Funny Dyslexic Jokes And One Liners
There's a lot of misconceptions about dyslexics. They're certainly not stupid - far from it; in fact most dyslexics are very intelligent and often more creative and innovative than others.
And dyslexics don't see things backwards, it's just that language information is processed differently by their brains. And if you think about them carefully, a lot of dyslexic jokes don't really make sense as they involve the spoken word and hearing.
Even the dyslexic jokes that play on mistaken written words don't really reflect the reality of dyslexia. That doesn't stop dyslexic jokes being funny though - a lot of them tend to be very clever wordplay-based puns.
Anyway, with no offence intended, here's a collection of funny dyslexic jokes and one liners.
I came home from work tonight to find a note from my girlfriend which said, "I'm leaving you because you're so stupid and bigoted."
Well I'm not stupid, I'm just dyslexic. And I can't help it if I have big toes.
As I'm dyslexic, my English teacher in school always used to insult my grammer.
Which wasn't fair, as he's never even met her.
My dyslexic son came last in the school pottery competition.
He wrote a poem.
Two doctors working in a small town clinic had to hire a new nurse after the one that previously worked there retired. They interviewed Nurse Nora and she gave a great interview so they decided to hire her.
She'd only been working at the clinic for two days when one doctor called the other into his office and said they'd have get rid of Nurse Nora.
The second doctor asked, "Why, when we only just hired her?"
The first doctor replied, "Well, I think she's dyslexic and does everything backwards. For example, I told her to give Mr. Hamilton two shots of morphine every 24 hours, but she gave him 24 shots in two hours and it almost killed him. Then I told her to give Mrs. Smith an enema every twelve hours and she gave her twelve in one hour."
The doctor had barely finished saying this when the second doctor suddenly ran out of the room.
"Where are you going so fast?" the first doctor shouted after him.
"To see Nurse Nora, I just told her to prick Mr. Jones' boil!"
Have you heard about the dyslexic devil worshipper who sold his soul to Santa?
A top tip for dyslexics:
Try deliberately spelling words wrongly.
At least that way, you have a chance of spelling them right.
Did you hear about the dyslexic who went to the toga party dressed as a goat?
Why shouldn't you mock a dyslexic dwarf?
It's not big and it's not clever.
If life gives you melons then you're probably dyslexic.
These two dyslexic skiers are stood at the top of the slope. The first one says "Let's zig zag down the slope."
The second skier says, "No, it's zag zig."
The first skier is sure he's right and the two of them start having a heated debate about it.
Finally, they spot another skier and the first skier says, "I'll tell you what, let's ask this guy."
So he says to him "Excuse me, sir, going down the slope do you zig zag or zag zig?"
The guy replies "Sorry, I've no idea. I'm a tobogganist."
The first skier says, "In that case can I have 20 Marlboro, please?"
Two dyslexics are working in the kitchen.
The first one asks the second, "Can you smell gas?"
The second one replies, "I can't even spell my own name."
One advantage of being dyslexic is that it doesn't cost much to get your own personalized registration plate.
Grab your taco, you've pulled a dyslexic Mexican.
Is it cruel to give dyslexics alphabetti spaghetti?
I saw my friend stood outside the Doctor's today. He looked really worried and upset so I asked him, "What's the matter?"
He replied, "I've got the big C."
I was shocked. "What, cancer?" I asked.
Did you hear about the dyslexic boy who cried "Fowl"?
Nobody listened and the wolf ate him.
What does DNA stand for?
National Dyslexic Association.
How does it change many dyslexics to take a light bulb?
My dad was dyslexic. Whenever I swore when growing up, he'd wash my mouth out with soup.
Tip Top: Never take advice from a dyslexic.
What's a riot?
There's no 'I' in 'team'.
Unless you're dyslexic, of course.
I just found out I'm dyslexic. FLM.
Have you seen that website dealingwithdyslexia.org?
I wonder what percentage of users actually manage to get onto it on their first attempt.
What's the best way of punishing dyslexic criminals?
Give them a long sentence.
Dyslexic people don't know their bowels from their elbows.
Did you hear about the dyslexic pimp who bought himself a warehouse?
I'm a dyslexic agnostic insomniac. I lay awake every night and wonder if there really is a Dog.
Did you hear about the dyslexic alcoholic who choked on his own Vimto?
I can't remember if I've got dyslexia or dyscalculia. It's definitely won of the three.
I rang up my doctor's today and said, "I'd like to make an appointment to see the doctor about my dyslexia."
"Of course," said the receptionist. "What's your name, please?"
I said, "Mr. Kzlaczycki."
She said, "Can you spell that for me, please?"
I said, "No."
This joke is the property of the National Dyslexic Association. All rights reversed.
I went to a dyslexic rave last night. Everyone was taking F's and a a bloke in the corner was trying to inject a Heron.
Dyslexia: Putting the cool in shcool.
How would a dyslexic person dance the YMCA?
I texted my dyslexic friend after his boxing match, asking how he got on.
"OK," he replied.
My dyslexia has reached a new owl.
I have duja ve. It's the feeling that you've been dyslexic before.
A dyslexic man walks into a bra...
I saw a dyslexic get thrown out of a restaurant last night. He was spitting in the tips jar.
Dyslexics of the world untie!
Did you hear about the dyslexic zombie who ate Brian?
I'll never forget the day I was first diagnosed with dyslexia.
41th Yam, 1892.
I was just diagnosed with dyslexia and on the same day my friend told me his wife has OCD.
I said, "Wow, I didn't even know you had an XBox.
How power stations get their energy is always unclear if you're dyslexic.
I've managed to overcome my dyslexia to become a funeral director.
I'm going to give my competitors an urn for their money.
My poor young son is dyslexic. He keeps writing on sheets of paper "semoithng, soemthnig, smoeithng".
I think he's trying to tell me something.
Funny Dyslexic Jokes
If you enjoyed our funny dyslexic jokes and one liners, check out the rest of our site for lots more funny jokes and laughs, including our nursing jokes and our dental jokes, as well as our other jokes about people, including these: