Funny Dog Jokes And Puns
Dogs are incredibly cute and funny. And while this collection of dog jokes and puns might not be cute they're definitely funny too.
You'd have to be barking mad not to find them hilarious.
So we hope you enjoy our collection of funny dog jokes.
If you do, check out our other animal jokes.
It's a labracadabrador.
After the dog gets all the sheep in the pen, he says to the farmer: "Right, that's all forty sheep accounted for."
The farmer says, "But I've only got 37 sheep."
The sheepdog says, "I know. I rounded them up."
A golden receiver.
He presses paws.
Where you left it.
The collie wobbles.
Anywhere it wants to.
A hush puppy.
A cock-eyed spaniel.
A watch dog.
Stop bugging me.
She was ticketed for littering.
One wags a tail and one tags a whale.
He then writes on it, "Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof." and hands the form to the clerk.
The clerk takes it off him, looks it over and then says, “You know, there are only nine words here. You could add another 'Woof' for the same price."
The dog shakes his head at the clerk in disbelief and says "But that would make no sense at all."
He stole the show.
Because it scares the dog.
"Yeah, I do!" says a biker says, as he stands up. "What about it?"
The guy says, "I think my chihuahua just killed him."
"What are you talking about?!" the biker says, incredulously. "How could your little chihuahua kill my rottweiler?"
The man says, "He got stuck in your dog's throat."
Who are they directed at?
Shall we walk or shall we take the dog?
A spelling bee.
I've been interrogating this one for hours and he still won't tell me who's a good boy.
He was trying to fetch a boomerang.
I said, "That's okay, I brought my own. It's actually cigarettes I want."
Because they have two left feet.
The guy in the store says, "Sorry, we don't hire dogs. Why don't you go join the circus?"
The dog says, "What would the circus want with a plumber?"
He was looking for the man who shot his paw.
As I entered, a labrador greeted me, thanked me for shopping with them and took my coat.
He watches the game in amazement for a while, before he says, "Wow! That's the smartest dog I've ever seen."
The other guy replies, "Nah, he's not so smart. "I've beaten him three games out of five."
He didn't want to become a hot dog.
I've just had to untangle yet another one from a post outside the shop.
His bark was worse than his bite.
A collie flower.
Police say they have a few leads.
He spots some valuables but as he reaches for them he hears a voice say, "Jesus is watching you."
The burglar jumps and looks around for who said it but can't see anyone. So he carries on putting valuables in his bag until once more he hears a voice say, "Jesus is watching you."
This time he looks harder and he sees a parrot.
"Who are you?" the burglar asks.
The bird replies, "Moses."
"Who on earth would call a bird Moses?" the man laughs in relief.
"Dunno," says Moses, "I guess the same kind of people that would call a Rottweiler Jesus."
He was trying to make ends meet.
That hit the spot.
The re-tail store.
The vet looks at the stiff and lifeless parrot and says, "I'm really sorry ma'am, but this parrot is dead."
The little old lady says, "I'm sure you can't be certain so quickly. Isn't there a way to be absolutely certain?"
At this, the vet whistles and a Labrador Retriever walks into the examining room.
The dog sniffs around the parrot for a few seconds, then looks up at the vet with sad eyes and shakes his head.
The little old lady is having none of it. "A dog shakes its head and I'm supposed to believe that?!" she shouts.
"I'm sorry, but you're going to have to do more than that before I'll believe my parrot is dead."
So the vet walks out the room and comes back carrying a cat. He puts the cat on the table next to the parrot.
The cat looks closely at the parrot, walks around it, prods it a bit, then looks at the vet, shakes his head and jumps off the table.
At last, the little old lady seems convinced.
As she is about to walk out of the door, the vet tells here that she owes him $500.
"$500?!" the little old lady shouts. "How the heck could it be so much just to tell me my parrot is dead?"
The vet says, "Well, it would have been a lot cheaper, but with that lab report and cat scan..."
Because no-one else will do it for them
A chilli dog.
Put it in your back yard.
Because you can't bury them in trees.