.

She told me that I was so full of it.

It was the hardest dump I ever took.

I had to break up with my tennis-playing girlfriend.

Love meant nothing to her.

I told my girlfriend she was drawing her eyebrows on too high the other day.

She looked surprised.

My girlfriend and I haven’t gone to the gym in over a year.

Our relationship isn’t working out.

Why was the wizard’s girlfriend always covered in hickeys?

Because he’s a neck romancer.

My girlfriend said, “I adore you.”

So I responded, “I agate you.”

She was confused, and after a pause she said, “I don’t get it??”

“A gate is bigger than a door, babe.”

Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend?

Because he wanted space.

I have a problem with my new anorexic girlfriend.

I’m starting to see less and less of her.

My girlfriend keeps telling me to stop making math puns.

She thinks they are irrational.

Why is girlfriend one word but best friend is two words?

Because your best friend gives you space when you need it.

I tried explaining to my girlfriend what the effects of network packet loss were.

But I just couldn’t get the message across.

While cuddling my girlfriend, I whispered, “Honey, this isn’t working out for me.”

Then I rolled off the bed and started doing push-ups. “This is working out for me!”

I threw an engagement ring at my girlfriend, but she dodged out of the way.

It was a near Mrs.

My girlfriend asked why I put a watch on the bed before going to sleep.

I told her I wanted to wake up on time.

What did the cow do after he broke up with his girlfriend?

He moooooved on.

My girlfriend just dumped me for always talking about video games.

What a silly reason to Fallout 4.

What does a cow call his girlfriend?

His significant udder.

I tripped over my girlfriend’s bra.

It was a booby trap.

My girlfriend told me to stop singing “I’m a Believer”.

At first, I thought she was joking.

But then I saw her face.

My girlfriend wanted to go to a botanical garden in the mountains.

I rose to the occasion.

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?

He wiped his butt.

My girlfriend said, “You act like a detective too much. I want to split up.”

“Good idea,” I replied. “That way we can cover more ground.”

My girlfriend complained that I never buy her flowers.

I never knew she sold flowers.

My girlfriend wants me to choose between her and my career as a reporter.

I have some breaking news for her.

My girlfriend says if we don’t get married soon, she’s gonna kill me.

It’s a matter of wife or death.

Jokes About Girlfriends

If you liked these puns and jokes about girlfriends, be sure to check out the rest of LaffGaff for lots more funny jokes, including these:

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