Jesus, these jokes are funny. Which is funny because they’re also Jesus jokes and puns! Yes, they’re irreverent but no harm is meant so don’t take them the wrong way. After all, it’s possible Jesus used humor himself.
Anyway, we hope you enjoy these funny Jesus jokes!
20 Hilarious Jesus Jokes
Jesus and Moses were hanging out in Heaven one day when they got to discussing their mutual boredom.
Moses said, “Hey Jesus, you know what we haven’t done in a while? Go down to Earth and perform some miracles.”
Jesus thought that was a great idea, so the two of them hopped onto a cloud and floated down to a city.
“What miracle would you like to perform first?” asked Moses.
“I think I’ll walk on water,” replied Jesus. “Last time I did that the people really went wild!”
So Jesus walked to the edge of a lake surrounded by hundreds of people, took a step onto the water…
And promptly sank.
Confused, he stepped out of the water, tried again…
And sank for a second time.
He turned to Moses and said, “I don’t know what’s wrong. Last time I did this it worked like a charm!”
To which Moses replied, “Well Jesus, you have to remember: last time you did this you didn’t have holes in your feet.”
Of course Jesus was Jewish.
He didn’t leave home until he was 33, he went into his father’s business, and his mother thought he was God.
What kind of car does Jesus drive?
A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, “Where is Jesus today?”
Brian raises his hand and says, “He’s in Heaven.”
Susan answers, “He’s in my heart.”
Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and blurts out, “He’s in our bathroom!”
The teacher is surprised by this answer and asks Little Johnny how he knows this.
“Well,” Little Johnny says, “every morning, my Dad gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells ‘Jesus Christ, are you still in there?'”
Why wasn’t Jesus born in Mexico?
They couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin.
Jesus, Moses and an old man are playing golf one day.
At the first hole, Moses steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and lands in the water trap. Moses goes over to it, parts the water and chips onto the green.
Next, Jesus steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It also goes sailing into the water. Jesus just walks on the water and chips the ball onto the green.
The old man then steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and heads for the water trap. But just before it lands in the water a fish jumps out of the water and catches the ball in his mouth, then an eagle swoops down and grabs the fish in its claws, then the eagle flies over the green and is hit by a sudden bolt lightning and the eagle drops the fish.
When the fish hits the ground, the ball pops out of his mouth and rolls into the hole for a hole in one.
Jesus turns to the old man and says, “Dad, if you don’t stop fooling around we won’t bring you next time.”
If Jesus was real they wouldn’t call it the crucifixion.
They would call it crucifact.
What’s the difference between Jesus and a picture?
It only takes one nail to hang a picture.
One day, during the time of Christ, some Hebrews are bored one day.
One of them suggests, “Let’s go and find a woman of loose virtue and stone her!”
So they all go to a brothel and find a young woman. They drag her out and are getting ready to stone her, when Jesus suddenly appears and says, “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone!”
All the Hebrews get discouraged by this as they know they’re all sinners so they go home.
As they’re leaving, an old woman picks up a huge rock, and throwing it with all her might, hits the young woman bang on the nose.
Jesus turns, looks at the old woman and says, “Mom, do you always have to do that?”
Have you heard about the monk who claimed to see the face of Jesus in a tub of margarine?
He said, “I cant believe it’s not Buddha”.
Jesus walks into a hotel, throws three nails down on the front desk and asks, “Can you put me up for the night?”
By clipping coupons and shopping wisely.
Jesus is dying on the cross, and Peter is down the hill comforting Mary Magdalene when he hears Jesus’ faint voice, “Peter.. Peter…”
“I must go and help my Savior,” he said and went up the hill, only to be beaten and kicked back down by the Roman centurions guarding the cross.
But soon he hears, “Peter… Peter…” in even fainter tones and he can’t ignore the call. So he limps up the hill, leans a ladder against the cross, and gets halfway up when the centurions knock over the ladder, beats him brutally, and tosses him back down the hill.
Again he hears, “Peter… Peter…” ever fainter, and again, he cannot refuse his Lord. In pain, he slowly staggers up the hill, drags himself up the ladder, and finally gets even with Christ’s face.
Just as the centurions are reaching for the ladder, Jesus says, “Peter… Peter… look, I can see your house from here.”
What was Jesus’ favorite exercise routine?
A sitcom about Jesus…
Wouldn’t make it past the Pilate episode.
Jesus was the Black Panther.
Because he Wakanda water.
How does Jesus make tea?
He brews it.
Jesus drove a Honda, but never talked about it.
“For I do not speak of my own Accord.”
And Jesus said, “Come forth and receive eternal life.”
But Peter came in fifth and won a toaster.
What was Jesus’ favorite type of ham?
More Funny Jokes
If you enjoyed these funny Jesus jokes, then why don’t you also check out our other religious jokes, including these: