Adopted Jokes And Puns

We couldn’t leave these funny adopted jokes and puns without a home, so here they are! Take good care of them and bring them up whenever you need a laugh!

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Funny Adoption Jokes

Father: “Son, you were adopted.”

Son: “What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!”

Father: “We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in 20 minutes.”

I adopted a dog from a blacksmith.

As soon as I got him home he made a bolt for the backdoor.

Timmy : “Dad, am I adopted?”

Dad : “No, you’re Timmy.”

I asked my mom if by any chance I was adopted?

She said, “Why would we choose you?”

One man’s trash is another man’s treasure…

Is not the way to tell your son he is adopted.

Dad: “Son, you’re adopted.”

Son: “Wow really? I’d never have guessed!”

Dad: “I’m glad you’re taking this so well.”

Son: “Well I did have my suspicions.”

Dad: “Yes yes, anyway go pack your bags, your new parents will be here in 10 minutes.”

Me: “Dad, am I adopted?”

Dad: “Not yet, we’re still trying to find somebody who wants you.”

Why did the cowboy adopt a dachshund?

Someone told him to “get along little doggie”.

In the forest, a sad lonely looking turtle begins to climb slowly up a huge tree.

Half way up, it edges along a branch, sighs, then jumps.

It falls smacking into the ground, bouncing and tumbling across the forest floor.

Recovering and bruised, he slowly climbs the tree again, jumps and falls to the ground.

The turtle tries again and again, while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watch his pathetic efforts.

Finally, the female bird turns to her mate, “Darling, don’t you think it’s time to tell him he’s adopted?”

Figured out I was adopted the other day.

Decided to confront my dad about it.

I told him, “Dad, I found the paperwork. I know”

Dad said, “What paperwork? What did you find?”

“I’m adopted”

He replied, “Hi adopted! I’m – oh, wait. Never mind.”

I’m considering putting my grades up for adoption.

Because I can’t raise them myself.

Fred came home from University in tears.

“Mum, am I adopted?”

“No of course not”, replied his mother. Why would you think such a thing?

Fred showed her his genealogy DNA test results. No match for any of his relatives, and strong matches for a family who lived the other side of the city.

Perturbed, his mother called her husband. “Honey, Fred has done a DNA test, and… and… I don’t know how to say this… he may not be our son.”

“Well, obviously!” he replied.

“What do you mean?”

“It was your idea in the first place,” her husband continued. “You remember, that first night in hospital when the baby did nothing but scream and cry and scream and cry. On and on. And you asked me to change him.”

“I picked a good one I reckon. Ever so proud of Fred.”

A friend of mine asked me to adopt some baby cows, and I agreed.

What can I say, I’m always willing to raise the steaks.

A man gives up his twin sons for adoption at birth.

Many years later the dad finds out one boy was adopted by a Mexican family and the other by a Muslim family.

The son from the Mexican family, Juan, reaches out to the dad as an adult and the two meet.

They have a great time reconnecting and the dad finds out his other son is named Amal.

At the end of the day Juan asks his dad if he wants to meet his other son.

The dad declines.

Juan asks why and the dad says, “If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal.”

I often wish I’d been adopted by gay parents.

So I could have twice as many dad jokes.

Dad, I know I’m adopted.

“Hi adopted, I’m not dad.”

I asked my dad if I was adopted.

He said “Not yet.”

I adopted a goat for my son called Roxanne.

“I wish you’d called me something else,” he often says.

I’m adopted, and I’m glad that my parents were honest enough to tell me.

But why every day?

I was adopted.

My father found me on a poker table.

He said, “I see you and I raise you.”

My wife and I are considering adoption.

We just need to figure out where to sign our kids up.

An English couple decided to adopt a little German boy.

After two years, the child doesn’t speak and his parents start to worry about him.

After three years, he still has not spoken and after four years, he has yet to utter a word.

The English couple figure he is never going to speak but he is still a lovely child, and on his next birthday, they threw him a party and made him a chocolate cake with orange icing.

The parents are in the kitchen when the boy comes in and says, “Mother, Father, I do not care for the orange icing on the chocolate cake.”

“My God,” says his mother. “You can speak?”

To which the German boy replies, “Of course.”

“How come you’ve never spoken before?” asks his father.

“Well,” says the boy, “Up until now, everything has been satisfactory.”

A redneck finds out his girlfriend is a virgin.

Upon hearing this, he stands up, turns away from her, and leaves without a word.

Later, when his buddies see him sad at the bar they ask what went wrong, he explains…

“My mom just told me I’m adopted.”

A husband and wife who work for the circus go to an adoption agency looking to adopt a child, but the social workers there raise doubts about their suitability.

So the couple produce photos of their 50-foot motor home, which is clean and well maintained and equipped with a beautiful nursery.

The social workers are satisfied by this but then raise concerns about the kind of education a child would receive while in the couple’s care.

The husband puts their mind at ease, saying, “We’ve arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects along with French, Mandarin, and computer skills.”

Next though, the social workers express concern about a child being raised in a circus environment.

This time the wife explains, “Our nanny is a certified expert in pediatric care, welfare, and diet.”

The social workers are finally satisfied and ask the couple, “What age child are you hoping to adopt?”

The husband says, “It doesn’t really matter, as long as the kid fits in the cannon.”

Dad: Son, do we have any ‘dop ted’?

Son: What’s a “dop ted”?

Dad: YOU ARE! You’re adopted!

Son: Nice one, Dad.

Dad: I’m not your Dad.

My Sister always got bullied at school for being adopted.

Home schooling for us was fun though.

Today just shocked my whole life.

First I find out im adopted, then I found out that both of my dads are gay.

A couple just finalized their adoption of a Japanese baby.

Shortly after, they signed up for Japanese lessons and explained that they had just adopted a baby.

“How nice!” said the teacher.

“Yeah,” they agreed. “He’ll be talking in a couple years and we want to be able to understand him!”

A brother and a sister are always getting into fights.

One day the brother tells the sister, “You’re adopted!”

The sister yells back, “At least they wanted me!”

More Funny Jokes

If you enjoyed these hilarious puns and jokes about adoption, be sure to check out the rest of LaffGaff for lots more funny jokes, such as these: