Here’s an “el” of a collection of mucho funny Spanish jokes and puns! What more could you want? Nada! So enjoy them!
Funny Spanish Jokes
I’ve been saying “mucho” to my Spanish friend a lot more often lately.
It means a lot to him.
I used to have a Spanish girlfriend called Nada.
She meant nothing to me.
People always ask where I got my incredibly detailed tattoo done, but they never believe me when I tell them Spain.
Nobody expects the Spanish ink precision.
What language do bridges speak?
Where do Spanish postmen go on holiday?
What did the Spanish farmer tell his dad before moving to the city?
What’s the difference between Spanish and Dad jokes?
In Spanish, you roll your R’s and in Dad jokes you roll your eyes.
What do Spanish programmers code in?
What did the Spanish speaking magician say right before he performed his vanaishing trick?
And then POOF! He disappeared.
Without a tres.
Do you speak Spanish?
B) A little.
My Spanish friend wanted to rob a train.
He had locomotives.
I came to work this morning and was shocked to find that our company was bought over by a firm in Madrid.
No one expects the Spanish acquisition.
A Spanish man was crushed to death by a falling “two”.
It was a lethal dos.
What do you call an old Spanish man?
A senõr citizen.
What do young male Spanish cows call each other?
“Is this the Spanish word for ‘nap’?” she asked, pointing to a word on the page.
Lately I’ve been saying “el mundo” a lot to my Spanish friends.
It means the world to them.
I got a pen in Barcelona.
It writes so smoothly.
I can get the finest lines out of it.
Everyone is so surprised by it.
Because no one expects the Spanish ink precision.
My English jokes aren’t that funny, so I’ll tell you a Spanish one:
I’ve finally worked out why Spain is so good at football
Nobody expects the Spanish in position.
My dog only understands commands in Spanish.
My neighbour’s 4-year-old has been learning Spanish for a while now.
He still can’t say “please” though, which I think is poor for four.
I was going to get a tattoo in Madrid, but the tattoo artist I wanted to go to got in trouble for making some anti government tattoo art, which was quite a surprise.
No one expects the Spanish ink sedition.
What triggers a Spanish man’s fight or flight response?
Which bus was the first to go from Spain to America?
What do you call a three foot tall Spanish person?
Why are there are no automatic cars in Spain?
They’re all Manuel.
What do you call a small mosque in Spain?
How does Mr. Bean introduce himself in Spain?
Where to bees go to party in Spain?
While on vacation in Spain with my wife I started to feel funny
I had some pain in my chest and felt short of breath. I chalked it up to the long day we had just had, but I continued to feel worse.
As we got out of the taxi and walked into the hotel, I collapsed.
It became apparent to my wife and I that I was having a heart attack. I thought for sure I would die because the nearest hospital was 1/2 hour away.
Suddenly from the back room came a woman wielding defibrillators. She shouted to the other staff to help and they ripped off my shirt and restarted my heart right there in the hotel.
The ambulance arrived 20 minutes later, but thanks to this amazing woman my life had been saved. I spent the night in the hospital but I got out around noon the next day.
I went back to the hotel to thank this woman.
I said, “I’m amazed that a hotel this small has a full time doctor as skilled as yourself!”
She replied, “No one expects the Spanish Inn physician.”
There was once a hitman who was known for his skill and stealth.
Nobody really knew his identity, except for the fact that he always used to count to three before shooting his victim.
One time, a mob leader wanted a hit on a rival leader, so he hired him.
He said, “I want the kill to be clean, leave no trace. And since I’m a big fan of your legend, I’d like to be there when you assassinate the target”.
The assassin agrees.
With carefully planned tactics, the assassin infiltrates the rival gang on the pretence of capturing the mob leader.
Finally, in the room with the mob leader and the rival leader, the assassin aims his pistol at the target and counts.
The rival drops dead.
“But I thought you count to three”, said the mob leader.
“Sí” replied the assassin. “But you said leave no tres”.
Two guys were working at the airport, when a foreigner walked up to them. He asked them in Spanish, where the luggage pick up was.
Neither could understand him, so they raised their hands and shook their heads that they don’t understand.
He asked again, in German.
Again, the two workers did not understand him.
He tried in Polish and then again in French, but both times, the employees couldn’t understand him.
He walked away trying to find someone else who could help him.
One guy turned to the other guy and said, “You know, maybe we should learn a second language.”
“Why would you want to do that?” replied the other guy.
“It would help out in situations like the one we just had.”
“What good would knowing a second language be? That guy knew 4 and it didn’t help him any.”
Who wears a red suit, and knows if you are naughty or nice?
The Spanish Inquisition.
A Spanish man who spoke no English went into a department store to buy socks.
He found his way to the menswear department where a young lady offered to help him.
“Quiero calcetines,” said the man.
“I don’t speak Spanish, but we have some very nice suits over here,” said the salesgirl.
“No, no quiero trajes. Quiero calcetines,” said the man.
“Well, these shirts are on sale this week,” declared the salesgirl.
“No, no quiero camisas. Quiero calcetines,” repeated the man.
“I still don’t know what you’re trying to say. We have some fine pants on this rack,” offered the salesgirl.
“No, no quiero pantalones. Quiero calcetines,” insisted the man.
“These sweaters are top quality,” the salesgirl probed.
“No, no quiero sueter. Quiero calcetines,” said the man.
“Our undershirts are over here,” fumbled the salesgirl, beginning to lose patience.
“No, no quiero camisetas. Quiero calcetines,” the man repeated.
As they passed the underwear counter, the man spotted a display of socks and happily grabbed a pair.
Holding them up he proclaimed “Eso sí que es!”
“Well, if you could spell it, why didn’t you do that in the beginning?” asked the exasperated salesgirl.
A cop pulled over a Spanish photon.
The cop asked, “Do you know how fast you were going?”
The photon said, “c.”
So my Spanish teacher told me to turn in my essay.
I told her I ain’t no snitch.
So, I’m originally from Spain, and one the strangest things I discovered when moving to America was the was you hold your pens.
In Spain, we hold them straight up, whereas you hold them slightly on the side.
I would always get weird looks when writing with my fountain pen.
It’s not all that surprising. After all, nobody expects the Spanish ink position.