Are Adolf Hitler jokes wrong? Obviously Hitler was evil but does that mean we can’t make fun of him and ridicule him? We think not, so we’ve put together a collection of Hitler-ious jokes and puns, with no offense intended. We hope you enjoy these funny Hitler jokes and puns that are sure to get you Reich in the funny bone!
Hilarious Hitler Jokes
Hitler wasn’t such a bad guy.
After all, he did kill Hitler.
I went to an auction today where they were selling a cheese grater once owned by both Hitler and Osama Bin Laden.
It was the grater of two evils.
One of Hitler’s assistants says to him one day, “Sir, we’re mining too many useless ores.”
Hitler replies, “Well, mine less.”
One of his other assistants, a stickler for correct grammar, then shouts, “Mine FEWER!”
Hitler looks up and asks, “Yes?”
Hitler jokes are rude.
Anne Frank-ly we don’t care.
I kinda feel sorry for Hitler.
Looking back at some old photos of him, his friends always left him hanging when he went for a high-five.
Why did Hitler hate golf?
Because he ended up in the bunker.
I just watched a documentary about Adolf Hitler.
He sure was a popular guy.
Everywhere he went, people shouted “Hi Hitler” and gave him a little wave.
Hitler wanted peace.
A piece of Poland, a piece of Czechoslovakia and a piece of Turkey.
Hitler and Goering are standing at the top of Berlin’s tallest radio tower.
Hitler says he needs to do something that will brighten up the German people.
Goering says, “Why don’t you jump off?”
Hitler walks into his meeting room, turns to his trusted staff and says, “I want you to organize the execution of 10,000 Jews and one kitten.”
Everyone looks around the table and, after a long silence, Goering pipes up. “Mein Führer, why do you want to kill a kitten?”
Hitler smiles and turns to the rest of the table. “You see, no one cares about the Jews.”
I suffer from schizophrenia that results in delusions that I’m either Adolf Hitler or Winston Churchill.
I suppose I’m my own worst enemy.
Hitler must have been a really bad golfer.
Fancy committing suicide just because he was trapped in a bunker.
It’s amazing just how paranoid Hitler was.
In Hitler’s Germany it was illegal to make jokes about him or his regime.
Come on! Forbidding Germans from making jokes? Isn’t that a bit like forbidding Americans from eating salad?
I was named after Hitler.
Chronologically that is.
Hitler went to a fortune teller and asked her, “On what day will I die?”
The fortune teller told him that he would die on a Jewish holiday.
“Why are you so sure of that?” demanded Hitler.
“Any day,” she replied, “On which you die will be a Jewish holiday.”
Why doesn’t Hitler take cabs?
He is more of an Ubermensch.
What’s the difference between Hitler’s girlfriend and a female farmer?
One bails her hay and one hails her bae.
In 1941, Hans, a young German boy, was listening to the radio.
Over the radio, Hitler announced that Germany was now going to war with the United States.
“Father, where is the United States,” Hans asked.
His father pointed at a map towards North America.
“Aren’t we currently at war with Russia? Where might that be,” he questioned his father.
The man pointed towards the Soviet Union.
“And I’m told we’re also at war with the British Empire. Where is that?”
The father pointed out all of the territories owned by the British.
“Where is Germany again, Father?”
He pointed to their home country in Central Europe.
Hans pondered this information for a second. “One last question, Father.”
“Yes?”
“Has Hitler seen this map?”
Hitler wasn’t a very athletic man.
He never even finished a single race.
Stalin asked Hitler if he wants to hear a joke.
Hitler says, “Yes.”
Stalin then says, “Moscow.”
Hitler replies with, “I don’t get it?”
Stalin laughs and says, “And you never will.”
I wish people would stop telling Hitler jokes.
My grandfather died in a concentration camp and it is very difficult for me.
Also I wish they would’ve installed guard rails so he didn’t fall off his tower.
Hitler could’ve been better with his paintings.
Too bad he didn’t believe in mixing colors.
Hitler held out a war for 4 years…
But shot himself 45 minutes after getting married.
Dad Jokes About Hitler
It’s just been discovered that as well as writing a book, Adolf Hitler also wrote one of the first computer games.
Mein Kraft.
Hitler: “It’s getting cold. What is ze Wetter forecast?”
“Hail, Hitler.”
What did they call Adolf Hitler when he lost his job?
Laidoff Hitler.
Son: Hey Dad, can you explain “germination”?
Dad: Well, son. Hitler wanted to make the whole world a Germination.
How did Hitler tie his shoes?
In knotsies.
Why couldn’t Hitler eat oranges?
Because he hated the juice.
Why can’t Hitler play baseball?
It’s three reichs and you’re out.
Why did Hitler wear eye glasses?
Because without them he could Nazi.
What noise does Hitler’s turkey make?
It Goebbels.
Why did Hitler win the race?
He was the fascist.
What was Hitler’s favorite programming language?
Not C.
What was Hitler’s 4 digit PIN number?
9999.
Why did Germany lose WW2?
Hitler was caught with his Panzers down.
You’ll never be able to go back in time and kill Hitler as a baby.
You’d be way too short and weak.
What grades did Hitler get in art school?
Not Cs.
Why does Hitler like acetone?
It’s a Polish remover.
What is Hitler’s favorite thing to eat?
Not seafood.
Best Hitler Puns
Enough with the Hitler jokes.
They make me Fuhrer-ious.
What’s Hitler’s favorite letter?
Not Z.
What do you call Hitler speeding?
The Fast and the Fuherous.
What do you call Hitler in a pool?
Adolfin.
What did Hitler call his favourite chair?
Mein Kampfy Chair.
What does Hitler sleep with?
Mein Kampforter.
What planet did Hitler hate the most?
Jewpiter.
Adolph Hitler was secretly bald.
His closest allies reported he wore a Herr piece.
What happened when Hitler got soap in his eye?
He could Nazi.
I just learnt that Time Magazine’s 1938 ‘Man of the Year’ was Adolf Hitler.
I did Nazi that one coming.
What do you call a Nazi supermarket?
Aisle Hitler.
Which deodorant did Hitler use?
Reich Guard.
Did you know Hitler had a bowling team?
It was called ‘The Third Streich’.
Why did Hitler love hand sanitizer?
Because he was not a Germ man. He was Austrian.
What do you get when Hitler doesn’t lie, then lies once, then again, then two more times, then three times, then five, then eight, then thirteen times?
A fibber Nazi sequence.
Why don’t I do Hitler jokes?
Because they are out of Mein Kampfort zone.
Several of Hitler’s Generals disappeared after the war, and became animal doctors.
Because they were veteran Aryans.
I took an online test to see how much I’m like Hitler.
The test was simple: Score a 1=nothing like Hitler;Score a 10=Hitler himself.
Well, I took the test and got a two. So I guess you can say I’m eight off Hitler.
What did Hitler call his record store?
The Vinyl Solution.
One Liner Hitler Jokes
We really should erect a statue of the guy who killed Hitler.
I find it interesting that if you rearrange the letters in the word “Mother-in-law” you get the words “Woman Hitler”.
Say what you like about Hitler, the man had ball.
Bad Hitler puns are infuhreriating.
If you don’t think history is amusing, then you’ve clearly never seen Hitler in shorts.
Hey, I’m not saying Hitler was a great guy, but he really saved the History Channel.
Hitler’s proofreader for Mein Kampf was literally a grammar Nazi.
More Funny Jokes
If you enjoyed these funny Hitler jokes and puns, check out the rest of LaffGaff for more funny jokes and fun, including our other jokes about people, such as these:
