Funny Christmas One Liners
'Tis the season to be jolly... It's also the season for laughing and fun. And nothing could be more certain to raise a smile than these hilarious Christmas one liners!
So enjoy them, and have yourself a Merry Christmas!
- I've bought my wife a fridge for Christmas: I can't wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
- If you cross mistletoe with a duck, do you get a Christmas cracker?
- You can tell Santa is a man, because no woman would ever wear the same outfit every year.
- Are people who are scared of Father Christmas Claustrophobic?
- We were so poor when I was little that we couldn't afford a turkey for Christmas, so we gave the budgie a chest expander.
- When you stop believing in Santa is when you start getting clothes for Christmas.
- Mary and Joseph had a stable relationship, didn't they?
- Christmas is just like a day at the office: you do all the hard work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.
- The three stages of man: 1. He believes in Santa. 2. He doesn't believe in Santa. 3. He is Santa.
- I wasn't planning on giving out any Christmas presents this year, until I heard about those exploding Samsung phones.
- When Santa's in your room, can you sense his presents?
- Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper who sold his soul to Santa?
- When I was a child, my family was so poor that at Christmas we exchanged glances.
- If Santa's little helpers ate outside would they be dining elfresco?
- The main thing I want this Christmas is for someone to wake me up when it's all over.
- Are Santa's elves just a bunch of subordinate Clauses?
- The best Christmas present I ever got was a broken drum - you just can't beat it.
- You can tell Microsoft have a monopoly because even Santa had to switch from chimneys to Windows.
- Would a singing elf be called a wrapper?
- There's still 364 days to Christmas and people already have their lights up - unbelievable!
- If you ate Christmas decorations would you get tinselitis?
- Did you know the Christmas alphabet only has 25 letters - there's Noel.
- If Santa ran out of money, would he be Saint Nickel-less?