Polish Jokes And Puns

These funny Polish jokes and puns are certainly very, erm, polished! There’s nothing wooden about their delivery at all!

Header image for a page of funny Polish jokes and puns.

Funny Polish Jokes

I have a Polish friend who has a job as a sound engineer.

I have a Czech one too…

What nationality is Santa Claus?

North Polish.

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver’s license.

First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test.

The optician showed him a card with the letters:

“C Z W I X N O S T A C Z”

“Can you read this?” the optician asked.

“Read it?” the Polish guy replied, “I know the guy.”

A frog decided to trace his genealogy one day.

He discovered he was a tad Polish.

What’s long and hard that a Polish bride gets on her wedding night?

A new last name.

What is the cleanest language in the world?

Polish.

Why do Polish people have ski at the end of their names?

Because they can’t spell toboggan.

If you’re 10% Polish…

Does that make you a tadpole?

What do you call a Polish fisherman?

A fishing pole.

A polish man walks into a police station.

Polish man: Help me! Help me! My wife is trying to kill me!

Police man: Calm down sir, do you have any evidence that your wife is trying to kill you?

Polish man: Yes! I opened our medicine cabinet and found Polish Remover!

What do you call a pale Polish man?

A lightpole.

If people from Poland are poles, why aren’t people from Holland holes?

I visited a jewelry store in Poland last year.

I was amazed how polished everything was.

I’ve started playing chess in the park to help me meet new people.

I’ve now got a new Polish mate.

I also got a Czech mate.

What do you call a serrated weapon that Polish people once used in battle?

A Warsaw.

I’m good at manicures but bad at languages.

Although I think I would nail Polish.

This year, instead of cookies and milk, leave Pierogi and vodka.

After all, Santa is North Polish.

Did you hear about the woman who married a Pole?

She had a wooden baby.

An Italian and a Polish guy are walking down the beach wearing Speedos.

While walking they get a lot of attention from women, but it seems that all the women are interested in the Italian guy!

After the day was over the guys are hanging out and the Polish guy asks, “Ok you have to tell me what’s going on, I’m not bad looking, I’m athletic and physically fit… what’s your secret? Why are they all into you and not me?”

The Italian says, “Ok, tomorrow when we walk the beach, put a potato in your speedo.”

The Polish guy nods his head in understanding.

The next day they walk the beach again, but strangely it happens again! All the women are only interested in the Italian guy…

That evening the Polish guy ask him again, “Man, I did what you said and nothing… WHAT IS YOUR SECRET!?!”

The Italian guy says, “Ok bro, tomorrow, put the potato in the front…”

A customer asked, “In what aisle can I find the Polish sausage?”

The clerk asks, “Are you Polish?”

The guy, clearly offended, says, “Yes I am. But let me ask you something.

If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian?

Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?

Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish?

Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican?

Or if I asked for some Whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?”

The clerk says, “No, I probably wouldn’t.”

The guy says, “Well then, because I asked for Polish sausage, why did you ask me if I’m Polish?”

The clerk replied, “Because you’re in Ace Hardware.”

Yosh and Stosh decided they were going to take a vacation back to their native land Poland. So they’re on the plane halfway across the Atlantic and everything is going great when the captain makes an announcement over the intercom.

“Folks, were having a little trouble with on of the engines and it stopped working. It’s not a big deal but I does mean we are going to be in the air a little longer”.

Yosh and Stosh are a little nervous but it’s ok, they’ll just get there a little late.

After a little while the captain comes on the intercom once again.

“Folks, I have a little more bad news. Seems we’ve lost another engine so we’re going to be flying a little slower and so we’ll be in the air a little longer.”

Yosh and Stosh are a little nervous but if the captain says they will be ok, they believe him.

A few hours go by and the captain makes another announcement.

“Well folks we’ve lost yet another engine but there’s no need to worry, we have one remaining, however, it does mean we’re going to be in the air longer still.”

After hearing this last announcement Stosh is visibly upset. He turns to Yosh and says “Wow this is crazy, if we lose that last engine we’ll never get down.”

More Funny Jokes

If you enjoyed our funny jokes about the Polish, check out the rest of LaffGaff for lots more hilarious jokes, including these: