Funny Christmas One Liners
‘Tis the season to be jolly… It’s also the season for laughing and fun. And nothing could be more certain to raise a smile than these hilarious Christmas one liners!
So enjoy them, and have yourself a Merry Christmas!
I’ve bought my wife a fridge for Christmas: I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
If you cross mistletoe with a duck, do you get a Christmas cracker?
You can tell Santa is a man, because no woman would ever wear the same outfit every year.
Are people who are scared of Father Christmas Claustrophobic?
We were so poor when I was little that we couldn’t afford a turkey for Christmas, so we gave the budgie a chest expander.
When you stop believing in Santa is when you start getting clothes for Christmas.
Mary and Joseph had a stable relationship, didn’t they?
Christmas is just like a day at the office: you do all the hard work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.
The three stages of man: 1. He believes in Santa. 2. He doesn’t believe in Santa. 3. He is Santa.
I wasn’t planning on giving out any Christmas presents this year, until I heard about those exploding Samsung phones.
When Santa’s in your room, can you sense his presents?
Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper who sold his soul to Santa?
When I was a child, my family was so poor that at Christmas we exchanged glances.
If Santa’s little helpers ate outside would they be dining elfresco?
The main thing I want this Christmas is for someone to wake me up when it’s all over.
Are Santa’s elves just a bunch of subordinate Clauses?
The best Christmas present I ever got was a broken drum – you just can’t beat it.
You can tell Microsoft have a monopoly because even Santa had to switch from chimneys to Windows.
Would a singing elf be called a wrapper?
There’s still 364 days to Christmas and people already have their lights up – unbelievable!
If you ate Christmas decorations would you get tinselitis?
Did you know the Christmas alphabet only has 25 letters – there’s Noel.
If Santa ran out of money, would he be Saint Nickel-less?